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Am I being unreasonable?

MisterFabulous

MisterFabulous

Feb 4, 2010
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678
#1
I am a bass player in a band, but would like to perhaps join a second band. I see an ad on Craigslist for a band forming two towns away, the format seems interesting. So I send an email, mentioning that my current band is playing out tomorrow night at the local brewery. I give the time and place in the message.

Almost immediately I get this in response: "Hi...I am not sure if I will be able get by there tomorrow. Let me know if you want to talk by phone."

The gig is ten miles from where the poster lives and he can't make it?
None of the three members can make it?

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that them hearing and seeing me in a band context is the best and most efficient way for me to audition? And if they pass it up, or poster does not tell the others, then probably it's for the best?
 
#4
MisterFabulous said:
The gig is ten miles from where the poster lives and he can't make it? None of the three members can make it?
Click to expand...

Be easy about it.

Yep, not reasonable to assume strangers could invest the time on that day, at that time on short notice to see another strangers band play live. As well as to think they do not already have commitments or to think it reflects on their professionalism, interest or convictions.

MisterFabulous said:
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that them hearing and seeing me in a band context is the best and most efficient way for me to audition?
Click to expand...
Depends on the band. Of course band context can be very useful but see above...^^

MisterFabulous said:
And if they pass it up, or poster does not tell the others, then probably it's for the best?
Click to expand...
No. See above - it has zero indication of whether or not there is a match or interest there.

Just take the next step, talk by phone as requested. That request is a green flag - there was a time years ago where phone was the only option and it saved a great deal of time. And he told you the truth about availability, another green flag. I find it is often the sign of more dedicated players now-a-days.
 
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#5
Expecting strangers to drop what they’re doing on a Friday night to come watch you play with a different band? Yeah, I think that’s unreasonable.

So much more goes into being a member of a band than musical skill. While they would have been able to see if you can play, that won’t tell them whether you will show up sober, on time, are easy to work with, have some level of musical knowledge, play well with others, etc. Even if they saw you and liked your playing, all those questions would be unanswered until an actual audition. I know our band would never bring somebody in based on something like that, nor have I heard of other bands doing that.

It’s their band and they get to set the terms of the audition.
 
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#7
I sort of see going to the gig as a win-win for all involved. If I don't have the look, or the chops, or j'en sais quoi, then the rest move on and at least they got to take in the atmosphere.

If they do like what I potentially bring, then we can have more discussion.

If I were seeking bandmates, and was invited, I'd be there in a shot.
 
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#8
MisterFabulous said:
I sort of see going to the gig as a win-win for all involved. If I don't have the look, or the chops, or j'en sais quoi, then the rest move on and at least they got to take in the atmosphere.

If they do like what I potentially bring, then we can have more discussion.

If I were seeking bandmates, and was invited, I'd be there in a shot.
Click to expand...
Well, I have a choice.

I can drop everything I might have planned-- my kid's birthday, my nephew's wedding-- on short notice and go to your gig where (no offense meant) the odds of you being something interesting and useful for my band's needs are not high, or I can ask you to do exactly the same thing I'm asking every other interested person to do, which is come to my prearranged rehearsal location at a mutually agreeable time so that we can all see for ourselves how it's going to go.

You seem to think that it makes a lot more sense to drop everything on short notice than I do. If possible I'd go with a week's notice, or two weeks, but not a day. That's because one out of every 20 or so people I've met through Craigslist is someone I wanted to work with. Sorry, but that's just how it is and some of us are not willing to rearrange our lives on such short notice when the odds of it working out are that low.

Also, the fact that you don't get this after it's been explained to you sort of speaks to an elevated sense of self importance that's a big red flag I wouldn't want to bother with. If you aren't willing to stand in the same line with all the other candidates, I really don't need you in the line at all.
 
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#9
I'm piling on....believe it or not, the world doesn't revolve around you. Yes, you are being unreasonable. You offered for them to see your band (and you) in action. They couldn't do it and offered a phone call and possibly an audition. Practically everything in life is a negotiation; figuring out how to make things work. This is your opportunity to show them you are easy to work with or.....unreasonable in which case you probably won't get the job.
 
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#11
MisterFabulous said:
I am a bass player in a band, but would like to perhaps join a second band. I see an ad on Craigslist for a band forming two towns away, the format seems interesting. So I send an email, mentioning that my current band is playing out tomorrow night at the local brewery. I give the time and place in the message.

Almost immediately I get this in response: "Hi...I am not sure if I will be able get by there tomorrow. Let me know if you want to talk by phone."

The gig is ten miles from where the poster lives and he can't make it?
None of the three members can make it?

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that them hearing and seeing me in a band context is the best and most efficient way for me to audition? And if they pass it up, or poster does not tell the others, then probably it's for the best?
Click to expand...
I wouldn't say that you're unreasonable, but you should maybe realize that people have lives and things to do and maybe can't go to a bar to hear a potential new band member playing with his old band, which might be kinda uncool anyway. Don't let this deter you if you're interested in this new project
 
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#14
MisterFabulous said:
I sort of see going to the gig as a win-win for all involved. If I don't have the look, or the chops, or j'en sais quoi, then the rest move on and at least they got to take in the atmosphere.

If they do like what I potentially bring, then we can have more discussion.

If I were seeking bandmates, and was invited, I'd be there in a shot.
Click to expand...

I might very well be there or at another of your gigs someday, but not necessarily on such short notice.
 
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#17
The invite was reasonable. And yeah, seeing you live is pretty good way to see your skills. Of course, I wouldn’t want my wife (current BL) to meet my girlfriend (potential BL), but not everyone cares.

But so is seeing and hearing a live performance on vid. That’s what I use when responding to a CL post.

Take the decline at face value, and plan to see them live or sit in at their rehearsal.
 
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