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Another funny musician wanted ad...

ARE YOU AN *EXPERIENCED & AVAILABLE* DRUMMER & BASSIST,

Trio playing laid back (classic) rock & top-40, with subtle funk, jazz & progressive influences. Interesting tunes, good arrangements & improvised elements. There won't be much rehearsing, as the repertoire has already been performed successfully. I don't expect you to quit your day job tomorrow, just as long as you can show up knowing your parts & sound good right away. Currently I do 70% covers, but have lots of completed, marketable, original songs. We'll be playing bars between Ottawa & Montreal on most weekends, participating in radio contests & putting out CD's ASAP.
FREE rehearsal room near the Ontario/Quebec border, amp & basic drum kit provided
(no cymbals, high-hats, stands). Open to adding a dynamic female singer once we start gigging.

If you want to:
Only gig once every few months
-OR- "Play it with your own feel."
-OR- "Just jam for fun & have a good time"
-OR- "get together when you want to, no pressure."
- Then this is *NOT* the band for you!

YOU MUST:
- Be able to play it as on the recording.
- Be able to sing harmony vocals confidently.
- Have your own car, or at least access to one.
- Be solid & punchy, without being a head-banger.
- Be disciplined enough to learn your parts by yourself.
- Have an excellent sense of meter & play with subtlety & dynamics.
- Be serious & *AVAILABLE* to play every weekend (long-term) with our band.
- Be willing to commit to *OUR BAND ONLY* (not involved with other bands)
- Speak English fluently.
- Be a happy (balanced), intelligent, responsible/reliable & punctual person.
- Be a: NON-SMOKER, DRUG-FREE & SOBER

WILL *ONLY* CONTACT YOU, IF YOU MENTION:
- Specific bands/bars (when & where) you used to play.
- Specific songs that you used to play (20 or more)
- Musician & musical influences (specific artists).
- Specific bands/songs/genres that you *dislike*.
- Your day job, location, family situation.
- Your age (full date of birth is best).
- Your long term goals.

BONUS POINTS:
- Mention your favorite: Movies, TV shows & authors, - other hobbies/pass-times.
- Send a web-page link where I can hear you play.
- If you have a hot sister : )

I lean more to the cerebral side of things (ie: not sports or partying) & am also interested in all of that "esoteric/new-age" stuff. So it would help if you were on the same wave length to. If all of this sounds a little too fussy for you, or doesn't seem worth the effort, then you may be missing the point of asking these questions. Just saving time by being as specific as possible & am *definitely* worth it... Are you?




Taken from: Link Removed
 
Hey, at least he knows what he wants and is willing to say it.

Most of the stuff he lists I'd expect in a bandmate as well (the non-genre specific stuff). He just seems to want a solid, responsible, committed player to me?

The big beef I'd have with it is being forced to stick to just his group.
 
The bands a trio but dosent have a bassist or drummer??

awesome trio.

We've got a lot of guys like that around here. They know X amount of songs and want you to learn the songs that they already know, plus their super awesome originals. Then they want you to sing perfect five part harmonies (in a trio), have a certain "look", top end gear, and it's their way or the highway. That's why they are always a "trio" looking for a drummer and bassist.
 
Sounds like a real dill hole. I'd so LOVE working with this guy.

ACHTUNG! You vill ply zee part egzaktly as recorded! And no, you cannot have zee cigarette!

Do you reckon the reason he still hasn't found anyone to play with the fact that he sounds like the type of guy that if you hung around with for say... 30 seconds you'd need an entire pack of smokes and a couple bottles of Jack just to cope with the douche
 
I think it's great that he's laying out exactly what he wants.

It doesn't sound like the sort of regime I'd be interested in joining, even though I like the sound of the material and the serious approach, but at least I know that before I waste his and my time phoning about it or joining and finding out later.
 
I can't decide whether he's an nazi or just incredibly stupid. Maybe he's a stupid nazi? :hiding:

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate that he's laying out what he expects from the band. It's nice that he's being honest. However what he is expecting is nothing short of overkill. For one thing, demanding that you only play with his band is just a tad bit extreme.

I laughed when I read "Be a: NON-SMOKER, DRUG-FREE & SOBER". :eyebrow: I can understand the drug-free part, and "sobriety" while playing is also a good idea. Non-smoker though? If the person smokes outside or in the bar, what right does he have holding that against the guy? Also, if they're in bars, the a'hole is going to get a whif of smoke no matter what (this assumes that smoking in bars is still allowed in Canada. If not, then obviously smoking in bars would be a problem:))
 
Also, if they're in bars, the a'hole is going to get a whif of smoke no matter what (this assumes that smoking in bars is still allowed in Canada. If not, then obviously smoking in bars would be a problem:))

Smoking has been banned in Ontario bars for many years now, and more recently here in Quebec. I don't know what the laws are in other provinces.

GT
 
...so I guess its just him then...

I like how he's looking for a drummer and bassists, in the hopes to make it a trio, but then says he'd be willing to add a singer later on...so... it's a quartet?

Or just a trio plus one...

****ing hippies.

I think that part is the whole 'esoteric/new-age' thing! Bwa Ha Ha Ha!!!!
His counting skills are suspect as well!