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A thread where I am sincerely asking for help

#42
Kruton said:
Hello TBers, I have not posted in quite a while, but I am in desperate need of some help. I know this is a wall of text but please read it.

I am 18 years old, a relatively successful high school senior with college pretty much paid for with my grades. I got into an elusive early entry program for my dream career. This summer I am going to be a counselor at a camp I have been going to since I was 10 (something I have been looking forward to for years). I have dipped, drank, and smoked marijuana in my life. If I could only describe myself in a few words, it would be:confident, happy, intelligent.

On March the 22nd, I ingested 4 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds along with 2 of my friends and another of my friends who did 8. I got a headbuzz that lasted for about 5 hours along. Certain things felt enjoyable, such as laying in the grass in the sunshine or throwing a ball in the air. I was relaxed and in a good mood. I DID NOT see or hear anything that wasn't actually there.

About a week went relatively normally. I have always been one to worry and I would think to myself Am I as sharp as I was? I would shrug this feeling off as I have thought this alot for the past couple years.

Now this current week is spring break down here. I look up these seeds and I realize that they have LSA in them. LSA is related LSD (actually more potent). I somehow get to sleep that night, but I wake up in the morning feeling worse than I ever have in my life. I am extremely nervous, my heart is racing, I have a headache, I feel like puking. I now know this is called a panic attack. I run out of my house and call my friend who basically calms me down. I proceed to have one every day until today. I have trouble sleeping so I have to walk with a friend around Walmart until 1 am when I am finally calm. I also couldnt eat most of the time and would go on a protein bar the entire day.

I then asked my pharmacist about it. She calmed my fears (only for that day thought). She says I have no chance of brain damage nor a relapse. She even laughed (goodheartedly) at me, telling me I was fine.

I do not feel fine. I still get these panic attacks. I have asked my parents to get me professional help but I honestly think I appear much healthier than I feel. I don't think they take my fears seriously. I still think I am being irrational and I do not feel good at all. I am living day to day, I cannot even think a week into the future. I started reading about psychosis and it freaked my even more. I start to walk down the street and I see a car and I check other peoples faces just to make sure they also saw it. I realize this is irrational (being as I never saw anything in the first place) but I can't help it and it's getting worse.

Now my parents have told me they are going to get me someone, but we don't have a concrete date yet. Hell, I don't even know if I can even get in this week. So basically what I want to know is, can anyone tell me anything or any strategies to help me get through this day to day living until I can see a professional. Any personal stories too I guess?

I sincerely thank you for listening to me as that seems to be all thats helping these days. If anyone would care for me to elaborate more I would be more than willing to.
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HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
#44
elgecko said:
You didn't trip...trust me, you would've known if you did. Laying in the grass IS enjoyable. You can't flashback if you never tripped. You're paranoid, you're freaking youself out and it's causing physical symptoms.

I would STRONGLY recommend you stay away from any mind-altering substances. They're not for you!
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This is my impression as well. It's not for everybody.
 
#51
stay strong buddy, don't worry, you're not psychotic.

just try to take it easy. If you start to get panic-y, APATHY will be your friend. Just try and think "It's ok. It doesn't matter. It's all gonna be fine, just forget it, I don't even care". It certainly works for me in certain situations.
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A huge +1

Also Eric thanks, that info holds water based on my own personal experiences.

I played with a lot of psychedelics my last year in college while living with some hippies (LSD, Mushrooms, Salvia Divinorum, 2CI...) and I still smoke the herb (although I've given up the other stuff, having gotten a lot out of it, but knowing that there is such a thing as too much)...Let me also add that I'm an upstanding member of society, I support myself, put myself through school, work very hard and wouldn't hurt a fly.

Anyway, I had a panic attack once, in front of a girl on a second date after we had smoked some rather strong herb she had (I really liked her and I was trying way to hard)...I thought I had totally cracked my gourd for a good 5 minutes that felt like an eternity (half of me was freaking out, the other half was trying to calm myself down) I felt really powerless and the fact that I knew I had blown my chances made it that much worse) and the experience haunted me for awhile...I couldn't listen to the Decemberists for a year cause it reminded me of the whole thing, and the loss of the girl due to my own insecurities.

Anyway whenever that feeling creeps up on me (which is almost always after I've smoked some funky weed or eaten a weird baked good) I turn to existential bliss, the idea that I cannot change what I've done and that in the end I have to roll with it...and also that my life is small and insignificant in the scope of things...In other words "zoom out" reflect on something bigger than yourself (the wonders of the universe, the fact that you are comprised of zillions of tiny atoms, the fact that there are 600 billions suns in our galaxy alone). I find this important in daily life too...I'm incredibly introspective normally, always have been, and when my probings start to get unpleasant I know that I need to zoom out, or grab some good tunes or my bass and move my focus.

Last time I started freaking out a bit and I said to myself "Everything is gonna be alright...everything is just going to be." Next thing I knew I was in my room on my computer writing song lyrics for the verses to go with the chorus I inadvertently stumbled upon and working out melodies.

Anyway let me also say I've never actually had a flashback, I've thought I have a few times, only to investigate and find that a light struck a piece of glass in such a way that it looked like a spark flew out of the table...ext. I have however experienced closed eye visuals late at night if I'm really drunk or baked (which after the initial shock of seeing for the first time I have come to see as a bonus).

Also like Eric said I've never seen anything that wasn't there...only a distortion or exaggeration of what was real...on psychedelics its like the mind finds implied motion, and enhances shadow and light and uses it in a subconscious creative way.... swimming paisleys, moving tree bark, halos, energy traces, patterns formed out of the light traces on your closed eyelids...ext.

Let me also add that paranoia for me doesn't stem from the chemical itself but the realization that life is a perception...Fully realizing this is the true alteration of the mind IMO. Once you accept that fact (by experiencing it) it's hard to shake that idea.

At the end of the day I'm a far better/happier person for some of the experiences I had during "My Summer of Love" and I wouldn't trade them (acknowledging that was really important to me as well)...I discovered what art means to me...I discovered groove alone in my room that summer (and I wouldn't trade that for the world)...I discovered how to dance...I discovered how much I love nature and that I have a mental sanctuary in their in the forest that is all mine...I confronted the part of me that was still a scared little child and put him in his place and that changed my love life, my personal life and my artistic life.
 
#52
Deluge Of Sound said:
That's why? I thought it would've had more to do with being 16, and living in Ohio. :p
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Little story from my part of Ohio.

A kid in my brothers class was caught with pills the other day. He brought them to school under a bandaid and sold them to kids. 3 kids were taken to the hospital, and another was Life Flighted to Pittsburgh. The school is planning on banning bandaids now. :rollno:

My brother is in 5th grade, BTW. :scowl:
 
#53
10. You begin to drool involuntarily

9. You see the Aflac duck in new, deeply profound ways

8. Your beer is so cold that it "burns" your hand

7. You understand that Dave's not there...and that's okay

6. You become aware of your tongue

5. You're convinced that the Kool Aid guy is about to burst through the wall...and you're outside

4. You suddenly have the ability to direct someone to Sesame Street

3. The realization that Casper the Friendly Ghost is a dead child bums you out

2. The band you're in starts playing different tunes












1. You forget to breathe :p
 
#56
I think the simple answer is "psychadelic drugs aren't for you". I can guarantee you those few seeds you took contained very little LSA, definitely not an amount comparable to a few tabs of LSD. You've started to panic because you don't really know what these drugs do and you're mistaking your panic for the effects of the drugs, creating a bit of a "vicious circle" scenario. As was said before, you CANNOT have flashbacks if you didn't trip.

You're suffering from anxiety. Chill out mate and stick to the drugs you know you can deal with.
 

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