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A question for the straight men.....

#44
As a young teen at highschool a friend put his hand on my knee. He didn't appear gay so I found it very weird. He gave up. We continued to be friends. I never forgot and he continued to seem very straight.

Googling him today draws a complete blank. Now that is weird, considering he graduated university with an honours and ought to be a member of some professional body. Maybe he put his hand on the wrong knee.
 
#45
It's happened to me fairly often. Doesn't bother me, and I try to be compassionate. A (gay) drummer friend once told me "if the gay guys are hitting on you, you're doing something right." So I take it as a compliment, and move on.
 
#46
As someone who has spent considerable time around gay men and has plenty of gay/alternate lifestyle relatives, I am comfortable with what I'm about to blurt out.

If you get hit on by a gay man, or a few gay men, you are attractive in their eyes.

If you get hit on by a lot of gay men, you are sending signals; maybe in appearance or behavior (how you carry yourself). Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I use to hang out nearly every Friday night in a bar that was maybe a 50/50 split and I only got hit on by a few gay men. That's because I'm so easy on the eyes and personable. They couldn't help themselves.:woot:
 
#47
I've played in a few bands with both gay men and women. And sure enough this topic has come up. When it did, one gay guy who was asked said "Why do straight guys assume that gay guys are actually attracted to them?" And I found it more than a little funny, because it made the people asking the question look either silly, vain or possibly even interested in being perceived as attractive to gay men despite saying otherwise.

If a gay guy thought I was attractive and hit on me? I'd take it as a compliment. I work in Manhattan, and NYC is a very gay friendly city. Gay and Lesbian couples walk around openly holding hands. And truth be told, the gay guys in Manhattan tend to be good looking guys. They seem like they live at the gym and they dress well. As a result, I don't really expect to be hit on. But if I was? Again, I'd take it as a compliment and I'd say politely that I'm sorry, but I'm not interested and I'm married. And I'd say the same thing to a woman if she approached me, too. It's just not a big deal.
 
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#48
slobake said:
I live in San Francisco I have experienced all kinds of things. From being heavily cruised to man crushes.
The men who desire a type or relationship I don't are usually guys I like so it is tricky. It has given me more sympathy for women who go through this with us guys. My usual approach is to thank them for the compliment and ask if we can still be friends.
We have a saying here "If you get bruised by being cruised you are in the wrong place." The older I get the less this happens and the chicken hawks leave me alone now.
I have also been told that I must be gay because I am "such a gentle soul." I consider that a compliment too but you don't have to be gay to be empathetic and care about other people.
Click to expand...

A girl told me recently she had douıbts about me being gay as I was a very gentle person after we spent a night together.

As if all gays are perfect creatures. There are gentle and a-holes on both sides. It's a matter of being a good person or not.



On the OP, I haven't been approached by a gay man but I'd do what I did to the woman I didn't find attractive. Take my time and explain it in a way that would be the least hurting.
 
#50
I had a roommate ten years ago. He was fresh off from china and I could tell he had problems adapting socially. I was renting a room from him and at some point he offered to lower my rent if i was willing to help him learn french. I accepted. The first and only time i did help him with french, he sat right next to me on the bed (against me more like it) and started touching my leg. I really didn't know how to react so...i didn't. I mean i don't have knee jerk reaction to gays, I just am not one. So i spent the hour or so going on with the lesson awkwardly pretending that wasn't happening (and hoping he wouldn't move up to my crotch, at which point yes, i would have reacted). The next time he asked if i could help again i said no, i'd prefer the rent go back to what it was. What had happened was never brought up but he got the message.

I think on top of social issues he was having real issues with his sexuality, i heard him once on the phone basically trying to tell a girl that he (supposedly) liked her and while i could only hear one side, she basically told him that she had thought he was gay and he asked very defensively why she would think that... I think it was a classic case of repression. I mean homosexuality in China is not accepted. I wouldn't be surprised he moved here for that very reason. He was 27 and im certain he was still a virgin....either with men or women.

I lived there for about another 6 months after, when i told him i was moving out he told me he'd like to invite me to dinner somewhere. I made sure that didn't happen. I was afraid i'd have to sit there awkwardly while he'd tell me how much he would miss me or something.

In a way it made me feel sorry for him, the way he was socially and with the whole sexually repressed (or in denial) thing going on...i doubt if he's ever had a romantic relationship even now.
 
#54
Immigrant said:
Yes.

I've had many gay friends, one was a bartender at a place I used to go to every day after work when I was a major drunk. He developed a crush on me and after his shift, he'd pony up next to me and try to convince me to give it to him. Keep in mind, I'm incredibly hot and was even more so back then.

I let him know I'd never be interested in switching teams, even if I was doing the pitching. Then I'd totally mess with his mind at the karaoke bar we'd go to a few blocks away by singing Elvis tunes to him while sitting on his lap.

No, I ain't kidding and if you think that's even SLIGHTLY gay, it might be. You know what? Gay dudes have a lot of fun.:woot: Think I'll try it.
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Well, being bi does double your chances to get a date. And you need every chance you can get. :D
 
#58
Just remembered the one I usually repress. Summer after freshman year, working as a camp counselor, we had a weekend off and I invited everyone to stay at my house since I lived the closest. Divvied up rooms and I was oblivious to the whole gay thing, shared my own room with the gay guy. I forget where the alcohol came from, if someone bought it or we went out or what, but I remember him drunk on my bed and me sleeping in a cot at the foot of it when he comes over and starts purring my name and stroking his finger down my back in a really creepy way. I suppose it was payback for times I came on to uninterested girls. I barked at him that he was drunk and should get to sleep, and that was the end of it.
 
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#60
hrodbert696 said:
Just remembered the one I usually repress. Summer after freshman year, working as a camp counselor, we had a weekend off and I invited everyone to stay at my house since I lived the closest. Divvied up rooms and I was oblivious to the whole gay thing, shared my own room with the gay guy. I forget where the alcohol came from, if someone bought it or we went out or what, but I remember him drunk on my bed and me sleeping in a cot at the foot of it when he comes over and starts purring my name and stroking his finger down my back in a really creepy way. I suppose it was payback for times I came on to uninterested girls. I barked at him that he was drunk and should get to sleep, and that was the end of it.
Click to expand...

Now that you mention it, I slept with a gay man once myself. (It was actually the same guy that said I was so ****ing A) We had a best friend in common, and we were up North at his wedding staying in a very nice rental house where the festivities were taking place.

All of my gay compadres have relocated to friendlier cities (Mostly Chicago), and Chris and Frank were both in town after having moved there. There were a limited number of beds available, and Chris's and Frank's boyfriends in Chicago would not appreciate their mens sleeping togather, sooooooo....... I got to share a bed with Chris.

We all got incredibly drunk, and the next morning was uncomfortable for all of the correct reasons. (Mostly splitting head aches, and I had a case of the wind that was legendary) I think Chris probably got the worst of it that weekend.
 
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