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Another Craigslist Ad -- hire this man!

PauFerro

PauFerro

Jun 8, 2008
3,361
4,204
United States
#1
BAND MUST BE PRO ! DONT WASTE MY FREAKING TIME IF YOUR NOT PRO!

I have my own keyboard and power cable ( 120 VOLT ). YOU MUST ALSO SUPPLY AMPS AND CABLES.
All songs must be in key of C and must ONLY use G Dm and Am.
If women are in the band, they must be pretty and willing to get coffee.
Im Vegan, so that means that no band members will be allowed to eat meat from now on and must join my yoga class on tuesday mornings.
No Cats!!! if you own a cat, dont even bother sending me your demo and resume!

Band must have money, food, rehearsal space and a place to store my laundry. Beer is optional.
 
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#2
PauFerro said:
BAND MUST BE PRO ! DONT WASTE MY FREAKING TIME IF YOUR NOT PRO!

I have my own keyboard and power cable ( 120 VOLT ). YOU MUST ALSO SUPPLY AMPS AND CABLES.
All songs must be in key of C and must ONLY use G Dm and Am.
If women are in the band, they must be pretty and willing to get coffee.
Im Vegan, so that means that no band members will be allowed to eat meat from now on and must join my yoga class on tuesday mornings.
No Cats!!! if you own a cat, dont even bother sending me your demo and resume!

Band must have money, food, rehearsal space and a place to store my laundry. Beer is optional.
Click to expand...

Link or it didn't happen.

Sounds like this guy's looking to reform his cult, not join a band. ;)
 
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#10
PauFerro said:
Can anyone comment on where this brown and M&M concept comes from? Reach into the depth of your memory banks? It's a great story if someone wants to tell it!
Click to expand...

It was Van Halen, yes? They would trash the hotel room if their bowl of M&Ms contained any whose coating was brown. I think that was it. :)

But now I learn that this type of CL ad is a meme. I quoted yours to a friend who came back with this one:

PRO Bassist Available (Jackson)

Date: 2012-02-04, 7:43PM EST

Reply to: [email protected]

Bass player available for PAYING GIGS ONLY. I play G, C, D. If your songs are not in G, please transpose them into G. If your song has an Em or Bm or anything off the wall I will probably sit out that chord. Or I could learn those notes for $30 each. If you want me to do fancy stuff like go back and forth between G and D while you hold a G chord, forget it because I'm a "pocket" player. Minimum $100 per gig within a 5 mile radius of 39202. $5 per mile travel charge for other areas out of town. Please make sure your gigs are on a JATRAN bus route, or you can pick me up at my place. Must be home by 11pm due to previous legal hassles. No gigs within 500 yards of schools, parks, or playgrounds.​
 
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#11
Snaxster said:
It was Van Halen, yes? They would trash the hotel room if their bowl of M&Ms contained any whose coating was brown. I think that was it. :)
Click to expand...

Close -- Van Halen, apparently, was one of the few bands to put on a huge audio show that relied on contracted sound at many venues. Buried in the middle of the technical rider was a statement that in the dressing room, there should be a bowl of M&M's with all the brown ones taken out.

Given how much they were trusting the contracted technical people to get all the audio equipment right, if there were brown M&M's in the bowl, or if there were no M&M's at all, he'd order a total recheck of the technical chain. He used the M&M's as an indicator of the care the technical staff had taken in reading the technical rider. It was his way of ensuring quality control with a simple leading indicator.
 
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#12
I've had my share of ups and downs in the music biz, met my share of wackos, but I wonder how far down the rabbit hole a musician has to go, and how disturbed he must become, before he feels compelled to express his disappointment and disgust and publicly vent with such dark humor.

Do these people, in similar dark fits of hopelessness, also set their instruments on fire and toss the flaming carcasses off a cliff in a symbolic middle finger to the cosmos for the unfair and harsh treatment they received in their thwarted attempts at success?

I truly feel a little sad for these folks.

Until I go to those extremes, I guess I'll feel like I've been fairly lucky, relatively speaking.
 
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#13
PauFerro said:
Close -- Van Halen, apparently, was one of the few bands to put on a huge audio show that relied on contracted sound at many venues. Buried in the middle of the technical rider was a statement that in the dressing room, there should be a bowl of M&M's with all the brown ones taken out.

Given how much they were trusting the contracted technical people to get all the audio equipment right, if there were brown M&M's in the bowl, or if there were no M&M's at all, he'd order a total recheck of the technical chain. It was his way of ensuring quality control with a leading indicator.
Click to expand...

Exactly this.
 
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#14
PauFerro said:
Close -- Van Halen, apparently, was one of the few bands to put on a huge audio show that relied on contracted sound at many venues. Buried in the middle of the technical rider was a statement that in the dressing room, there should be a bowl of M&M's with all the brown ones taken out.

Given how much they were trusting the contracted technical people to get all the audio equipment right, if there were brown M&M's in the bowl, or if there were no M&M's at all, he'd order a total recheck of the technical chain. He used the M&M's as an indicator of the care the technical staff had taken in reading the technical rider. It was his way of ensuring quality control with a simple leading indicator.
Click to expand...

It wasn't just the audio, it also had to do with things such as the weight bearing capacity of where the stage was set.

As David Lee Roth said in an interview....

"The folks in Pueblo, Colorado, at the university, took the contract rather kinda casual. They had one of these new rubberized bouncy basketball floorings in their arena. They hadn’t read the contract, and weren’t sure, really, about the weight of this production; this thing weighed like the business end of a 747.

I came backstage. I found some brown M&M’s, I went into full Shakespearean “What is this before me?” … you know, with the skull in one hand … and promptly trashed the dressing room. Dumped the buffet, kicked a hole in the door, twelve thousand dollars’ worth of fun.

The staging sank through their floor. They didn’t bother to look at the weight requirements or anything, and this sank through their new flooring and did eighty thousand dollars’ worth of damage to the arena floor. The whole thing had to be replaced. It came out in the press that I discovered brown M&M’s and did eighty-five thousand dollars’ worth of damage to the backstage area.

Well, who am I to get in the way of a good rumor?"

The brown M&M idea was really pure genius in ensuring that the rider was read thoroughly.
 
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