Ashamed

[swink]

I see many people here are already conjuring up disorders and abbreviations.
In the words of my former Psych. " There is nothing wrong with you, you just need some help to find the right focus."
I don't believe that you are the only one in these times, struggling to pay your bills, but the fact that you are still straight, have no debts and are looking for solutions tells me that you are a survivor....
YOU WILL GET THERE, but talking to a therapist is never a bad idea.

 

[Jogobass]

I too have more issues than my therapist gave me labels for. Impulsivity I'm familiar with. Over my lifetime I have had many moments of unwise cash spending. I got help getting my finances in order and getting rid of debt. I save a little every month, which over time added up to enough money to get the signature instrument of my favorite bassist. That really stopped the GAS. It helped that over the years I did research into what I want my sound to be and this one bass delivers that. Still some savings left so I can buy new strings when needed. I would recommend to anyone to get out of that paycheck to paycheck mentality. If you have some money left over at the end of the month, put part of that away. Future you will thank you.

 

[Alexis Duntov]

I wonder if there's any kind of 12 step program for people who don't want to be like this anymore...

Debtors Anonymous might be something to check out. There are probably Zoom meetings still happening. It’s not just for people who are technically in debt, but for people who have a problematic relationship with money and who “under earn”. I’ve heard it described as graduate level AA.

 

[Bass4ThePublic]

Music is a trade. If more people treated it as such we would be better off. Making it is paying your bills and being satisfied with your self and your life. But again, music is a trade.

Ok if it is people don’t need musicians like they need plumbers welders and electricians. Learn a better paying trade

 

[Treblefree]

Dear Fellaz & Fellazettes,

My name is neil, i am 39y/o & i think i might have more disorders than what therapist says i have.
Over the years i have owned these basses & guitars:

Pre-hiatus:
- Cort Action Bass (first bass in 2003, sold 2007?)
- RavenWest RWG 7-Strings (sold 2011)
- Harley Benton Acoustic Fretless 5 (sold 2012)
- Washburn Taurus T25 (sold 2012)
- Rockbass Corvette 5 (sold 2012)
- Squier VM telecaster Custom (?)
- some Ibanez hollowbody guitar (?)

Post-hiatus:
- Yamaha RBX 270 FL (Sold 2015)
- Squier Vintage Modified Jazz Bass NT (traded away 2017)
- Warwick Corvette Std (Sold 2016)
- ESP-LTD B205SMFL (Sold 2017)
- Fame Baphomet 6 (Sold 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified Precision 5 with Nordstand (?) PU (sold 2018)
- Ibanez BTB1206e Prestige (Sold 2018)
- Warwick Rockbass Starbass (Sold February 2019)
- Warwick Rockbass Corvette 5 Active (Sold December 2018)
- Squier Vintage Modified PJ Lake Placid Blue (Sold May 2019)
- Cort C6 Plus ZBMH OTAB (Sold June 2019)
- Ibanez SR306EB-WK (Sold July 2019)
- Ibanez TMB30 Mint Green (Sold January 2020)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision '50s Lake Placid Blue (Sold March 2020)
- Vintage V74MRJP Fretless (sold May 2020)
- Harley Benton BZ-6000, (sold June 2020),
- Harley Benton E-1335 II sunburst, (gtr, given away mid 2021)
- ESP-LTD B-206SM (sold September 2020)
- Harley Benton JB-75MN Black Vintage Series (sold October 2020)
- Ibanez AGBV205A (sold December 2020)
- Sire P7 5-string Swamp Ash 1st Gen (swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez ASV10A (gtr, swapped for BTB846SC, December 2020)
- Ibanez SR506 (traded for the fretless Fame - Baphomet IV, February 2021)
- Ibanez AS83-STE Artcore Expressionist (gtr, sold March 2021)
- RMI Quantum 6 Dominic Di Piazza Signature (sold October 2021)
- Ibanez BTB846SC-DTL (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton CST-24HB (gtr, sold January 2022)
- Fretless Fame Baphomet (sold January 2022)
- Harley Benton PB-20 SBK (sold @ October 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Precision Bass LRL OWT (sold February 2022)
- Squier Bronco BK (Upgraded with dual rail humbucker, new pots, cap & wiring, sold April 2022)
- Squier Classic Vibe Mustang SFG (Labella 760F-MUS) (sold June2022)
- Harley Benton HB-35 Plus - Metallic Blue (gtr, sold August 2022)
- Harley Benton Shorty P-bass (D'Addario Nylon Tapewounds, sold August 2022)
- Sire U5 NT (sold august 2022)
- Ibanez SRMD200-BKF (with Labella 760F-MUS Flats, sold October 2022)
- Squier Mini Precision Bass (sold February 2023)
- Sire P5 Alder MLG w/ SPB-3 PU (sold February 2023)

Returned to seller cuz arrived damaged:
- Squier CV Mustang LPB w/ racing stripes (2022)
- Squier Affinity Jaguar H LPB (2022)
- Greg Bennett RLB-4 (2018)
- Sire V7 1st Gen VWH (2019)
- D'Angelico semi hollow 35" (2019)
- Sire V7 Alder 5ST-BK (2018)

And i might have forgotten some... i have managed not to ruin myself over the years & i believe that, money-wise, i've broken even. But i have wasted so much time researching basses, watching/reading reviews, taking pics of my instruments to post for sale ads... talking to buyers who didn't buy, selles that didn't sell...

And i am starting to worry.

I live in Southern Spain, earn barely enough to face bills, gas etc... i have been trying to "make it" in the local music scene, & i do get to perform & record every once in a while, so i do need decent gear although being broke is a constant in my life that is pretty limiting, obviously.

I have made a decision to stick to the gear i have now: a Harley Benton MV-4MSB (passive, short scale, P/J bass, will put flats on it when money allows it), a Harley Benton TE-90FLT (only guitar i own, pretty happy with it as is, & i don't usually offer my services as a guitarist, so only use it to record @ home through a multi-FX pedal). I will soon recieve an ESP-LTD Stream 204 that will be my only active, humbucker, 34" bass.

But...
1) i have no idea if i'll manage or what i should do to stick to that decision &
2) i still feel an enormous amount of guilt & shame when i see the list above... i feel stupid for mis-investing my time & energy in all that researching, buying & selling... most of the basses i've owned were great basses that were good at doing their job. Some of them i miss now...

Those of U who are in a similar situation, how do U handle things? And how do U cope with that feeling of shame?

My advice? Get married.

Right now, you may really be struggling with an impulsive addiction. I don't have great advice other than when it hits, try to think hard about whether it is a need or a desire and how it fits into your financial and time plan.

If you can beat it once and not make the buy, then the next time it may be easier, and so on. Set a limit on yourself. I won't buy or sell one for a minimum of 6 months, no matter how hard the desire. Then do one. Then decide another 6 months or 9 months. Maybe in that time you'll start to realize that any of them can make you happy and you will be content.

Much joy in life comes when you are content. Many happy people realize they don't need everything and they really appreciate what they have. I'm preaching to myself here too. Being grateful is underrated and may take practice for some.

 

[buldog5151bass]

Music is a trade. If more people treated it as such we would be better off. Making it is paying your bills and being satisfied with your self and your life. But again, music is a trade.

If it YOUR trade (and is legitimately paying yours bills). House painting is a trade, and I painted my house last year, but that doesn't make it MY trade. I would bet less than 1% of the people here could call it their trade.

 

[LowActionHero]

If you've broken even then all you've wasted is time, and if you've enjoyed and/or learned from these instruments then you haven't wasted time either!


And if you have wasted either, learn from it and move forward.

 

[Jason Sypher]

If it YOUR trade (and is legitimately paying yours bills). House painting is a trade, and I painted my house last year, but that doesn't make it MY trade. I would bet less than 1% of the people here could call it their trade.

I hear you but I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Or maybe you’re missing my point. My meaning is: don’t treat music like it’s the lottery, something to win, a chance thing, “making it”. Treat it as a trade, a set of skills you hone over time with careful application until you can master it. That is exactly how I’ve always approached it. I get up in the morning, get my coffee, and get to work. I don’t fantasize about gear or collect instruments. I pick up where I left off yesterday, correcting my mistakes and pushing my knowledge forward. I say the quicker you remove the fantasy of being a professional musician, the better. Also, seeing it as a trade gives you a sense of the importance of music in the world and a humble foundation and sense of working for the community (something that only exists in small pockets of culture). And yes, it IS my trade. I’ve been at it for many years and I’ll get on the bass as soon as I finish this post and get to work making myself a better musician and member of the community of musicians. People say being a musician is not like being a plumber but when was the last time you spent more than a few hours hearing music? It is vital to our existence IMHO. The OP has GAS. We’ve all had it. But a shift in perception about what it means to be a musician might help him get his priorities straight.

 

[neil|lien]

Ok sorry for missunderstanding your situation.

But then it's great, you've done 90% of the work.

Think of it that way:
- These 2 instruments are the result of a long selection,
- Either you're happy with them, and this should end your quest.
- Or you're not 100% happy with them, and you should stop buying guitars online anyway, because it would prove that this selection process is inefficient.

Yes indeed!! See?? That's why i ask questions on this forum!
So yes i am pretty happy with these two & the palette they offer on their own but also coupled with my NUX MG-300 for the guitar & the BOSS GT-1B for the bass. Maybe further down the line i would like to mod the pots on the Mustang as there is no PU selector. Only a master volume and master tone and U can't solo the PUs...
Other than that i feel at home playing them and they sound fantastic despite being cheaper instruments...

 

[neil|lien]

As others mentioned, impulse-control disorder and compulsive buying disorder are real things. I think it is important you recognize you have a problem and you have to develop strategies to deal with it. In this regard, professional help is most likely needed.
You don't have to fix everything in one day, but take baby steps and things will be way better. Just remember we all have problems, we all feel terrible at times. But things usually really suck before they get good. So, keep going, do the right thing, and trust life

Will do, thank U!

 

[neil|lien]

Buying and selling 40 basses over a couple of years sounds burdensome to me. I’ve wrestled with all sorts of unhealthy behaviors and relationships with people and things. Little obsessions, big obsessions. It sounds like you have had a rough patch lately. But it also sounds like you are heeding your gut instincts by questioning the motivation behind all this buying and selling. You’d probably save yourself a lot of time and money and energy if you switched to yoga or jogging.

Haha yeah i used to do a lot of TaeKwonDo but Covid happened & i never got round to starting again. I guess the time has come!!

 

[neil|lien]

Mate I am with you on all of this but the major underlying issue that seems common here is shame. I face this stuff hugely within my life but I also understand why and I feel it helps to manage it better. There is so much positive things to come from having music as a pastime that it is so cruel that we find these ways to sabotage the positivity. That is part of what makes things so difficult with things like this. Reframing and recognizing triggers are big for me and putting in rules like sleeping on any purchases and selling something before buying something else helps. I dont know if this is a helpful statement but one thing I truly do believe is that everyone in this world has coping mechanisms that can be unbalanced at times. Every one. Drugs, sex, internet, shopping, gaming, food, alchohol, partying, work, cars. Everyone has something that we use to cope and disassociate from the tough things in our world. Recognising and being grateful for the things we do have is another very powerful tool to help us to work to use things things for enrichment especially as something as useful as music gear.


I wish you all the best I dont have all the answers and struggle with all of this daily and more but struggle on we must and try and find and celebrate those times of joy and look for them as much as we can!

Some great advice in this article and many many others like it online!
The Cycle of Shame and Self-Destructive Behavior: How to Break It

Yes indeed! I agree with all of that. I do believe it is indeed a coping mechanism that has its triggers. I have opened Ur article and will read it as soon as i finish work. It's almost time for me to start here.. thanks for taking the time to share.. much appreciated!

 

[neil|lien]

I agree with a lot of the others here: spend less time online and looking at, searching for and reading about gear. I spend a fair amount of time on TalkBass and looking at music related things I find it relaxing and I enjoy it. But I know that if I channeled that time into practicing and playing I would be a much better player. Don't get me wrong, I have learned about and discovered a lot of nice equipment that I would have otherwise not known about if I wasn't on here.

I find I am most productive when I am busy. Either learning and transcribing new songs and/or preparing for gigs. Then there is no time to waste looking for stuff; I just have to learn stuff!

Find a couple of basses that are reliable and you can be happy with and then concentrate on music.

Yes indeed. U seem to have a healthy relationship with Ur research/time spent online. If balanced well, there is no issue there. The reason why i posted here was because in my case it was turning into something negative. I am glad all the TBers in this thread have spoken up & shared advice on the "how to" and also about how i should try & see things differently. After all, it's been a journey full of lessons.. thank you!!

 

[neil|lien]

Hmmmm…
In a way, it’s no big deal buy stuff, collect stuff, sell stuff, why not? That said……
No good going broke over it.
Could be a waste of time, instead of working on something more worthwhile.

I really don’t like the way humanity is using up the world creating trash heaps of junk, but basses usually don’t end up in the trash. Mostly.

True!
I am not going broke over gear though. I am broke & not being able to afford shiny new objects of mass creation keeps me on an unhappy quest for something better than what i already habe. Which is a stupid belief of mine because i could have stopped buying and selling in 2018 & would have been in a position to make great music with what i had then!
But i love what i have now, it all ends well...

 

[neil|lien]

I see many people here are already conjuring up disorders and abbreviations.
In the words of my former Psych. " There is nothing wrong with you, you just need some help to find the right focus."
I don't believe that you are the only one in these times, struggling to pay your bills, but the fact that you are still straight, have no debts and are looking for solutions tells me that you are a survivor....
YOU WILL GET THERE, but talking to a therapist is never a bad idea.

Haha yeah and i did find plenty of help in these pages, that i am grateful for!

 

[neil|lien]

I too have more issues than my therapist gave me labels for. Impulsivity I'm familiar with. Over my lifetime I have had many moments of unwise cash spending. I got help getting my finances in order and getting rid of debt. I save a little every month, which over time added up to enough money to get the signature instrument of my favorite bassist. That really stopped the GAS. It helped that over the years I did research into what I want my sound to be and this one bass delivers that. Still some savings left so I can buy new strings when needed. I would recommend to anyone to get out of that paycheck to paycheck mentality. If you have some money left over at the end of the month, put part of that away. Future you will thank you.

Yes.. i am looking for a job that will allow me to save up too..

 

[neil|lien]

Debtors Anonymous might be something to check out. There are probably Zoom meetings still happening. It’s not just for people who are technically in debt, but for people who have a problematic relationship with money and who “under earn”. I’ve heard it described as graduate level AA.

Haha if all of what's been mentioned earlier doesn't work, i'll turn to that! Thanks! Didn't even know they existed!

 

[neil|lien]

My advice? Get married.

Right now, you may really be struggling with an impulsive addiction. I don't have great advice other than when it hits, try to think hard about whether it is a need or a desire and how it fits into your financial and time plan.

If you can beat it once and not make the buy, then the next time it may be easier, and so on. Set a limit on yourself. I won't buy or sell one for a minimum of 6 months, no matter how hard the desire. Then do one. Then decide another 6 months or 9 months. Maybe in that time you'll start to realize that any of them can make you happy and you will be content.

Much joy in life comes when you are content. Many happy people realize they don't need everything and they really appreciate what they have. I'm preaching to myself here too. Being grateful is underrated and may take practice for some.

Married? To whom? Hehe
Yes, the rest of Ur post is spot on. We are in March 2023. I'll try not to buy anything bass related this year except for a set of flats & maybe change the pots on the mustang to stacked V/T - V/T...

 

[neil|lien]

I hear you but I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Or maybe you’re missing my point. My meaning is: don’t treat music like it’s the lottery, something to win, a chance thing, “making it”. Treat it as a trade, a set of skills you hone over time with careful application until you can master it. That is exactly how I’ve always approached it. I get up in the morning, get my coffee, and get to work. I don’t fantasize about gear or collect instruments. I pick up where I left off yesterday, correcting my mistakes and pushing my knowledge forward. I say the quicker you remove the fantasy of being a professional musician, the better. Also, seeing it as a trade gives you a sense of the importance of music in the world and a humble foundation and sense of working for the community (something that only exists in small pockets of culture). And yes, it IS my trade. I’ve been at it for many years and I’ll get on the bass as soon as I finish this post and get to work making myself a better musician and member of the community of musicians. People say being a musician is not like being a plumber but when was the last time you spent more than a few hours hearing music? It is vital to our existence IMHO. The OP has GAS. We’ve all had it. But a shift in perception about what it means to be a musician might help him get his priorities straight.

Yes, all of that is very true.
The gigs i have this month, or that one oportunity i had to become a pro, the music wasn't interesting to me, nor was it really technically challenging. But i treated it like a job, learned the tunes, the changes, the breaks, nuances.. in order to get paid.
The music that i do for the sake of "art" is what i release on bandcamp or soundcloud or youtube. It would be awesome to live off that, but i stopped dreaming a while ago lol...

 

[Jason Sypher]

Yes, all of that is very true.
The gigs i have this month, or that one oportunity i had to become a pro, the music wasn't interesting to me, nor was it really technically challenging. But i treated it like a job, learned the tunes, the changes, the breaks, nuances.. in order to get paid.
The music that i do for the sake of "art" is what i release on bandcamp or soundcloud or youtube. It would be awesome to live off that, but i stopped dreaming a while ago lol...

As bass players I think you have to practice learning to inhabit any song thrown at you. Off the stand I may complain about how stupid a song is but once I’m engaged onstage every song becomes my favorite song in the world or, at a minimum, a puzzle I must find the best solution for. That mindset comes from practice.