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Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Craig630, Feb 13, 2013.

  1. Craig630


    Apr 8, 2009
    "Dammit man, you're late on every change and it's f-ing me up. Get with it already."

    Nah man, I'm good. *look at drummer, get approving nod* I think you're a bit off.

    "I graduated from Berkley (improvisational jazz)... I think I know a but more about being on time than a self taught bassist."

    Nah dude, you're off.

    [5 minutes of arguing]

    You know what, this arguing is pointless, let's just try it again.

    [at this point I turn my volume knob off]

    A minute into the song the guitarist throws his hands in the air and stops everyone. "Dammit, your timing is off and it's screwing me up. You're hitting the change too early and it's rushing me to catch up."

    Really? I'm pretty sure you were off that time. In fact I'm positive that my playing had nothing to do with you f-ing up.

    "That's ********. I'm trained to follow my bassist. I can't help that you don't know what you're doing."

    Nah man, it was all you, 100%.

    "When a musician speaks, you listen. I know I'm not f-ing up here."

    Nah, I'm sure it's you, I can prove it.

    [strum all strings, no sound comes out]

    See? I wasn't even turned on for that last run through.

    TLDR; I'm no longer in this band. Anyone looking for a mediocre bassist in Portland, OR?
  2. Never had that one, but I have been repeatedly been told to turn down, I explained I was NOT turned up, we played it again... TOO loud. I rolled the volume OFF, played again... TOO LOUD. I advised them I was not even turned on, and demonstrated same. This caused a lot of um, well, umm.
    Find out it was keytard, and he was the one doing most of the complaining.

    Keytard no longer plays with us.
  3. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    Excellent, love it! I've met Berklee grads who might make good grade school music teachers (as if grade schools taught music any more :rollno:). And I've met many more self-described Berklee grads who, upon doing a little research, were found to be liars.

    No one I know cares WHERE you learned your stuff, only THAT you learned it.
  4. Nashrakh


    Aug 16, 2008
    Hamburg, Germany
    That sucks, guv... I feel for you.
  5. Lo-E


    Dec 19, 2009
    Brooklyn, NY
    Best thing that ever happened to you!
  6. johnpbass


    Feb 18, 2008
    Glen Mills, PA
    Love these type of stories.
    I've had this happen more with soundmen though.

    Sound Guy: "You're too loud, turn down - you're causing that low end feedback."
    Me: "My stage volume is way down - sounds like the kick feeding back to me."
    Sound Guy: "I've got the kick EQ'd perfectly - we had a sound check, remember?"
    Me: "Yeah, I remember, but that was before you turned up the level on the kick when we started the set."
    Sound Guy: "Just turn down okay?" [walks back to board]

    Sound guy is now gesturing to me to turn down.
    I turn my stage level off completely. Song ends. Soundman is standing in front of me.

    Sound Man:"You need to turn down."
    Me: "My volume is OFF - SEE". [Demonstrate to him by hitting all 4 strings.]
    Me: "The mic on the kick drum has fallen off of the stand - it's laying against the drum head. Hmmm.. Maybe that's your problem?"
    Sound Man:"Oh - you're okay then."
  7. kcole4001


    Oct 7, 2009
    Nova Scotia
    Had that one too:

    "soundguy": 'Your amp is too boomy, fix it'
    Me: 'my amp is off (had the speaker switched off), you fix it'

    "soundguy" threw a fit and went home to sulk.
    He came back a few hours later and apologized, but by then it was too late for me.
    I quit shortly after that.
    He wanted to continue, said 'we can get anyone, it's only bass'.

    He also wanted to replace the drummer, who co-owns the PA and lights with the guitar player.
    These two have been playing pretty much exclusively together for nearly 30 years and are best friends.

    That band immediately imploded.

    I'm still playing with the drummer and guitar player, different singer (who was best bud with 'soundguy').
    No 'soundguy', drummer takes care of that role.
  8. "Someone is feeding back."

    "It's you. It's your acoustic guitar plugged into that blazingly loud 212"

    "No, I think it's your microphone"

    "No it's not. I am off at the mixer. It's your guitar."

    "No, it's somebody else. Someone has a real feedback problem."

    "It's you. Not only are you plugged into that 212 directly, you are sitting about 4' from your amp with it pointed directly at the front of your guitar."

    "It's not me, it's one of you guys."

    Then each individual individual piece is unplugged, shut off, etc. until all that remains is the acoustic plugged into the 212.

    Shazam! When the 212 is turned off........the noise stopped.....
  9. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Not as bad as some of these stories, but with my guitarist/BL a while back. He suggests we think about our EQ for the mix. I say OK, he's the BL, been in bands longer than me. I had my Lo-Mid-Hi set about 7-7-4 (out of 10), he fiddles with it, has me play some notes, and basically changes it to something like 9-1-7 or so - basically scoops my mids. OK, that's what he wants, he's the BL.

    I try to be a good team player and leave them where he set them. Very next gig, we get a verse into the first song.

    "Turn down! turn down! you're way too loud!"

    "I'm too loud? My volume's only at 4!"

    "You're too loud! It's way too boomy!"

    "OK, hold on a second..."

    I go and change my EQ to 7-7-4. Don't touch the volume.

    "How's that?"

    "Much better! Awesome!"
  10. Played a bar we've played a number of times. New door man.
    He listen to our first set and come up to me during the break and say you guys are too loud, especially the guitarist. The manager is going to tell you to turn down.
    So I thank him, and approach our guitarist and tell him what the dude said.
    Next break I ask the door man, how does it sound now? He says it sounds great and what ever you guys did, worked.
    Guitarist turned up his amp, no one else touched anything.
    Bar manager said we sounded great!
    Oh well, eatem and smile as they say!
  11. Dave W

    Dave W

    Mar 1, 2007
    White Plains
    OP, that guy sounds like a douche
  12. Craig630


    Apr 8, 2009
    Yeah, it wasn't the first time he pulled that "let the musicians blah blah blah" isht. But I'll tell you about the last time ha did ;)

    We were going over a new song he wrote. Real simple number, just bouncing between C and G in an alternating bouncy feel. I got bored and walked up G, B, C in time. He stopped everyone right there (something he did at least twice per practice), throwing his hands up and screaming "*** are you doing??? That's not how I told you to play the song!"

    Yeah, but bouncing between two notes is boring as hell, I just want to spice it up a little.

    "That's not what I wrote. Play what the musicians tell you to play, you don't know what you're doing."

    You're playing a Gmaj, right?


    Tell me why walking to a C, using a B is wrong here.

    "I'm here to play, not teach you how to play, it sounds like ****."

    I think it sounds good, tell me why it's wrong.

    "Listen, unless you can name the 5th of C you need to just shut the f up."

    -At this point I turn everything up to full blast, hammer the G in 6 different octaves, flip him off with both hands and scream into the mic "there's your 5th you f-ing c-nt! Get over yourself" put my stuff in my bag and walk out, never to be seen again.

    I saw an ad for a bassist the next day on craigslist from them. 3 months later and they still haven't played a show.

    Ths was my first experience with a band... Tell me it gets better.
  13. Dave W

    Dave W

    Mar 1, 2007
    White Plains
    Once you find the right group of people it's great. That can be much easier said than done, but don't let this guy put you down.
  14. Duckwater


    May 10, 2010
    USA, Washington
    You guys are lucky, I have trouble getting my guitar players to turn up. Even if I am way too loud or play something off, my band never think it's me.
  15. Where do you guys find these people? I have to go out more.:bag:
  16. Nashrakh


    Aug 16, 2008
    Hamburg, Germany
    Yeah come on rub it in some more why don't you :spit:

    I rarely get told to turn up or down... Not sure what to make of that...
  17. viper4000


    Aug 17, 2010
    When you find that right group, the guitarist will turn his bass EQ down when asked, the keyboardist will not play with his left hand, and you and the drummer will sync into a silky smooth groove you only dream about. Oh, and the singer will help on load-ins and outs.

    Honestly, it does get better. Chalk it up to experience. Also, don't be burned the "educated musician". A lot of them are great players and great band mates.
  18. kcole4001


    Oct 7, 2009
    Nova Scotia
    The first three things do happen. Really, they do.
    Never seen that last one materialize, though!
  19. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    I raised that question in a thread not too long ago.

    I figured it meant that I can naturally adjust my own volume to appropriate levels.
    Though, Im sure other arguments could be made.
  20. morgansterne

    morgansterne Geek U.S.A.

    Oct 25, 2011
    Cleveland Ohio
    yes, please, don't stereotype the educated musician as complainers and snobs. I played with a berklee grad drummer who never complained or said anything condescending, and I never complain (ok, not much).
    I'm a total snob about it really, but I just don't say anything to that effect to my bandmates. I never bring it up at all. :D

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