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A thread where I am sincerely asking for help

K

Kruton

Aug 20, 2005
451
3
Ocean Springs, MS
#1
Hello TBers, I have not posted in quite a while, but I am in desperate need of some help. I know this is a wall of text but please read it.

I am 18 years old, a relatively successful high school senior with college pretty much paid for with my grades. I got into an elusive early entry program for my dream career. This summer I am going to be a counselor at a camp I have been going to since I was 10 (something I have been looking forward to for years). I have dipped, drank, and smoked marijuana in my life. If I could only describe myself in a few words, it would be:confident, happy, intelligent.

On March the 22nd, I ingested 4 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds along with 2 of my friends and another of my friends who did 8. I got a headbuzz that lasted for about 5 hours along. Certain things felt enjoyable, such as laying in the grass in the sunshine or throwing a ball in the air. I was relaxed and in a good mood. I DID NOT see or hear anything that wasn't actually there.

About a week went relatively normally. I have always been one to worry and I would think to myself Am I as sharp as I was? I would shrug this feeling off as I have thought this alot for the past couple years.

Now this current week is spring break down here. I look up these seeds and I realize that they have LSA in them. LSA is related LSD (actually more potent). I somehow get to sleep that night, but I wake up in the morning feeling worse than I ever have in my life. I am extremely nervous, my heart is racing, I have a headache, I feel like puking. I now know this is called a panic attack. I run out of my house and call my friend who basically calms me down. I proceed to have one every day until today. I have trouble sleeping so I have to walk with a friend around Walmart until 1 am when I am finally calm. I also couldnt eat most of the time and would go on a protein bar the entire day.

I then asked my pharmacist about it. She calmed my fears (only for that day thought). She says I have no chance of brain damage nor a relapse. She even laughed (goodheartedly) at me, telling me I was fine.

I do not feel fine. I still get these panic attacks. I have asked my parents to get me professional help but I honestly think I appear much healthier than I feel. I don't think they take my fears seriously. I still think I am being irrational and I do not feel good at all. I am living day to day, I cannot even think a week into the future. I started reading about psychosis and it freaked my even more. I start to walk down the street and I see a car and I check other peoples faces just to make sure they also saw it. I realize this is irrational (being as I never saw anything in the first place) but I can't help it and it's getting worse.

Now my parents have told me they are going to get me someone, but we don't have a concrete date yet. Hell, I don't even know if I can even get in this week. So basically what I want to know is, can anyone tell me anything or any strategies to help me get through this day to day living until I can see a professional. Any personal stories too I guess?

I sincerely thank you for listening to me as that seems to be all thats helping these days. If anyone would care for me to elaborate more I would be more than willing to.
 
#2
I dont know what your faith is or what you believe, but if you dont mind I will be praying for you. Not only to get through this, but to realize that there are somethings you dont need in your life. You say you have things going well as far as college and your dream career. Maybe you should think more about your permanent future than temporary fulfillment. A few hrs of high will never amount to a few yrs of unmployment.

Im not here to judge you or anyone for the lifestyle that they live, but you did publicly ask, and you might not believe how much I will be thinking about you and your health these next few weeks, but Im genuinely concerned. I hope the help you seek works out. Just know sometimes we do have to take it day by day. If you need to talk, Im a PM away.
 
#3
You didn't trip...trust me, you would've known if you did. Laying in the grass IS enjoyable. You can't flashback if you never tripped. You're paranoid, you're freaking youself out and it's causing physical symptoms.

I would STRONGLY recommend you stay away from any mind-altering substances. They're not for you!
 
#5
Stop thinking about it. The more you worry about it, the more it will get to you. You sound like your smart, and headed in the direction you want to go, but maybe it's coming easy to you? Find something challenging and put your entire self and mind to finishing that challenge. Then go on to another challenge. Do this until you have forgotten about your problem.


And to rephrase what everybody else said, don't do it again to yourself.
 
#6
You are just having a panic attack.

Sometimes first time users of LSA/LSD and similar drugs have bouts of paranoia weeks after trying these drugs. You are fine. I would say lay off the drugs for a bit, but withdrawl and paranoia aren't fun.

I am the same way. I get freaked out after trying new 'things' and think they have messed me up. I got help, and the shrink told me the same thing I said above, Only she said I should stop drugs entirely, since I have terrible paranoia.

In short, Just relax, Keep yourself busy, don't sweat about it that much. PM me if yah need any more help. I can probably lend a hand in this if yah need it.
 
#7
Yes you are all completely right. I did not really trip and I now know they are not for me. I know I am just freaking myself out; however, therein lies the problem. I know it but I just can't stop.

To Dr. Funkdamental, I thank you. It means alot to me and I certainly appreciate your support. Yes, I have made a pledge to use my brain a little more beforehand and I want to keep it clean from now on. I will be thinking about your post.
 
#9
Professional help is a good idea. Until then, or if it doesn't happen, I propose you try to be very progressive with this. I understand this all appeared all of a sudden, but as far as your will is concerned, your conscious self probably won't make it go away this fast (although everything can stop at any moment for many other reasons).

Tomorrow morning, don't try not to panic. Try to keep your panic level a tad lower. Just a tad. It still has to happen, so let it happen. Call a friend if it helps you, or just sit somewhere you like and let the panic pass.

The next morning, see if you can be a little more calm. It's no big deal if things don't get better between two days, it's about the bigger picture. I would personally go for a walk early, because I like that. It's up to you.

This will also help you get things into perspective. Short term reactions are often amplified by the moment. Take your time. You're experiencing stress, so it's important that you don't end up stressing about not stressing.
 
#10
I'm just a regular guy who's been places and seen stuff, not a doctor, so take this for what it's worth.

It's very unlikely that your experience has caused any significant physical or lasting chemical changes in your brain. The problems you're having are caused by all the worrying you're doing - you need to get out of your head and into your body. Hard physical exercise, running, martial arts, that sort of thing.

I've been in similar places. Don't worry, it passes. Keep moving and keep busy.
 
#12
Have you had anxiety/panic attacks before this? The reason I ask is that I've had panic attacks on and off ever since I was a kid. Sometimes it just take some sort of trigger to start them off. I've never known anybody to have luck with seeing a therapist. It's really something you need to pull yourself out of. Realizing you're okay is a first step. The more reassurance you can get from other sources the better you will feel. And yes, stay away from caffeine and sugar both. They can trigger panic attacks in people who are sensitive to them.
 
#13
stay strong buddy, don't worry, you're not psychotic.

just try to take it easy. If you start to get panic-y, APATHY will be your friend. Just try and think "It's ok. It doesn't matter. It's all gonna be fine, just forget it, I don't even care". It certainly works for me in certain situations.
 
#15
4 Baby Woodrose seeds isn't going to do very much to anyone. You're just having panic attacks, and the more worrying you do, the more frequent the attacks will be. You need to find something else to occupy mind and do your best to push this out of your mind. Try to read or watch some movies to keep your mind away from it.
 
#16
One last tip:

Put an elastic band around your wrist. Not tight, just snug.

Whenever you catch yourself "thinking about thinking" and doubting your own sanity, snap the band against your wrist hard enough to sting a little. Not hard enough to do damage, just a little sting so that you learn not to go in that direction.

It sounds dumb, but can be pretty effective.
 
#17
UncleFluffy said:
One last tip:

Put an elastic band around your wrist. Not tight, just snug.

Whenever you catch yourself "thinking about thinking" and doubting your own sanity, snap the band against your wrist hard enough to sting a little. Not hard enough to do damage, just a little sting so that you learn not to go in that direction.

It sounds dumb, but can be pretty effective.
Click to expand...
That's a DBT skill also used to try and control self-mutilation (Snap a rubber band around your wrist to try and lessen urges to self cut, etc). It certainly could help with anxiety issues running wild.
 
#18
This is why I dont drink, do drugs, etc.

I think you are over panicking. Stressing and panicking can not help the panic attacks. Do something that calms you down.

Do not sit around the house and pity party yourself! This will now help.
 
#19
Eric618 said:
That's a DBT skill also used to try and control self-mutilation (Snap a rubber band around your wrist to try and lessen urges to self cut, etc). It certainly could help with anxiety issues running wild.
Click to expand...

As far as I know, it's much older than DBT, but yes it's surprisingly effective at changing thought patterns. Adding a carrot for reaching goals as well as the elastic band stick helps even more. (e.g. "I got through today with no major freakout and only one minor wobble so I get an extra portion of dessert").
 
#20
Hang in there, you srewed up, and you realized you've done so. Thats a good thing. I too recommend you find a new challenge, viji games, sports, girls, building models, working out etc. That'll keep your mind occupied.

How about playing your bass more often, and trying to play some more challenging pieces?
 

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