Ashamed

[neil|lien]

I’ll accept your perception of a problem at face value, Neil: if you think you have a problem, you probably do. I’m not terribly impulsive, & I usually temper my urge to buy some shiny thing (On Sale!) by asking ‘Which goal(s) will this help me achieve?’

Try writing down what you want to do musically (example: I want to be able to play & communicate the sounds in my head, play music during the Holidays, and join a jam session), then write down what you want to do in, say the next year or 2, towards achieving those larger goals. Thoughts don’t come to you organized, so if you catch yourself dreaming about having an instrument/traveling to play at a certain venue (/wearing an outfit,…), make a Wish List & put those things there - maybe fold the list in half vertically & include on the right side of the fold what it is about those things that you find attractive. Periodically review & edit your goals. Sure, have a digital copy of your lists, but the advantage of paper & pencil is your brain has to focus on writing - & try to fold a .pdf document. You are also spending less time on a screen:

Cold turkey from social media & the internet may sound unachievable, but it’s easy to drastically reduce screen time (start with turning off your phone 1 hr before you want to go to sleep, & carry a book &/or a magazine to read while you’re in a line), & then look for ways to reach for the phone less. Keep in mind, Social Media is not free - ppl are trying to sell many things to you, every second you login. FYI, doctors have found that ‘multitasking’ is an exhausting time sink: it will take a person on average 23 minutes to regain concentration after stopping to read an 8-second message/email.

Granted, if I was 100% doing what I’m recommending, I would have never seen this thread. I also may not have bought a Squier P bass last week (I’m using it as practice for adding a pickup, grounding & shielding, swapping electronics, & a fret dress); if I didn’t take the time to write down my goals, I would have bought a Squier 7 years ago, & I wouldn’t have had the discipline to not buy a SVT amp last week for a ridiculously low $.

You may find that buying & researching things that seem somewhat important now can fall by the wayside when you compare it to your stated goals, & it probably was a convenient way to occupy time vs. doing what you know you need to be focused on. This idea can also be used to shift the guilt you’re beating yourself up with into experiences to learn from: why did you buy each instrument? What needs did you have that each instrument was able to fulfill? Why did you sell them? What did you learn from the experience? Hopefully any insights you gain from asking these kind of questions can be applied the next time you’re tempted to open your wallet.

All bets are off, & Survival Mode should kick in (the tone of your post sounds like it is, Neil) when you’re having trouble maintaining the instruments you have - let alone eating & maintaining shelter. Is music bringing in more cash € each week than is being spent on it? What’s the minimum (transportation, music, clothing,…) equipment needed to use music projects to bring in €? Is there any equipment/service needed that can Immediately (not ‘maybe down the road’, & can you borrow or rent it if you need it for a project) increase the € earned from music projects? Can more € be earned with the time being used on music (e.g., you mentioned having a guitar but not working on guitar projects)? What other ways can you earn €? Even if writing down goals doesn’t help much with impulse buying (I’m not you), creating a Survival budget & a music budget will drastically help with keeping food in the kitchen - and with maybe crossing something off of your Wish List.

I have work to do. Good luck!

That was also a great post! Thank you so much, all of you who have shared advice & perspective ! U guys are just fantastic!

That "paper&pencil list of goals" idea is a great one! I will use that!
I can't completely go offline, but i have already unsubscribed from a bunch YT channels, unfollowed IG accounts, i am committing kot to visit any of the websites i usually visit to see what they have on sale or anything. That i know i can do.

I do keep a guitar because i record my own material. Links are in my profile for those of U who are curious. I don't really need to inverst any more money for now, so that's that..

 

[neil|lien]

Hey dude,

for one like others are saying, I'm not a therapist nor should you trust any armchairs psychologist, if you could find any help or find ways to combat this please search for it! GAS, spending, investing in hobbies is an issue we all really face, many do not want to admit it. Yesterday and today I was debating on buying a Yamaha TRBX604, while I really want it, it's not going to change anything I'm not involve in any local music or scenes, I play for me for fun, and jam for fun that's all I have time for with my college classes and other hobbies anyway. I have a jazz bass and P-bass that gets my blue-ish tone I like and I have 2 pedals that can make a lot of tones, I really tried to admit the limitation breeds creative moto, it's hard though I keep telling myself I need or should get a TRBX604 since it can get all the "tones" while it's the top of my list I know I do not need it now, I know it'll always be around. FOMO - fear of missing out, is a common tactic in all business of all merchandise or hobbies. The term mostly started in Anime, Gacha games and even fashion (Don't even get me started on fashion, it's so hard and all fast-fashion even high up fashion companies make loads of money on FOMO and spamming emails to people, that's why I like ones who never change their products ever lol!) I see lots of FOMO and temptation of spending lots in my other hobbies like swimming (it's insane the gadgets they really tried to push onto people) so I can't give hardcore advice but stay strong and know you are not the only one who struggles with this. It's sadly a problem with our world today and like others said the best way to start is to start today and really tried to see to how to improve today. Sometimes writing about it helps, me writing about my Yamaha bass really help me think and read it in words in why I don't need it now nor the this moment! I struggle with overthinking, anxiety a lot, I think best thing to do is write out your feelings, the "do I need it?" question at times can help. If you can unsubscribe from any music store listings, maybe unsub on youtube all the social medias to avoid the temptation of spending or getting more gear. Anyway this is just what works best for me and I still struggle with it. Good luck and I hope you get help and you find a way to combat it. All the best!

Hello there! Thanks for sharing!
Writing things down is defenitely something i am going to do from now on every time i feel "weak"
Thanks for sharing Ur perspective!
I have spent a few minutes this afternoon unsubscribing from those newsletters, YT channels & IG profiles indeed in order to limit my FOMO!

 

[neil|lien]

I once was like you, young grasshopper. Changed my ways I did. Have 5 good basses and might never buy another. Maybe a Ric just because. I’m on to pedals now. Learned through bass GAS that quality trumps quantity every time. Buy less, buy better, play more. Don’t equate poor results on poor equipment. Get outside and off the internet. As my teacher once said, “Try not. Do, or do not.”

Did U just mix Star Wars & Karate Kid references in the same post?!?!?!

 

[neil|lien]

“Ashamed” is not useful. Pair it down to two instruments and appropriate amplification and sell everything. Put the money in the bank and start taking care of your responsibilities. Don’t look to anyone else to help you with this. Just do it and move on with your life. Usually gear is a substitute for musical substance. Put your energy into becoming a better musician and more balanced person.

Am on it!

 

[MrClassicMetal]

There’s a huge gap in your sequence of events ..
Get a good MIA second hand P-bass (preferably with a gold anodised guard and a chocolate rosewood board) and you will never have another bass to sell for many years to come …
Fill this gap and you’re done.

And it would help if he played this song on that P bass....

 

[devnulljp]

I think GAS is a symptom of depression, chasing the dopamine and seratonin hits from gratification, but it doesn't last.

 

[JimmyM]

So glad not to have the massive gearhead gene, but I had a few spells where I amassed too much. But I never felt ashamed, just overworked on keeping everything stage ready.

 

[IamGroot]

If your net cash flow is positive, you are a business man and you don't have any problems.

If you are more than a few grand in the whole, there is an issue. Let me get you some more meds.

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

I wonder if there's any kind of 12 step program for people who don't want to be like this anymore...

I am never one to neglect my twelfth step obligations.

Go [This invalid link has been removed], friend.

 

[neil|lien]

I think GAS is a symptom of depression, chasing the dopamine and seratonin hits from gratification, but it doesn't last.

Maybe depression in my case is a bit of a strong word. Maybe frustration and sadness and a unfortunate chain of events that i described up-thread...

 

[BazzaBass]

Dear Fellaz & Fellazettes,

My name is neil, i am 39y/o & i think i might have more disorders than what therapist says i have.
Over the years i have owned these basses & guitars:

Pre-hiatus:
- Cort Action Bass (first bass in 2003, sold 2007?)
- RavenWest RWG 7-Strings (sold 2011)
- Harley Benton Acoustic Fretless 5 (sold 2012)
- Washburn Taurus T25 (sold 2012)
- Rockbass Corvette 5 (sold 2012)
- Squier VM telecaster Custom (?)
- some Ibanez hollowbody guitar (?)

Post-hiatus:
- Yamaha RBX 270 FL (Sold 2015)
- Squier Vintage Modified Jazz Bass NT (traded away 2017)
- Warwick Corvette Std (Sold 2016)
- ESP-LTD B205SMFL (Sold 2017)
- Fame Baphomet 6 (Sold 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified Precision 5 with Nordstand (?) PU (sold 2018)
- Ibanez BTB1206e Prestige (Sold 2018)
- Warwick Rockbass Starbass (Sold February 2019)
- Warwick Rockbass Corvette 5 Active (Sold December 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified PJ Lake Placid Blue (Sold May 2019)
- Cort C6 Plus ZBMH OTAB (Sold June 2019)
- Ibanez SR306EB-WK (Sold July 2019)
- Ibanez TMB30 Mint Green (Sold January 2020)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision '50s Lake Placid Blue (Sold March 2020)
- Vintage V74MRJP Fretless (sold May 2020)
- Harley Benton BZ-6000, (sold June 2020),
- Harley Benton E-1335 II sunburst, (gtr, given away mid 2021)
- ESP-LTD B-206SM (sold September 2020)
- Harley Benton JB-75MN Black Vintage Series (sold October 2020)
- Ibanez AGBV205A (sold December 2020)
- Sire P7 5-string Swamp Ash 1st Gen (swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez ASV10A (gtr, swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez SR506 (traded for the fretless Fame - Baphomet IV, February 2021)
- Ibanez AS83-STE Artcore Expressionist (gtr, sold March 2021)
- RMI Quantum 6 Dominic Di Piazza Signature (sold October 2021)
- Ibanez BTB846SC-DTL (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton CST-24HB (gtr, sold January 2022)
- Fretless Fame Baphomet (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton PB-20 SBK (sold @ October 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision Bass LRL OWT (sold February 2022)
- Squier Bronco BK (Upgraded with dual rail humbucker, new pots, cap & wiring, sold April 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Mustang SFG (Labella 760F-MUS) (sold June2022)
- Harley Benton HB-35 Plus - Metallic Blue (gtr, sold August 2022)
- Harley Benton Shorty P-bass (D'Addario Nylon Tapewounds, sold August 2022)
- Sire U5 NT (sold august 2022)
- Ibanez SRMD200-BKF (with Labella 760F-MUS Flats, sold October 2022)
- Squier Mini Precision Bass (sold February 2023)
- Sire P5 Alder MLG w/ SPB-3 PU (sold February 2023)

Returned to seller cuz arrived damaged:
- Squier CV Mustang LPB w/ racing stripes (2022)
- Squier Affinity Jaguar H LPB (2022)
- Greg Bennett RLB-4 (2018)
- Sire V7 1st Gen VWH (2019)
- D'Angelico semi hollow 35" (2019)
- Sire V7 Alder 5ST-BK (2018)

And i might have forgotten some... i have managed not to ruin myself over the years & i believe that, money-wise, i've broken even. But i have wasted so much time researching basses, watching/reading reviews, taking pics of my instruments to post for sale ads... talking to buyers who didn't buy, selles that didn't sell...

And i am starting to worry.

I live in Southern Spain, earn barely enough to face bills, gas etc... i have been trying to "make it" in the local music scene, & i do get to perform & record every once in a while, so i do need decent gear although being broke is a constant in my life that is pretty limiting, obviously.

I have made a decision to stick to the gear i have now: a Harley Benton MV-4MSB (passive, short scale, P/J bass, will put flats on it when money allows it), a Harley Benton TE-90FLT (only guitar i own, pretty happy with it as is, & i don't usually offer my services as a guitarist, so only use it to record @ home through a multi-FX pedal). I will soon recieve an ESP-LTD Stream 204 that will be my only active, humbucker, 34" bass.

But...
1) i have no idea if i'll manage or what i should do to stick to that decision &
2) i still feel an enormous amount of guilt & shame when i see the list above... i feel stupid for mis-investing my time & energy in all that researching, buying & selling... most of the basses i've owned were great basses that were good at doing their job. Some of them i miss now...

Those of U who are in a similar situation, how do U handle things? And how do U cope with that feeling of shame?

Your physical health and mental health are most important.It’s not about your gear or your music it is all about you. As long as you are OK nothing else matters. If you feel you are not OK, get some professional help. I did and it made all the difference. Take care.

 

[Bar Band Bassman]

Yay! Another "Stop me before I bass again" thread. The journey to finding the right bass is not unlike dating (in fact, it's EXACTLY like dating). Some marry their first love and live happily ever after. Some date a lot before they find the right one. Some have a number of long term relationships punctuated by short term dalliances in between. Some have a main squeeze and one or many on the side (I'm a combination of the last two). As circumstances change, needs and desires may change. And then, of course, there's amps...

Seriously, though, if the predilection is compulsive purchasing and obsessive searching for the "holy grail" a 12 step approach may help. Replacing the focus to "buying gear" or "spending" makes it easy to tailor the program to your own needs. There are literally dozens of 12 step programs now, one can surely suit you.

Bets of luck. BTW, I'm a bit older than you and have cycled through maybe 3 times as many basses. Not a contest, just making the point that you're not alone. If there's a name for it (and there is: Gear Acquisition Syndrome, or "GAS") then you can be certain you're not the only one who's got it (notice it's not "Gear RETENTION Syndrome").

 

[Dlew919]

Some of the least successful people are wealthy. The universe will look after you if you let it. Work hard. Yes. But do so with humility and a generous spirit. Let go of your worries and focus on your present. The past is gone.

 

[FullumMusic]

Completely spot on!
The first paragraph is my experience too...except i only work one real job & try to earn money on the side...
U are completely right about everything.. i am staying away from review channels from now on.. because honestly i don't want to feel like there is better than what i own out there. I just need to hone my skills and that has to be enough for now!

There's ALWAYS something better than what you own, even if you get "the best thing." But, there's actually no such thing as "the best bass." So, it doesn't matter, nothing matters, life is chaos. Just make music with what you got.

 

[Dlew919]

Amen to that! I am trying to achieve.. see it as a New Year's Resolution in March and i al asking U all how U counter temptation.. how U manage to focus and not desire something other than what U already have...

I have seven guitars - all for professional use. 2 telecasters 2 acoustics 2 hollow bodies. One strat. I have two basses. A four and a five. I only buy when I see Anne’s and the purchase will make its money back in gigs and or teaching. I’ve been a professional since my twenties so I buy a new guitar every few years but only if I can justify it. Both my basses do exactly what I need them to do so while I’d live a fender jazz or a p I can’t justify it. When I can I’ll see.

 

[logdrum]

It is not so bad. You are not hoarding. Just wasted some time

 

[songwriter21]

Dear Fellaz & Fellazettes,

My name is neil, i am 39y/o & i think i might have more disorders than what therapist says i have.
Over the years i have owned these basses & guitars:

Pre-hiatus:
- Cort Action Bass (first bass in 2003, sold 2007?)
- RavenWest RWG 7-Strings (sold 2011)
- Harley Benton Acoustic Fretless 5 (sold 2012)
- Washburn Taurus T25 (sold 2012)
- Rockbass Corvette 5 (sold 2012)
- Squier VM telecaster Custom (?)
- some Ibanez hollowbody guitar (?)

Post-hiatus:
- Yamaha RBX 270 FL (Sold 2015)
- Squier Vintage Modified Jazz Bass NT (traded away 2017)
- Warwick Corvette Std (Sold 2016)
- ESP-LTD B205SMFL (Sold 2017)
- Fame Baphomet 6 (Sold 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified Precision 5 with Nordstand (?) PU (sold 2018)
- Ibanez BTB1206e Prestige (Sold 2018)
- Warwick Rockbass Starbass (Sold February 2019)
- Warwick Rockbass Corvette 5 Active (Sold December 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified PJ Lake Placid Blue (Sold May 2019)
- Cort C6 Plus ZBMH OTAB (Sold June 2019)
- Ibanez SR306EB-WK (Sold July 2019)
- Ibanez TMB30 Mint Green (Sold January 2020)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision '50s Lake Placid Blue (Sold March 2020)
- Vintage V74MRJP Fretless (sold May 2020)
- Harley Benton BZ-6000, (sold June 2020),
- Harley Benton E-1335 II sunburst, (gtr, given away mid 2021)
- ESP-LTD B-206SM (sold September 2020)
- Harley Benton JB-75MN Black Vintage Series (sold October 2020)
- Ibanez AGBV205A (sold December 2020)
- Sire P7 5-string Swamp Ash 1st Gen (swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez ASV10A (gtr, swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez SR506 (traded for the fretless Fame - Baphomet IV, February 2021)
- Ibanez AS83-STE Artcore Expressionist (gtr, sold March 2021)
- RMI Quantum 6 Dominic Di Piazza Signature (sold October 2021)
- Ibanez BTB846SC-DTL (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton CST-24HB (gtr, sold January 2022)
- Fretless Fame Baphomet (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton PB-20 SBK (sold @ October 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision Bass LRL OWT (sold February 2022)
- Squier Bronco BK (Upgraded with dual rail humbucker, new pots, cap & wiring, sold April 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Mustang SFG (Labella 760F-MUS) (sold June2022)
- Harley Benton HB-35 Plus - Metallic Blue (gtr, sold August 2022)
- Harley Benton Shorty P-bass (D'Addario Nylon Tapewounds, sold August 2022)
- Sire U5 NT (sold august 2022)
- Ibanez SRMD200-BKF (with Labella 760F-MUS Flats, sold October 2022)
- Squier Mini Precision Bass (sold February 2023)
- Sire P5 Alder MLG w/ SPB-3 PU (sold February 2023)

Returned to seller cuz arrived damaged:
- Squier CV Mustang LPB w/ racing stripes (2022)
- Squier Affinity Jaguar H LPB (2022)
- Greg Bennett RLB-4 (2018)
- Sire V7 1st Gen VWH (2019)
- D'Angelico semi hollow 35" (2019)
- Sire V7 Alder 5ST-BK (2018)

And i might have forgotten some... i have managed not to ruin myself over the years & i believe that, money-wise, i've broken even. But i have wasted so much time researching basses, watching/reading reviews, taking pics of my instruments to post for sale ads... talking to buyers who didn't buy, selles that didn't sell...

And i am starting to worry.

I live in Southern Spain, earn barely enough to face bills, gas etc... i have been trying to "make it" in the local music scene, & i do get to perform & record every once in a while, so i do need decent gear although being broke is a constant in my life that is pretty limiting, obviously.

I have made a decision to stick to the gear i have now: a Harley Benton MV-4MSB (passive, short scale, P/J bass, will put flats on it when money allows it), a Harley Benton TE-90FLT (only guitar i own, pretty happy with it as is, & i don't usually offer my services as a guitarist, so only use it to record @ home through a multi-FX pedal). I will soon recieve an ESP-LTD Stream 204 that will be my only active, humbucker, 34" bass.

But...
1) i have no idea if i'll manage or what i should do to stick to that decision &
2) i still feel an enormous amount of guilt & shame when i see the list above... i feel stupid for mis-investing my time & energy in all that researching, buying & selling... most of the basses i've owned were great basses that were good at doing their job. Some of them i miss now...

Those of U who are in a similar situation, how do U handle things? And how do U cope with that feeling of shame?

I stopped after I got tired of worrying about interest rates on credit cards, as well as not having money to go out and enjoy life outside of music. There will always be good deals, and it's an asset to get your gear set up and maintained well. Learn to be a nerd and appreciate the knowledge to know when you can stop with the gear you have. Any more gear is just a collection. Lastly, paying down debt, instead of adding to it, is sooooooo nice.

 

[Spectre Gunner]

“The less you want, the more you have.”

 

[retslock]

What were you looking for? Were you searching for ‘the one’ or was it just a thrill to hit the buy button? Do you even understand why you bought and then sold so many basses?
Knowing why is of considerable benefit in losing a bad behaviour pattern. From that self knowledge you can plan a strategy and move in the right direction. Self examination is vital for growth. You’ve got bad behaviour pattern. Sure, but WHY?

 

[Wesley R]

Np shame or guilt needed. If people (family, wife, kids) have suffered, then it is lesson learned.

Play, have fun, make some coin if you can.