The Pentagon announced today that it has reached an agreement with the Brazilian government to hire three young Brazilian musicians for the purpose of "softening up" detainees at the Guantanamo prison complex
A Pentagon spokesman, speaking anonymously due to the sensitivity of the matter, stated "after successfully using music from groups like Metallica and Guns & Roses for years, we found that these three kids are a far superior interrogation tool, a quantum leap beyond our previous Gold Standard mix consisting of a Lars Ulrich drum solo overdubbed with secret recordings of Axl Rose singing in the shower. The elimination of those pesky copyright issues with the Metallica material is also a major plus that provides significant cost savings for the taxpayer."