wives vs basses (shhhhh! don't let them see this thread!)

[groooooove]

you're married to the wrong person if you cant spend your own money on something you can afford.

if your buying things you cant afford your making bad choices and blaming your wife is not helping.

 

[Madhouse27]

My wife can identity every single fruit, vegetable and herb in the produce aisle but somehow lacks the ability to distinguish one bass from the other. She's perfect.

 

[CallMeAl]

I get it. In our house, we don't make a ton of money. It can be hard to justify "non-essential" purchases when there's a credit card and car loan to pay off.

We moved across the country recently , and i liquidated a lot of gear, including my electric bass and amps. We also sunk a lot of our savings into a business we were buying. Once we got settled, we talked about it, and i bought a bass and amp to get going again. She said i should do it if it brings me joy.

Now im in a paying cover band and i look at it like a part time job. I set aside cash from my gigs to pay for gear.

Balance, communication, and respect. And a new P bass.

 

[TeamScorpioRI]

Wife is fairly understanding of my bass buying needs. I went through a period of buying crap I didn't need, but now if I buy something she knows that its something I need for the band.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

i'm a bass player and a wife, and i married a guitar player. we've been enabling each others' guitars, basses and amps for years. at one point, we had 32 basses and guitars in a one bedroom apartment ...

#RelationshipGoals

 

[Killed_by_Death]

My bass collection is directly proportional to how many nice purses my wife has.

This was recently posted on a FB group:

 

[pcake]

This was recently posted on a FB group:

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guess i'll have to go buy a wampler... something...

 

[Killed_by_Death]

Wampler brings anything but "tone" to my mind, because we had a Wampler Foods in my area when I was growing up & a LOT of people worked there. Almost all my cousins did, but I went for construction.

 

[Matthew_84]

This was recently posted on a FB group:

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My sincere apologies if my post was offensive to anyone. I’ll go and delete it now. It’s not even a joke, that’s honestly how my wife and I handled this, but I’ll still delete it.

 

[Rip Van Dan]

yep, I'm going there lol cos we may have a crisis hiding in plain sight.
the wife, the wife, the wife, we've heard it forever and always will I guess, maybe we need to finally suss this out for the benefit of all mankind. some of us have gone thru hell and back with all the war stories yet managed to maintain the marriage (happy or not), the collection, and most of our minds, while too many others met various tragic ends just cos of their love or obsessions for music and in our case, the bass.
we have quite a few women here and need to stay respectful and thankful for that in spite of the depths of despair they can push their male counterparts, so the OP bias is imo legit. where conversely, we generally see boyfriends and husbands being unanimously supportive of everything a female player wishes. many girls wouldn't have it any other way lol and I heartily applaud their fortitude. and to keep it all-inclusive, 'significant other' aspects are viable as well. that said, this poll is for the majority on tb and unfortunately that's men, them's that face the wrath and scorn with every slight mention of the word BASS, the poor saps, the brave hearts, those who have stories to tell and have so far survived to tell them.
I'm in the #1 category as a confirmed lifetime bachelor with an uncontrollable roving eye thanx to growing up with those 'California girls' and wanting unbridled freedom, but can certainly appreciate those who went the other extreme and sought out a lifetime with their grade school sweetheart or even the new pole dancer at the nudie bar.
gentlemen, what have you been thru? did it leave a mark? would you do it all over again? any changes / suggestions? do you have any unique secrets to reveal which truly can make it work with the wife? are you one of those with an endless honey-do list to keep things humming, an air conditioner on arctic blast in the bedroom, glad to buy her a new car every year, or is there Marshall Bass Law in your man-sion? and just where are all those girls who go nuts over whatever you do bass wise? those are as scarce as Mothman sightings!
to the gals out there (possibly fuming over this), please let us know your pov and clue us bassanderthals in on what works for you, or how far to Hell we should go, or, if you play bass / music... what goes on in your life to keep it real with that guy? this is all for fun but we might actually gain some important insight into other mindsets towards saving marriages / relationships, careers, keeping peace in the valley, and likely preserving quite a few basses!

Still have all of it. Will celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary next month. Of course, it helps that I met my wife while I was touring and convinced her to come on the road with me back in '72. Have had times where she thought I was nuts for buying something (my current bass that I bought in '85) when I wasn't making any money playing music. At the time I didn't even have an amp anymore. But she's never really put the kibosh on me buying the gear I decided I needed and I've never been frivolous in my purchases. I can live with an occasional shake of the head. There are a lot harder things for us to deal with than my occasional gear purchase.

 

[JRA]

the above is definitely not in any way meant to discount or criticize anyone else's feelings or experiences with basses and wives.

basses and wives, basses and wives. now it's basses vs. wives. (tough stuff.)

I was in a quid pro quo relationship more than a handful of times, never worked out.

we must be operating that quid pro quo thing a little differently: i thought it was both virtuous and ideal.


would you all think less of me if i chose both...but with a slight edge to the basses?

 

[LYNCHMAN]

That’s the look I get each time I’m looking through the classifieds on TB and she catches me LOL

yup i get the stink eye everytime...

 

[LYNCHMAN]

My wife once asked me "Why are you always on the internet for hours at a time."

"Because that's where all the basses are," I explained.

i say "you know i come from an I.T. background...it's what i do...it's research"!!

 

[LYNCHMAN]

This was recently posted on a FB group:

View attachment 3178769

awesome!...so all i gotta do is buy her a new purse!!...who knew??!?

 

[Bourbongangster]

This was recently posted on a FB group:

View attachment 3178769

This is the best thing you have ever posted KBD, and that's saying a lot because I've learned a lot from you in the electronics forum. Well done sir.

 

[non]

my wife is cool with my bass gear purchases and likes to remind me how cool she is with it every time i buy something new.

 

[No Malarky]

If a guy hides stuff from his woman, he is a jerk that married the wrong chick. My 2 Cents!

 

[mattj1stc]

Although I voted for the wonderful wife choice (because she is wonderful), I would like to add a little nuance (or maybe another choice). To me, the wonderful wife choice could potentially seem like someone who is unconditionally supportive of your musical pursuits regardless of the impact your family's finances. I would opt for a choice in this direction but slightly different.

My wife and I have lots of common interests, but we also have things that are unique to us as individuals (with playing music being unique to me). We're also both responsible adults who make good money and are clear in our priorities. Financially, I can buy whatever interests me - my desire for gear is not extravagant or wasteful. I don't have to clear any gear purchases with my wife, nor do I have to hide anything from her when I buy it. I don't stick my nose into her hobbies either. Again, we're both responsible adults who make good money. Not sure how to phrase this as a choice as my explanation is longwinded.

It always surprises me to see how many people will either buy things they can't afford (putting their family finances in peril) or hide gear from their spouses because buying more will get them in trouble (not being honest).

Grow up a little, especially if you're married.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

My wife died in February, but she always was supportive of whatever expensive hobby I had, yacht racing, competitive shooting, or musical gear. Her only admonition was when I said I was going to sell one bass to offset the cost of a bass I had just purchased. She refused to allow me to sell it because it was her favorite. She went further to say I could not sell any basses at all. She never said I couldn't buy any more.
The only thing she ever questioned was why I wanted another one, but she gave that up after about 3 or 4.

 

[Oberst]

Wow, I can't help but laugh a little at this post (very good-naturedly, I promise!) ...

I'm a female bassist, but I also have a wife. Yep, we both came down with lesbianism, likely in the womb so far as we can determine. Anyway, she's a big supporter of my music, though she's not herself a musician. Basically, we just talk about things, like if I want or need some new equipment that's above "personal money" levels, we just have a discussion and see if it fits in the budget. If not, sometimes I'll sell something to raise money for the purchase, sometimes I'll put it on a card after discussing a repayment plan with her, and sometimes I'll wait and save up a bit. We do the same with the things that interest her.

The relationship trouble friends of mine, both male and female, have gotten into with purchases musical and otherwise are when things are done "sneakily," or hidden from a partner. That's basically lying to someone you supposedly love and respect above all others. If I were in a relationship with someone where I truly had to lie and hide things from them in order to pursue something that feeds my soul the way music does, well, I'd not be in that relationship for much longer once I discovered that fact. Communication is key in relationships, it really is, and if I can't communicate with a partner about what I need and the things that make me happy and fulfilled, I'll be looking elsewhere really quickly.

That's my take, anyway. Oh, and the above is definitely not in any way meant to discount or criticize anyone else's feelings or experiences with basses and wives.

I think you described perfectly what a mature relationship should be and that covers all people of any kind. Ahh, common ground, if we all could find more of that.