Wow thanks for all the help...since there is so much info i am printing this and highlighting all the great points. Dkerwood thanks for taking the time to give your thoughts...thanks to you all.
I think alot has to do with the hard headedness of our guitarist /soundman. He said he will bring his wireless this gig so he can go out an check the levels. He does set the board from behind the PA..great point. The stacks are on the floor and he told our other guitarist who comlpained about not hearing last gig he was standing to close to his cabs. Someone asked why this was importent..well if there is to be any more gigs period its importent to me... also who will not remain a member if we lose this string of gigs due to our bands volume.
On the drummer i highly doubt any change will come here. He is stuck in the 80's and a big Rush fan...a good drummer but feels he needs to be seen and heard..has a huge double bass set but uses only one bass drum...the largest kit i have seen in a bar band since the 80's hair metal days. He said he is using his lightest sticks...also said he cant hear the band when he plays
Guitarist 2# is more than understanding and agrees we are too loud and will downsize his gear adjust whatever to help out.He will drop down to a 2x12 next gig.
Guitarist 1# funny you guys said in order to get a 100watt Marshall to sound good you have to push it. We have had one other band and other guitar players say his tone suks...very trebley.....i dont like it and he thinks he need to be louder than me and guitar #2 we had an arguement over this..i think he thinks lead guitar is louder cuz it ...you know is the lead
I got hinm to go to a 2x12 cab next gig...but i think he use a 50 w head...i pray.
Our vocals at almost every indoor gig get lost in the band mix...our lead singers wife/family say they always can barely hear him over the roar of the band.
Bassist (me)
will do whatever i need to save this gig and the band but my nerves are getting short...i am the sole booking person for this band minus a few outdoor parties this summer.
I am still reviewing and soaking in all your tips ..thanks again. I don't want to walk yet ...i am scared i wont find another gig or find something worse

We(band) have a pretty good thing going but this and a few other ego problems cause it to be messy at times...stay tuned.