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Band Drama, Your Thoughts Please

#41
ChrisB2 said:
I think I'm going to propose we dissolve the band Saturday night, tell him we can't work with him anymore and that we're moving on without him. Straight up, no if ands or buts.

What say you?
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This is definitely the cleanest way to handle the problem and it sounds like continuing through the spring might result in gigs that aren't enjoyable/uncomfortable vibes for possibly all 3 of you. I'm guessing this isn't what you're in it for.

If you explain to the bookers/owners why you had to cancel, and if you field a great band a few months down the road, it's unlikely that you won't be able to rebuild your gigging schedule. Good bands will work and as has been said, everyone will appreciate the fact that people associated with the band aren't hollering and throwing chairs.
 
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#45
ChrisB2 said:
After seeing @rtslinger post and realizing there's no way to fix this, I think I'm going to propose we dissolve the band Saturday night, tell him we can't work with him anymore and that we're moving on without him. Straight up, no if ands or buts.

What say you?
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Is M1 aware of how disruptive the situation has become? How shocked would he really be to find out that his run had come to an end? If my crowd kept showing up to cause problems, I'd probably anticipate a pink slip to appear at some point.
 
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#46
I've got drama in one of my two bands. Maybe that's why I'm involved in more than one project. If one fails I still have something going on. Hard to find good bands in my area.

I can't stand the stupid stuff that goes on. Got enough of that at work. Music is my outlet and I'm not getting rich from it. If it stops being fun I'm out.
 
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#47
EatS1stBassist said:
Have all the members 2 3 and 4 quit the band one at a time drawing the dissolution of the band out over a period of time. Tell him no one is interested in the project anymore wait a while then reform. Wait long enough for him and his family to become disinterested. Get new gigs.
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..and while you are at it, the three of you might as well pull up stakes and move to another state... :)
 
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#48
Since you're older, seems like drugs, alcohol, abuse, or all three involved regarding Member#1.

Fear of someone's rage is a huge concern. Sound's like gang violence.

I suggest quitting and forming another group. Cancel all ties. If you take the gigs on the books, he and his family members will try to ruin them. Maybe pay M1 a booking fee.

Talk to a lawyer about restraining orders before you quit.

Run, Forrest, Run!

IMO, no way to save this situation because you can't change people.
 
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#49
dreamadream99 said:
With threat of violence looming from instable family, the usual "be up front with him and talk it out" is out the door. The key here is to get rid of him without firing him. My best idea is have one of you say "sorry guys, but I have to quit," then the rest chime in and say "well if you're out, I'm out" leaving only M1.

After about a 6 week waiting period, reteam with everyone else, and find a new M1.
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+1

I normally admire and use the "fair warning" approach, but volatile people are where I sometimes make the exception. Being up-front with the good old boy intervention is only going to expose yourself to his hostilities in this situation. Why subject yourself to that over a foregone conclusion?

If the three unified members can collectively wiggle out of the situation and avoid the impression of a firing (and good luck with that, he's going to figure it out probably sooner than later), more power to you. It would be a very generous gesture on your part. I'm guessing that someone somewhere along the line (10-12 years?) has already communicated how inappropriate and counter-productive some of his and his family's behavior is, so it shouldn't be a shocker to him.

Sometimes, you just gotta nip it. Whether it comes like a guillotine or with a bow on it, that's up to you.
 
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#50
The quitting and then three of you reforming later really isn't going to fool anyone, and given that a couple of you have been playing with this guy for a decade I'd say you should probably just address this head on.

I don't really think there is an answer that will allow you to both keep all the gigs, and treat M1 with the respect he probably feels he is owed after all these years.

Maybe you can approach him and say that after the current bookings you are going to have to make a change. He may leave right away (endangering a couple of the gigs, but solving the long term problem), he might say he will make changes (he won't, but meanwhile you keep the gigs and kick the can down the road a bit and fulfilling current obligations), or he might agree that it's time for a change but agree to stay on for a few more gigs while you get someone up to speed. At least if you put it in his court, he can't complain about the path he chooses from that point.
 
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#55
ChrisB2 said:
Thank you to everyone for your replies.

Had a text exchange and M2 and M4 are on board with a talk although M2 got a little indignant, and revealed some things I didn't know that makes it unreasonable for him to give M1 another chance.

We also had the idea of one or all of us quitting and reforming. Problem is, we have a solid calendar of gigs this spring, every weekend, and none of us want to cancel. M4 already has auditions lined up for next week and knows a couple possible pros to step in so we don't have to cancel, but it leaves no time for a drawn out process.

To reply to a few posts:



Rowdy people who overindulge and act foolish. Nothing too violent, but alcohol-fueled craziness sometimes gets out of hand. It's a fairly effed up family.



This was M2 & 4's original idea, only not quitting, just quietly replacing M1 and making a new band name.



Thank you, I'll update this thread when something happens. The plan right now is band meeting after tomorrow night's gig.



Good point, and something I would like to see as well. I told the others that if something blows up tomorrow night (highly likely, birthday party for one of the crazies at the bar we're playing), that would force the conversation and make it look spontaneous. I'm ready to quit and so are the others, might be the way it goes down.

Thanks again.
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"ARE WE NOT MEN"
ChrisB2 said:
After seeing @rtslinger post and realizing there's no way to fix this, I think I'm going to propose we dissolve the band Saturday night, tell him we can't work with him anymore and that we're moving on without him. Straight up, no if ands or buts.

What say you?
Click to expand...
STRAIGHT AND TO THE POINT!! :thumbsup:
 
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#56
ChrisB2 said:
After seeing @rtslinger post and realizing there's no way to fix this, I think I'm going to propose we dissolve the band Saturday night, tell him we can't work with him anymore and that we're moving on without him. Straight up, no if ands or buts.

What say you?
Click to expand...

If Fleetwood Mac can fire Lindsey Buckingham, you can fire member #1, take the gigs, and ask if he wants to keep the band name or if you can use it.

They fired Lindsey freaking Buckingham. Your guy is just Member #1.
 
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#59
morgansterne said:
If Fleetwood Mac can fire Lindsey Buckingham, you can fire member #1, take the gigs, and ask if he wants to keep the band name or if you can use it.

They fired Lindsey freaking Buckingham. Your guy is just Member #1.
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Lindsey Buckingham was not member #1 or even member #2 of Fleetwood Mac. Not even member 3...
 
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