wives vs basses (shhhhh! don't let them see this thread!)

[4SG]

do you have any unique secrets to reveal which truly can make it work with the wife?

Yeah, here's an unbelievably unique secret: Be kind, honest, considerate, interested, supportive, appreciative and responsible to your significant other and they will likely respond favorably to your pursuits.

 

[Bass V]

Yeah, here's an unbelievably unique secret: Be kind, honest, considerate, interested, supportive, appreciative and responsible to your significant other and they will likely respond favorably to your pursuits.

and hooking up with another musician can further that perfect world!

 

[mbasile]

*sigh*

I would never be married to a woman who hid her hobby toys from me.

I would never be married to a woman who required permission before I buy a piece of gear.

I woule never hide a purchase from my wife.

If you have plenty of money, this shouldn't be an issue.

Here's the problem in many of these kinds of relationships. (Yes, I only have anecdotal evidence from my own associates.)

If you go into debt to buy bass gear you're not very bright.

If you buy any bass gear at all when your car has 200,000 miles on it, your deck is in need of repair/replacement, your kids need braces, your roof is old, your family has comsumer debt, you don't have plenty of money in the bank to get you through a layoff or other financial hit, then you're simply irresponsible.

A lot of the times when spouses wag a finger at you for new gear, it's warranted and justified.

Not every time..... but a lot of the time.

This.

Just be a damn adult.

 

[Bass V]

funny that the OP thinks male S/Os are more likely to be supportive of female players, because i haven't found that to be the case.

maybe it's regional and a generational thing cos my experiences were different during my youth in LA and the rest spent in Honolulu where it's more congenial for the most part between musical partners, at least as I've seen it, but no doubt jerks are universal and for sure honesty and communication are paramount in all aspects. thanx for your perspectives and openness, I'm glad you found this thread and chimed in!

 

[Frenchy-Lefty]

You know you are married to the right woman when the bass you play cost more than the family car

 

[Element Zero]

I don’t really understand your poll options but...

I got a late start. Got married when I was 36 and wife was 39. No kids at the time. Both working full time jobs. She plays bass and leads worship at our church and plays in a classic rock cover band. So it’s very helpful that she’s a musician too. She “gets it”... to a point.

She understood that “we” needed a modular bass amp that would fulfill both our various bands and church needs. She understood I had wanted a Pentabuzz for a very long time and didn’t bat an eye when I ordered it. She also understood when I bought the Fodera earlier this year to replace my aging and crackling Ibanez.

Any other bass related purchases will NOT be understood... and I’m fine with that. It’s also helpful to not be afflicted by that terrible disease we all know as GAS. Get what you need and get out if the game. Happy wife, happy life.

 

[Bass V]

I don’t really understand your poll options but...

I got a late start. Got married when I was 36 and wife was 39. No kids at the time. Both working full time jobs. She plays bass and leads worship at our church and plays in a classic rock cover band. So it’s very helpful that she’s a musician too. She “gets it”... to a point.

She understood that “we” needed a modular bass amp that would fulfill both our various bands and church needs. She understood I had wanted a Pentabuzz for a very long time and didn’t bat an eye when I ordered it. She also understood when I bought the Fodera earlier this year to replace my aging and crackling Ibanez.

Any other bass related purchases will NOT be understood... and I’m fine with that. It’s also helpful to not be afflicted by that terrible disease we all know as GAS. Get what you need and get out if the game. Happy wife, happy life.

the poll was just for laffs and maybe why it got modded to the curb but the post even tho lighthearted is serious and it's a shame it got booted so less input can be garnered towards aspects important like you and others have pointed out. you showed how fragile a mutual understanding can be by not pushing your purchases any further, most guys I'd say would not be as passive towards minimizing on gear and finding that happy ground instead of taking chances (or at least wanting to) as some will, which is why we see 'the wife' mentioned so often. looks like you beat the odds!

 

[Killed_by_Death]

my youth in LA

Some days I wish I could have grown up in Louisiana.

 

[Bass V]

Some days I wish I could have grown up in Louisiana.

even being a RAMS / Dodgers / Lakers freak I had a fascination with Brooklyn as a yout' lol thanx largely to NY bands like DUST and Sir Lord Baltimore. then again, I knew as much about NY as I did about Louisiana, but I knew having The Doors, good surf, warm weather, and Ed 'Big Daddy' Roth as a cool neighbor was way better.

 

[Nephilymbass]

yep, I'm going there lol cos we may have a crisis hiding in plain sight.
the wife, the wife, the wife, we've heard it forever and always will I guess, maybe we need to finally suss this out for the benefit of all mankind. some of us have gone thru hell and back with all the war stories yet managed to maintain the marriage (happy or not), the collection, and most of our minds, while too many others met various tragic ends just cos of their love or obsessions for music and in our case, the bass.
we have quite a few women here and need to stay respectful and thankful for that in spite of the depths of despair they can push their male counterparts, so the OP bias is imo legit. where conversely, we generally see boyfriends and husbands being unanimously supportive of everything a female player wishes. many girls wouldn't have it any other way lol and I heartily applaud their fortitude. and to keep it all-inclusive, 'significant other' aspects are viable as well. that said, this poll is for the majority on tb and unfortunately that's men, them's that face the wrath and scorn with every slight mention of the word BASS, the poor saps, the brave hearts, those who have stories to tell and have so far survived to tell them.
I'm in the #1 category as a confirmed lifetime bachelor with an uncontrollable roving eye thanx to growing up with those 'California girls' and wanting unbridled freedom, but can certainly appreciate those who went the other extreme and sought out a lifetime with their grade school sweetheart or even the new pole dancer at the nudie bar.
gentlemen, what have you been thru? did it leave a mark? would you do it all over again? any changes / suggestions? do you have any unique secrets to reveal which truly can make it work with the wife? are you one of those with an endless honey-do list to keep things humming, an air conditioner on arctic blast in the bedroom, glad to buy her a new car every year, or is there Marshall Bass Law in your man-sion? and just where are all those girls who go nuts over whatever you do bass wise? those are as scarce as Mothman sightings!
to the gals out there (possibly fuming over this), please let us know your pov and clue us bassanderthals in on what works for you, or how far to Hell we should go, or, if you play bass / music... what goes on in your life to keep it real with that guy? this is all for fun but we might actually gain some important insight into other mindsets towards saving marriages / relationships, careers, keeping speace in the valley, and likely preserving quite a few basses!

My wife is pretty understanding about my gear because she’s also a musician. In fact the most expensive piece of music gear in our home by far is her nicest violin, not any of my gear. I am reasonably responsible with money. I have the ability to charge a Fodera or probably two right now if I wanted to, but I don’t.

Something else that I think strengthens our relationship is we both grew up relatively well off middle class families and neither of us care about a lot of the materialistic things our friends care so much about. For example we have a cheap home because for us a home is just a place to sleep, shower and have a meal or two, our home is not a freaking zombie apocalypse bunker like some folks I know. With a thousand dollar electric bill, Home theatres, insane video game collections, $2000 dollar TVs and all that.

We’re both college graduates and making above average income for our area while spending less on bills than most of our friends. Which means I can buy a new bass or we can go on family vacations without being financially stressed out. I think a lot of our lifestyle really just came from growing up watching our parents stress over money. For example my mom owns a huge home here in NC and rents a home where she works in Atlanta. Her big house in NC comes with an electric bill that’s more than we pay for our mortgage. So even when that house is paid for she’ll still be Paying more for it than we pay for our house while we’re still paying the mortgage.

The only thing my wife complains about are her arthritis and hearing issues preventing her from playing more. And she can get kind of jealous/frustrated if I have a lot of of gigs on the schedule because she wants to go out of town with the family. Which does go back to our home situation where we both get cabin fever easily and my kids are too young to come to the majority of my shows.

 

[IamBuzzy]

 

[jamro217]

I found out that love can absorb a lot of the acid in relationships that otherwise might destroy them. By taking out the trash, doing the occasional run to grocery store so she has her favorite ice cream, and foot massages; she realizes she's loved and doesn't begrudge me certain things I enjoy (like a houseful of instruments). If I came home from work every night bellowing about my dinner, forgot birthdays and anniversaries, and ignored her when she was burdened with problems and then she complained when the newest 34" scale addition to the family arrived, that'd be expected. I don't even own a sleeveless white t-shirt.

 

[BurtMacklinFBI]

I tend to think that if buying bass gear is a serious enough issue in your relationship to even consider, your relationship is probably already in deep doo. If you and your partner can’t manage that conflict, you are going to be toast when a REAL problem comes along.

 

[Bass V]

I tend to think that if buying bass gear is a serious enough issue in your relationship to even consider, your relationship is probably already in deep doo. If you and your partner can’t manage that conflict, you are going to be toast when a REAL problem comes along.

yep, it's like arguing over the toothpaste or toilet seat, petty stuff, when there's bigger problems behind the squawking that isn't being addressed. people rush into relationships and then if it gets deeper and they don't lay the foundation with all the priorities sorted out quickly then it's gonna eventually erupt and be far worse than if there was an overall agreement to work behind.

 

[Bass V]

I think our better halves often tend to not look at the bright side and bigger picture in that they have a musician as a hubby who is usually at home, safe and available, and is more sensitive / caring than most guys, who finances his livelihood with positives instead of drinking / drugging the family fortune away, or who stays away or even cheats on them. that's worth more than gold right there, and a few more basses lol

 

[alaskaleftybass]

Wow. So much for a humorous thread. I thought people were going to go into the classic "battle of the sexes" and have fun with it. I guess not..............

 

[alaskaleftybass]

View attachment 3178420

............................ Except for this one... he got the point!

 

[whero]

Been married almost 30 years. I would never buy a big piece of gear (bass, guitar, amp) etc. without discussing it with my wife first. Smaller things (strings, straps, effects...) I wouldn't bother. I don't need permission, but as there are shared finances involved it would be inconsiderate not to. Also, we often play "let's make a deal" - if one of us wants something, the other one gets to spend the same amount, if they want to. My wife has never refused me a purchase, and doesn't always do the reciprocal purchase thing. And same for me. Mind you, I got a new job with a good pay rise recently and bought her a 2017 very low mileage Nissan 370Z, so I think I'm well in credit for a few more toys yet!

 

[Bass V]

Wow. So much for a humorous thread. I thought people were going to go into the classic "battle of the sexes" and have fun with it. I guess not..............

yup, I'm all for getting some laffs along the way to the old folks home lol

 

[BurtMacklinFBI]

Wow. So much for a humorous thread. I thought people were going to go into the classic "battle of the sexes" and have fun with it. I guess not..............

Well, I did consider gloating about the joys of being a single adult but that just felt both sad and self-congratulatory at the same time....