Guitarist had breakdown today

We were a trio-in-the-making, been playing together about a year, and we were supposed to audition a drummer tomorrow at noon. I asked him songs he wanted to do, and he had no opinion, so I told him what the songs were, and he agreed. This was a week in advance.

Today he texts me the following:

BEGIN DRAMA

Him: "Are we still meeting with that kid on Saturday? Because I'm gonna be honest, I've been real busy this week and I don't have much of those songs down yet. I'm thinkin I'm gonna need some more time to work them out otherwise I'm gonna embarrass myself when I don't even know how to play the songs."

Note: This, after I've busted my ass all week practicing the songs.

Me: "Just learn the rhythm parts and make up the leads. It's an audition, it doesn't have to be a work of art.

Him: "Well I dunno man. I'm being serious. I really don't have them down at all. I just need more time dude."

Him: "Plus I gave it some thought and I want my buddy to play drums whether he's far away or not. He's my John Bonham. I don't wanna play with some douche bag."

Note: His buddy lives 2 1/2 hours away from us. Not the most doable thing in the world.

Him: "I know you wanna start doing shows but I'm just not there yet man. I'm sorry but I gotta be completely honest. I wanna keep writing and working on covers but I'm not in a huge rush to get out and play."

Note: He's 23, and I'm 26. I'm not getting any younger, and it's time to **** or get off the pot.:scowl:

Me: "Dude. Stop being a pussy."

Him: "I'm not being a pussy man I'm just being honest. If I'm holding you back, you can try to set something up with somebody else. I still want to jam and write but I'm not in a huge rush to play shows."

Him: "I just gotta be straight up with you man because I still want to play with you man. I'm just not going to rush into playing shows right now. I've got too many things going on in my life right now."

Me: "I don't know what's going on, but you need to get your head on straight if you want to be somebody."

Him: "I already am somebody. I don't need success to define me. I already know who I am."

Him: "Music is more than playing shows and having people like you man."

Him: "I'm sorry to disappoint you."

Him: "It's not that I want to stop playing but right now I'm not ready to start doing gigs."

Me: "It's obvious that you're scared to get out of the bedroom. This sort of talk is indicative of someone who doesn't have what it takes."

Him: "I'm not scared at all. I've been jamming with my buddy way before I even knew you and it's him or nobody. And if you think I don't have what it takes find somebody who does. This has nothing to do with fear man."

Him: "I don't have to defend myself either so once again sorry if I disappointed you but I'm sticking to what I said."

Me: "Tell me, when will this drummer be with us? Tomorrow? A week? A month? A year? Never?"

Him: "It will be soon enough."

Me: "Look, I love you dude and I'll play with you, but if that's how it's gotta be then I'm going to pursue other option in the meantime."

Him: "That's cool, that's why I said that earlier man. I'm not trying to hold you up from that. Don't we can't still jam."

END DRAMA

Wow. Just wow. I'm at a loss of the proper words to describe this. Asinine is a good place to start.

And I had to cancel at the last minute on the drummer we were going to audition. I guess it doesn't matter that it makes it both look like ********.

Anyway, I'm stuck in rock and roll purgatory again. Back at square one. Super.

C'est la vie.

Chainsaw Willie said:

You have been playing with this guy for a year and he doesn't have 5 songs down that he can't play off the cuff without a weeks worth of daily practice? What has he been doing all this year?

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Probably hanging out his girlfriend, smoking cigarettes, and making up excuses.

He's a good player, but he'll never be anybody on account of his lackadaisical attitude.

Fretlessbaby said:

Better to find out now rather than a year from now.........
j

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Tell me about it. Now I'm on the hunt for a good gig.

winstonthecat said:

That's what I was thinking. You should have 50+ songs down by now, easy. Better to cut your loses and find a guitarist who has similar goals as you.

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Well, that's the thing. I do have a catalog of 50+ songs. I practice all day, every day, not including the occasional day off. Him? Not so much.

I'm playing with a band tomorrow afternoon in Ann Arbor. We'll see how that goes.

I'm also in talks with an alternative band that plays in C standard. Why, I don't know. They should just tune to B and be done with it.

lokikallas said:

Sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. Pretty bitchy to say he's not "somebody". Who are you? Just another dude playing covers in the bars. Join the club. He may not have your amount of time available, or your commitment level, but he sounds like a nice enough guy. You are the one throwing around word like "pussy", like a high school jock who uses peer pressure. If your so committed, I'm sure your awesome, so your bound to land a killer band situation. Most people would just BS you for a while, at least he's honest. He's obviously in it for fun, and your not.

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1. You're, not your.
2. I never claimed to be somebody. But I am pretty awesome.
3. Where I come from, men don't motivate other men by speaking softly about their feelings. They tell each other to gird up their balls and get the job done, or else they've got to go.

fishtx said:

The dude doesn't want to play out yet...if he feels he's not ready, he's probably not ready...you trying to shame him into playing by calling him a pussy is not cool. I respect him for being up front and telling you he's not ready, instead of trying to play gigs and train wrecking every song...

Anyways I get the feeling there's more to this story we don't know.

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Him not being ready is his own doing. There's no sympathy on my end. If anything, he deserved to be shamed into playing after making a commitment and then backing out on it the day before.

GlennW said:

Something doesn't add up. If the bassist and guitarist have been playing together for a year they should have enough stuff to jam with a drummer without cramming for a week.

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He has ADD. If we want to coddle him, that might account for his inability to learn songs properly.