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Another Band/Wife drama thread/vent

#21
BobWestbrook said:
Or maybe, just maybe, it's time you grew up and stopped playing rockstar?
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Lol...I KNEW sooner or later someone was going to jump in with that.
Look, I am NOT "playing rockstar" or "trying to get signed" :rolleyes:

I am in a cover band, we have fun...we get paid. I am 42 and have a talent that I ain't going to waste bangin' on the bass in my jam room or at a friends drunken party. I own a house..have a job.
I think I'm pretty much "grown up" There are TONS of threads of us older guys that still get out and play live. Has NOTHING to do with living some rockstar fantasy or being immature. We LOVE playing and while I can still walk without a cane, or have to wear a diaper on stage I am going to enjoy every bit of it.
As far as the wife, Yes...I am standing my ground and REFUSE to let a woman tell me "her or the band", when there is NO issues of drugs/infidelity..the ONLY issue is a bit of jealousy and a 'lil insecurity .
 
#24
I am in a similar position age-wise and marriage-wise. I've been happily married for 30 years and have also NEVER given my wife a reason to mistrust me. And while she's been very supportive of my hobby (we also gig for money like your band, but it IS just a hobby - no illusions of grandeur), sometimes she feels like a bass widow. She does come to gigs, and she knows she can trust me, but sometimes human nature takes over, especially if there are hotties dancing three feet from you. Anyway, talking it out is the answer. And giving your wife lots of attention (especially if she's at a gig), and letting her know she's loved and appreciated goes a long way.
 
#28
Jim11895 said:
I am in a similar position age-wise and marriage-wise. I've been happily married for 30 years and have also NEVER given my wife a reason to mistrust me. And while she's been very supportive of my hobby (we also gig for money like your band, but it IS just a hobby - no illusions of grandeur), sometimes she feels like a bass widow. She does come to gigs, and she knows she can trust me, but sometimes human nature takes over, especially if there are hotties dancing three feet from you. Anyway, talking it out is the answer. And giving your wife lots of attention (especially if she's at a gig), and letting her know she's loved and appreciated goes a long way.
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Oh Yeah, when she is at a gig I sit with her and the other members wives/girlfriends. As far as the hot girls dancing....lol I just say I am a 42 yr old bass player...they are NOT checking me out :D
I usually get the waffle house waitress, will a pall mall cigg, hanging out her mouth and more make-up on than a $10 crack ho hooker....:eek: flirting or trying to sexy dance on my side :crying:
 
#29
ibateur said:
...I'm as old as OP and married as well. I don't know if I'd give it up right then and there. I might finish what gigs are booked but would ask the band to lighten my load and find a sub or replace me, at least temporarily. Just that act alone might help the relationship back to a good spot.
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Giving in does no good. That's where I am right now. My wife gave me the "her or the band" ultimatum, so I chose her in the interests of maintaining the marriage, taking a leave of absence. She continues with several extracurricular activities of her own while I have none because me doing band is "too stressful" for her. I tried to open a discussion last night (after 5 months off). I wanted to discuss that this is something that's important to me, try to work out a compromise, blah, blah, blah..., but no. Won't even discuss. If you have a wife like mine, once you give something, it's gone for good. :mad:

p.s. this isn't a bar band. I play for children at church twice a month and do the occasional extra church event.
 
#30
MX21 said:
Giving in does no good. That's where I am right now. My wife gave me the "her or the band" ultimatum, so I chose her in the interests of maintaining the marriage, taking a leave of absence. She continues with several extracurricular activities of her own while I have none because me doing band is "too stressful" for her. I tried to open a discussion last night (after 5 months off). I wanted to discuss that this is something that's important to me, try to work out a compromise, blah, blah, blah..., but no. Won't even discuss. If you have a wife like mine, once you give something, it's gone for good. :mad:

p.s. this isn't a bar band. I play for children at church twice a month and do the occasional extra church event.
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Time to issue your own ultimatum.

OP, stick to your guns!
 
#32
mward69 said:
Lol, referring to the guitar player G-friend is an inside joke with all of us, He {guitar} was the one that started the whole "we have a hottie" in the band to attract more peeps.
Wife used to come to the gigs. She isn't real fond of our male singer for one, she also says she is over the bar scene {which I understand}
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Hmm... well I got nothing then, other than what I stated before about insecurities in regards to the "sewing circle" gossip. No doubt she isnt happy to hear about it, even if it isnt true, someone is out there saying those things about you and your relationship.

dtripoli said:
All joking aside, my wife put it succinctly; bass players are hot, end of story. It is what attracted her to me.
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Your wife is wrong!!!
Aside from myself, and possibly you as well, bass players are often of the ugly sort!

:hiding:
 
#35
bluewine said:
Good point, many guys get back into this business for the wrong reasons.
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Funny...my wife told me I needed to go back to playing in a band and gigging because she got tired of me bouncing around the house every night looking for random things to fix.

But mostly I suspect it's so she can watch all the shows I find detestable without me making retching sounds or rolling my eyes....
 
#37
1) No pics - no hottie singer! :p

Seriously, tell us about your wife's childhood. Were her parents divorced or separated for any reason when she was young? Was she abused emotionally or physically? Does she seem to hate you one minute, and adore you the next? Have trouble coping when you are not around? if bells are ringing, then go the link below for answers.

Invalid Link Removed


Because if it's BPD throw all logic out the window and get a good lawyer. A woman can have latent BPD for years until a life changing event (marriage, kids) triggers it. If you are wondering how that sweet chick you married turned into a jealous raging monster, this could be the answer. Irrational fear of abandonment is the hallmark, and childhood abuse/abandonment is the foundation. :atoz:
 
#38
Marley's Ghost said:
1) No pics - no hottie singer! :p

Seriously, tell us about your wife's childhood. Were her parents divorced or separated for any reason when she was young? Was she abused emotionally or physically? Does she seem to hate you one minute, and adore you the next? Have trouble coping when you are not around? if bells are ringing, then go the link below for answers.

Invalid Link Removed


Because if it's BPD throw all logic out the window and get a good lawyer. A woman can have latent BPD for years until a life changing event (marriage, kids) triggers it. If you are wondering how that sweet chick you married turned into a jealous raging monster, this could be the answer. Irrational fear of abandonment is the hallmark, and childhood abuse/abandonment is the foundation. :atoz:
Click to expand...

Armchair medical diagnosis from an online forum is ill advised, me thinks. She's a woman. Being that you're a man, you'll never understand her. If you're happy, best to just accept it. If not, then that's the time to do some soul searching.
 

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