Babies and Bands

[Odinbass]

Hey guys.
I've got an 8 month old daughter at home. She's great but as you'd expect being a parent has really squashed my hobby time. It is only by my wife's good graces that I've been able to continue on with my cover band. We gig 2-3x a month and practice about as much.

While not an overly demanding band by any standard, it is enough of a job that it eats ALL of my limited fun time. Thus it's the only thing I get to do. That's been tough for me. In the past I've always had secondary music projects and had a multitude of other hobbies.

So I got to thinking, what if I dropped the cover band?

It would certainly open up my time. I could just do casual original/recording projects as my music gig and see about dipping back into my other hobbies as well. It would be nice to have some variety again.

However, I've also been gigging consistently for 10+ years. It would be hard to suddenly not have a gig coming up. I'd feel incomplete! One of my biggest fears is becoming a bedroom musician whose endeavors never see the light of day. No offense to anyone but I've always found those people disconnected from reality.

I'd love to hear from anyone who had kids and how you adapted your music career as a result! If you dialed it down to a casual thing, how did that work out? Was it like quitting heroin??

 

[morgansterne]

I scaled things way back when my kids were little. I wrote and recorded a smooth jazz/electronica album in my spare time (in my own home "studio.") No bands, no gigs. I started back up (with original bands) when my youngest turned 3 (oldest would have been 7) or so and honestly I think my wife still resents it. It was a lot of work for her.
Then I took the brunt of child care, laundry, and dishes while she completed her masters' degree. I've definitely paid her back for those years. You should expect that you may have to do the same in some way.
Being in a cover band is fun but you will never get back time you didn't spend with your kid(s).

 

[buldog5151bass]

Kids = priorities.

Have a talk with your wife, and figure out how much free time you really have without abandoning her - that's step one. Then you decide what you can fit into that time.

I had to quit other hobbies to make time for the music.

 

[hrodbert696]

I only got into music after my kids had grown and gotten a bit independent. I don't know how I would have done it when they were babies. Make sure you give your wife lots of attention and help when you're home. I found mine especially needs me to anticipate what needs doing rather than waiting on her to ask. Just stuff like getting the dishes washed or laundry done, at first in our marriage I just waited for her to ask for help, later I learned that I should take the lead and just do whatever needed doing as I saw it. Maybe I was just an idiot that way. Even recently, though we have a couple off to college and the others pretty independent, I had to cut back on music projects when it became apparent that I was not going to have any time home with family this semester.

I think basically you need to set your musical priorities. It's great that your wife is supportive of letting you continue, but you probably can't do all of what you used to for now. You'll be able to get back to stuff in a few years as the kids get older and more independent. The question is which would you miss more - gigging covers or writing originals? I would vote to keep gigging if you can, because a band will lose momentum and need to start over after a few years out of the gigging scene, but you can chip at originals at home without losing much. But if your heart is really in your originals more than cover gigs, focus on that.

 

[powmetalbassist]

My son is two and we have another one on the way. I have had to do the same thing as mentioned above, and drop a bunch of hobbies I had to make time for life. Instead of having 3-5 hobbies on the go I have 1 weekly hobby and music is currently on hiatus (due to lack of time, but alson lack of other musicians around here.) My wife is pretty understanding, but even when my kids get older the days of touring, weekend warrior musician and other hobbies sprinkled through out are over.

 

[Marial]

Hey guys.
I've got an 8 month old daughter at home. She's great but as you'd expect being a parent has really squashed my hobby time. It is only by my wife's good graces that I've been able to continue on with my cover band. We gig 2-3x a month and practice about as much.
While not an overly demanding band by any standard, it is enough of a job that it eats ALL of my limited fun time. Thus it's the only thing I get to do. That's been tough for me. In the past I've always had secondary music projects and had a multitude of other hobbies.
So I got to thinking, what if I dropped the cover band?
It would certainly open up my time. I could just do casual original/recording projects as my music gig and see about dipping back into my other hobbies as well. It would be nice to have some variety again.
However, I've also been gigging consistently for 10+ years. It would be hard to suddenly not have a gig coming up. I'd feel incomplete! One of my biggest fears is becoming a bedroom musician whose endeavors never see the light of day. No offense to anyone but I've always found those people disconnected from reality.
I'd love to hear from anyone who had kids and how you adapted your music career as a result! If you dialed it down to a casual thing, how did that work out? Was it like quitting heroin??

My son is coming up on 19 months. I actually dropped out of the band I was in while my wife was pregnant. I'd been gigging and recording with originals bands for years outside of day jobs and I was a little fearful of the change at first, but two things helped: the band I was in was no longer fun and I had a lot of issues with the band leader, and the atmosphere (very liquid: i.e. alcohol soaked) in the band and the scene wasn't healthy for me. I'd always wanted to put out my own music so that's what I've been concentrating on ever since. I'm loosely involved with another project, but it takes very little of my time. Truth is, I don't miss the club/bar scene at all. I'm much happier spending time with my son and working on my music as time permits. One thing to keep in mind, you're just getting to where the parent thing becomes a lot more fun. When they become mobile, start talking, and really start to develop their own personalities it's a whole new world. Bottom line for me was putting family first, it just so happened that everything else made it easier to do so.

 

[rufus.K]

My youngest is 2 and oldest is 4.5. I've maintained a once a week rehearsal. She is entitled to a night herself while I'm with the kids.
Sometimes there are gigs, recording sessions, and such. It's my sanity, and my wife supports it.
She is (was) a world class percussionist, and she has stopped playing mostly

 

[Jazz Ad]

These young years are precious and go very, very fast. Enjoy them as must as you can.
You can still play music in 20 years when they're gone.

 

[Son of Wobble]

I stashed my kids here and it worked out great. YMMV

 

[Spent]

My former band sounds like yours, about 3 gigs per month, sometimes more. It wasn't when my kids were small that the urge to quit hit me, it was as they got older. My oldest turned 12 in August and that's when he started to express that he didn't like me being absent Friday and/or Saturday night most weekends. My 7 year old seemed pretty much oblivious. When they are very young, one day is pretty much the same as the next. As they get older they see the big picture. I wouldn't give it up yet, but know that your days are probably number. It may be bigger number than you think. One unseen side effect of quitting is that I don't have my creative outlet. While I do enjoy jamming with my original project and recording in my basement, it's not the same as playing live.

 

[Dogbertday]

I have a 2 year old. Suprise baby. Music is a large part of my income so not playing isn't an option, though my additude towards it has changed. I've raised my standards for the gigs I take (less travel, more pay, more fulfilment). I do more original work, and since he can walk and sleeps less I JUST have been able to carve out a practice space. I want my son to have a happy dad that he can be proud of. I would never quit music/gigging for him because if he didn't know me as a musician, he would never know me. My gf also quit her job she wasn't proud of (loan store industr) for the same reasons.

As a result of these changes my gigs have gotten better, I make more money, and I'm even home a little more. This kid makes me want to be a better me.

Don't know if this helps but it's my experience.

 

[ThudThudThud]

I think it's down to you. Not your wife. Not your baby. I mean this in the most supportive way.
You've been gigging consistently for 10+ years. It's what you do.
Did you and your wife agree that it would stop once you had a child? Of course you didn't.
So you cannot be expected to stop it now you have a child. That's not being fair.
Did your wife know that you were gigging consistently for 10+ years, or is this a complete surprise to her? I'm being a little facetious there, but honestly if your cover gig continues 'by your wife's good graces' then this is something you need to talk to her about.

Your baby doesn't know the difference. Your baby girl loves you either way. Just tell her you love her every opportunity you get.

You, on the other hand, might want to spend more time with your baby. In that case, you need to do the thinking.

Keep the gig. Perhaps cut a couple of the rehearsals (if you've all been at it this long, adding a new song could be done quickly and efficiently). Get a home recording rig (can be done for very little money if you're clever about it and avoid the snobbery) to cover your creative side when your baby is asleep.

Playing is what you do. Those who love you should know that side of you.

 

[baceface]

Keep going! Between all 4 of my band members, we have like 12 kids combined and 1 grand kid, lol.

Our drummer just recently had a baby which has brought a bit of a slow time for us but its around the holidays anyway. I think we do pretty well at managing everything tho and still having fun so that's what matters.

 

[bigboy_78]

Keep gigging. Cut back on rehearsing if it is more than once every few weeks.

When you get home at 3am after a gig the baby will be ready for a feed and you’ll already be awake.

When my kids where toddlers they wouldn’t go to bed without a goodnight from Dad, so I stayed home and put them to bed. You can gig until you die and its pretty much the same as its always been. You only have little kids once.

You play bass. As soon as you want/need a gig, there’ll be one waiting for you. Whatever you do, don’t even consider selling your rig. Once you have kids, “wasting” money on new gear is out.

 

[samson3382]

During the week, I'm a stay at home dad of a 5 year old,(in kindergarten) 3 year old, and 8 month old. (Holding him in one hand and iPod in the other) My wife works in the medical field.
I play in one cover band, who's members all live nearby, rarely rehearse, and gig anywhere from a few times a month to every six weeks or so.
The other is an original band, similar schedule, more rehearsals, and 20 miles away.
I also do sound, lessons, and some studio work.
I also run a small part time business from home in what's left of my spare time.
I'm overwhelmed to say the least, but I created this situation myself, & I'm convinced I thrive on the stress and chaos. Income from all of this critical.

As everyone tells me, I'm sure I'll be thankful for the time I get with them, but I've never had the chance to miss my kids. I look forward to my youngest turning five, but then I'm sure I'll miss the younger days.
Longest I've ever been away was 3 nights, once, on "tour" lol. I used to work out of town for a week or two at a time before kids, but that job no longer exists.
I need a beer.

 

[Michedelic]

Oh...I though this was about lead guitarists and lead singers...my bad.

 

[BassFishingInAmerica]

I gave up playing out when I had kids.

Now, my two sons play piano and drums. Just starting to jam with them on bass.

 

[OOD]

Hey guys.
I've got an 8 month old daughter at home. She's great but as you'd expect being a parent has really squashed my hobby time. It is only by my wife's good graces that I've been able to continue on with my cover band. We gig 2-3x a month and practice about as much.

While not an overly demanding band by any standard, it is enough of a job that it eats ALL of my limited fun time. Thus it's the only thing I get to do. That's been tough for me. In the past I've always had secondary music projects and had a multitude of other hobbies.

So I got to thinking, what if I dropped the cover band?

It would certainly open up my time. I could just do casual original/recording projects as my music gig and see about dipping back into my other hobbies as well. It would be nice to have some variety again.

However, I've also been gigging consistently for 10+ years. It would be hard to suddenly not have a gig coming up. I'd feel incomplete! One of my biggest fears is becoming a bedroom musician whose endeavors never see the light of day. No offense to anyone but I've always found those people disconnected from reality.

I'd love to hear from anyone who had kids and how you adapted your music career as a result! If you dialed it down to a casual thing, how did that work out? Was it like quitting heroin??

When my kid was born, I quit my music and even quit my job. After we got a good schedule down, I slowly started adding music back into my life. Nothing like before though. You're never gonna make it big, so spend as much time with your family as you can without losing your mind.

 

[hintz]

Oh...I though this was about lead guitarists and lead singers...my bad.

. That was my 1st thought as well LOL

 

[Brio]

:/ thought it said babes...

Joking aside, if this is your first kid embrace all that comes along with that early stage of parenthood. Music will always be there, these important and formative first months are a one-time gig.

I've always found that hobbies ebb and flow based on what's going on in your life. If you love music, performance, recording or otherwise, it'll come back.