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And you work WHERE?

#22
Once a buddy and I was in NYC and there was this street vendor selling minature Jesus(es). He wanted to get one for his atheist friend as a joke. So he walked up to the table, there were like twenty of them all laid out nicely, and he asks the merchant "if they burn."
The guy looked at him blankly... and then after awhile goes "sure, I guess."
So my buddy plops down his money and takes one, which is packaged in a box. As he's getting his change, the guy mutters under his breath "you're going to hell."
My buddy (whose Catholic BTW) kind of laughs it off, and we head down the street. As we're walking he opens the box, and then promptly turns around. By the time I catch up with him, he's yelling at the guy who sold him the jesus, demanding him the money back.
"You said they burn... THESE don't burn!"
The guy at the table "Says look, what do you want from me, it'll burn", so he takes out a lighter and is trying to burn the jesus right there. But it's a windy day, and his lighter is blowing out. Plus the thing is hard plastic. As this whole thing is happening, we notice that a couple of nuns are standing by watching the scene. The guy trying to burn the jesus and my buddy just freeze, and there's a long awkward silence. Suddenly, my buddy (whose grown up going to Catholic school) notices the nuns, and he holds it up shaking it at them angry, but trying to explain it the same time, "He lied... He said it would burn..."
My buddy was defeated and humiliated in front of a growing crowd.
This whole time my buddy thought he was buying his friend a jesus candle.
 
#23
My favorite burger is a pounder from McDonalds. It's really a rather simple concept. Just like a quarter pounder with 4 pieces of meat and 4 pieces of cheese. If you can eat two of these you are going to hell... very shortly!

None-the-less try explaining this to McDonalds staff, they just have no idea. Especially when you say "it's like a quadruple quarter pounder" and the fools reply "so that's three pieces of meat?":rollno:

I ask for one in Sydney, I was shocked at how quickly the counter staff got the concept. She poked her head into the kitchen to make the order, to which I could hear one of the burger boys reply "holy $~!+ !". That lack of proffessionalism really made my day.
 
#26
Anesthesia said:
monty python got it right when they said american beer is like making love in a canoe. F*****G close to water
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No kidding! Sometimes it just looks like someone peed in a cup, put some foamy stuff on it, and called it beer. Nasty stuff.

nope, they didn't have an english muff'n. btw the whole time the kids supervisor was standing behind the counter. He had his hand over his mouth, his face was beet red, his stomach was quaking, and there were tears running down his cheeks. Afterwards the guy takes me aside and says, "sorry, we don't have one, but i wish we did."
 
#27
;)
skwerel said:
I was in Indianapolis yesterday and stopped in the Sam Ash by the Centerville Plaza, just because. I was looking around at fx pedals; i particularly wanted to try out an English Muff'n, due to all the banter about it on TB.

So I went up to the PFY (pimply-faced youth) behind the counter and said "Do you have an English Muff'n around here somewhere?" The look on his face was priceless. I just stood there waiting for him to answer.

Eventually he replied with "What, are you hungry?"

:eyebrow:
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Maybe he used to work at McD's?

That, or he's a drummer.

:p :ninja: :hiding: ;)

Cherie
 
#28
agreatheight said:
I once ordered a Half and Half at a bar and got just that, a large glass full of Half and Half. I had to explain to the bartender that a Half and Half is half guiness and half Bass Ale. He says that's a Black and Tan, I say no, a Black and Tan is half Guiness and half Harp Ale. Either way, shouldn't you stop and think to ask about it before pouring 16 ounces of creamer into a glass?

People are stupid everywhere.
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well, I've lived in 3 major cities and it's ALWAYS been a "black and tan" to me! Not sure he's stupid for thinking it!
 
#29
richardn517 said:
half and half is also a term used for a mixture of tea and lemonade as well.
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I thought that was an Arnold Palmer. The bars I drank at, a Half and Half was Guiness and Harp, and Black and Tan was Guiness and Bass, for the record.

I almost wish people in the music stores near me were as clueless as the ones you describe. Maybe I just don't go to GC enough ;)
 
#30
I went into a local grocery chain (Kroger) looking for some Poppycock for my pregnant wife who had a craving. Poppycock is like Cracker Jack, or Crunch 'N Munch, only much tastier. I didn't see any where it usually was. I asked the closest worker, and he replied "No, we don't have any right now. It's seasonal." Needless to say this has been an inside joke with my family for a long time. If we can't find something (a sock, the mustard, etc.) we say it must be seasonal.
 
#34
Hoover Johnson said:
My favorite burger is a pounder from McDonalds. It's really a rather simple concept. Just like a quarter pounder with 4 pieces of meat and 4 pieces of cheese. If you can eat two of these you are going to hell... very shortly!

None-the-less try explaining this to McDonalds staff, they just have no idea. Especially when you say "it's like a quadruple quarter pounder" and the fools reply "so that's three pieces of meat?":rollno:

I ask for one in Sydney, I was shocked at how quickly the counter staff got the concept. She poked her head into the kitchen to make the order, to which I could hear one of the burger boys reply "holy $~!+ !". That lack of proffessionalism really made my day.
Click to expand...

This idiot stoner kid came in one day with his friends (He had a goofy look on his face. What else could it have been?) and ordered a double quarter pounder with one extra piece of meat and cheese. We couldn't do it because it would throw off our inventory. I don't really care, but I think we just saved a life that day by not allowing him to poison himself like that.
 
#37
Well, they do sell cider here. I don't know who drinks it. The stuff with a big K on the label isn't half bad I guess, it's drier than the ubiquitous Woodchuck brand.

I don't care where I am, give me a locally brewed beer. If you ever get to the American northwest you are really in for a treat! I think every little burg in Oregon must have 2 breweries.
 

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