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Another possible band breakup

L

LBS-bass

Guest
Nov 22, 2017
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87,326
#1
I'm about ready to throw in the towel. My band practices here, or did. I know everyone has missed rehearsals but no one has been comfortable with the idea of resuming.

My husband and I are willing to throw a little bit of money behind making our rehearsal space safer. We want to install HEPA certified air circulation units and I have already bought plexiglass shields for our microphones.

About two weeks ago I sent out a group text asking for thoughts about this, and heard nothing. Today I sent out another group text, which I know everyone read, also asking for thoughts about what everyone is comfortable with.

Lead singer wrote back right away, he's in the conversation. I know where the drummer stands because I just spoke with him earlier today, but the guitarist has been unresponsive to all of my texts.

It's not an insignificant amount of money we're talking about spending and i just want to know if they're comfortable with these measures before we spend it. Right now I'm at the brink of just saying no, we'll wait until we can do things the way we always did them, and considering the band over until it's not.

When I point this out the drummer adds his 2c that he's good with it but doesn't want to pressure anyone. I'm not pressuring anyone. I just need some response, one way or the other, because a grand is a lot of money to spend if those guys aren't coming over.

Right now I'm leaning toward not spending it.
 
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#4
Those are exactly my thoughts. I'm fine if they don't feel comfortable yet, that's totally understandable. I just want to have some dialog so I can figure out where everyone stands. But I know I'm losing my patience and there's a part of me that has sort of stopped caring about even being in a band, it's been so long and the likelihood of playing anywhere is fairly remote for a good long while. So if they can't respond to me then I might just toss in the towel. Honestly bands are always stress I don't need.
 
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#5
Yeah even in an area where there was virtually no illness or deaths due to C19, we had to wait out our guitarist. It's fine. We're all great friends. I consider them all worth the wait.

We're getting together for the first time Thursday night.

That being said, @LBS-bass , you are absolutely correct. Grown people communicate what they're feeling and let the chips fall where they may. If tour guitarist isn't ready to get together yet, he/she should just say do.
 
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#7
bassstrangler said:
I'm prepared to watch this thread go down in flames with this (your) response.
Click to expand...
Not from me. I disagree that it's overblown and have been reminding people since day one that if we do all the right things we're going to look like we overreacted to this, and that has to be OK. Seeing less disease than we feared means what we are doing is working.

So we'll just disagree on this one and leave it at that.

As for the topic, I'm not replacing this guy. It's taken me four years to find someone with the amount of talent and ability that he has. He can play rings around most other guitarists I have known, he has an amazing ear, can instantly find and sing whatever harmony part is missing and sing it well and on key, and he has always gotten along well with everyone. I really have no clue as to why he hasn't responded to anything. I thought he was enjoying working with us; he repeatedly told us he was super happy to be in a band with decent musicians and solid three-part harmonies.

It is out of character in some ways, though he isn't that active on social media he has always responded to texts about shows and various other things. But he's also the oldest band member, and my gut says he isn't ready to start moving forward yet, which is fine, but since I've brought the subject up twice, I'd like to hear that.

It's discouraging to not have communication. And, honestly, right now, with so many other depressing things going on, not getting any sense of what we might want to do with the band stuff is just adding another load of weight to my shoulders that I feel like I'd rather shake off.

Lead singer texted me last night and asked me if I knew any other guitarists. No, nobody I want to work with. There's a very shallow talent pool in this little town and I'm thinking it might just be time for me to hang it up.
 
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#8
LBS-bass said:
Not from me. I disagree that it's overblown and have been reminding people since day one that if we do all the right things we're going to look like we overreacted to this, and that has to be OK. Seeing less disease than we feared means what we are doing is working.

So we'll just disagree on this one and leave it at that.

As for the topic, I'm not replacing this guy. It's taken me four years to find someone with the amount of talent and ability that he has. He can play rings around most other guitarists I have known, he has an amazing ear, can instantly find and sing whatever harmony part is missing and sing it well and on key, and he has always gotten along well with everyone. I really have no clue as to why he hasn't responded to anything. I thought he was enjoying working with us; he repeatedly told us he was super happy to be in a band with decent musicians and solid three-part harmonies.

It is out of character in some ways, though he isn't that active on social media he has always responded to texts about shows and various other things. But he's also the oldest band member, and my gut says he isn't ready to start moving forward yet, which is fine, but since I've brought the subject up twice, I'd like to hear that.

It's discouraging to not have communication. And, honestly, right now, with so many other depressing things going on, not getting any sense of what we might want to do with the band stuff is just adding another load of weight to my shoulders that I feel like I'd rather shake off.

Lead singer texted me last night and asked me if I knew any other guitarists. No, nobody I want to work with. There's a very shallow talent pool in this little town and I'm thinking it might just be time for me to hang it up.
Click to expand...
I guess I'll be on the look out for flying bottles and muggers. Glad to know that's going to happen before I get Covid19 and die.

I guess I can stop working from home and go hang out with everyone in FL. Sounds like the pandemic is over!

Sorry about your situation. Adults aren't very grown up these days.
 
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#10
I’m sorry, that sucks. I think we all just need to be that super extra Patient right now. My band has been hit hard by COVID, and I am having some serious problems of my own that are completely unrelated. Honestly, if I play a gig before Halloween I will be THRILLED. Don’t even think about it until you have a gig in a month, or a week. I know that goes against everything you are about, but if you have to “wing” some aspects of a gig, please remember your audience will understand. They have
likely had it rough, too. As always, we are our own worst critics, and I know you have been doing this a long time. Don’t spend the money just yet, and research ways to diy some of the simpler things you need to occupy yourself. Good luck.
 
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#11
I live in a reasonably large city. In any direction, immediately outside the city boundary Nobody wears masks and no visible precautions are taken in public and people are acting like this is over. Neighboring counties have disparate reopening rules. No politics on TB. Cases are rising again and that's not debatable. Stay safe. Stay in tune. Play loud.
 
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#13
MultiScaleMale said:
Their answers are “no” but they don’t want to be the first to say it and look like the bad guy that killed it. For example - who was the second person to walk on the moon?
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Well, the problem is that I'm not asking them for a yes or no answer. I'm asking what I can do to help them feel safe. I mentioned what I'd like to do, asked if it was enough, and if not, what can I do? The other two guys are ok with the suggested changes but it's only the one guy who doesn't respond, so I finally did say that I'm taking that silence as a no to implementing any measures and moving on. We may still implement some measures, if my husband's band wants to do it, but that's up to those guys now and I'm not going to plan for any rehearsals here myself.
 
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#14
I hate anything COVID related on TB because i live it daily at the hospital.

Will not go any further for political and TB posting reasons but there is a DISTINCT difference between someone dying from COVID and dying with COVID.

Unfortunately the stats do NOT differentiate between the two.
Not conspiracy. Fact. From someone who is on Corona email/conferences daily.
My hospital overprepared and almost...no, none of the extra beds, ventilators, field hospital beds were needed. However if we had not been prepared, things could have been much worse.

Still, keep safe, consider the risk level of people with which you hang.

I have to shower and go in for 12 hours.
COViD will be almost zero of anything i deal with today.

Your location may be different so this is my experience from one hospital, 350 beds with one of top 3 busiest ERs in a state of 4-5 million population.

Be sensible for YOUR area. New York is not Kansas and that needs to be considered.
 
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#18
LBS-bass said:
Well, the problem is that I'm not asking them for a yes or no answer. I'm asking what I can do to help them feel safe. I mentioned what I'd like to do, asked if it was enough, and if not, what can I do? The other two guys are ok with the suggested changes but it's only the one guy who doesn't respond, so I finally did say that I'm taking that silence as a no to implementing any measures and moving on. We may still implement some measures, if my husband's band wants to do it, but that's up to those guys now and I'm not going to plan for any rehearsals here myself.
Click to expand...

Oh, it sounded like you wanted an "I'm in" and committed to practice before you went ahead and bought the stuff. I'd just call them and talk to them to see what's up. Texts are really only good for simple things. Most people I know are practicing outdoors, lower volume and keeping some space.
 
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#20
this is more about respect/communication ...

if you can't bother to answer a question in a timely manner ... then, i won't bother telling you , that your services are no longer needed ..!

we all have our own family risk factors to consider when deciding how to deal with contagions ... someone else's opinion on my situation is moot ...

glad we have an Ignore button
 
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