Band Drama, Your Thoughts Please

[foolforthecity]

A hard situation to deal with and I'm afraid none of us outside your personal situation know enough of the big picture to do more than offer tidbits of advice.

I do have experience with families that come on like a hurricane at gigs, and all I can say is expect the unexpected, keep your head on a swivel, and do your best to keep the come to Jesus moment as low-key as possible.

 

[JRA]

if you were to be honest with everyone in the band = you would have the opportunity for newer/better. the down side is: you'd have to be honest! good luck!

if M1 finds out, he will quit in an uncontrolled rage. (Yes, sadly we are all older men.)

sad isn't mad --- and neither one has anything to do with being older.

 

[fhm555]

At this point in the evolution and with the current atmosphere in America...
1. It's too late to escape without further drama or worse. If the trouble makers are regulars at your gigs and acting out constantly, any preceived slight to their behavior will bring an escalation of BS and possibly violence directed at whomever is calling them out. You say you are sure M1 cannot muzzle them so anything that shines a light on their shortcomings will become the focus of all the energy they are currently directing at random people/places.
2. Find a band to take your current work on the books and dissolve the whole thing. Explain that it's been a good run but it's time to move on and go dark.
3. Give it a few months while searching for a replacement for M1, come up with a new name then get back in the saddle and ride like it never happened. It's not like you are losing a ton of money and cover bands live in a revolving door universe where last weeks "Dog Breath Breeze" is this weeks "Haze On The Popcicle" and both bands have the same lineup save one member.
By the time you restart your climb to the top of the local heap, the ten second tom family members will have found a new focus for their energy and you can concentrate on the music instead of the door when you are playing out.

Cover bands come and go, but drunken louts tend to stick like glue until you scrape them off like barnacles, and they've already demonstrated they thrive on drama so take a break and give them an opportunity to find fresh victims.
Or y'all can always all show up one night with ball bats and beat the fear of God into them with a promise for a repeat every time they show up. Unfortunately IME this is a short term solution and often leads to a continous series of clashes. Let it all go and start over. The upside is you've learned to nip such poopie in the bud should it happen again.

 

[Stumbo]

if you were to be honest with everyone in the band = you would have the opportunity for newer/better. the down side is: you'd have to be honest! good luck!


sad isn't mad --- and neither one has anything to do with being older.

Mad is about fear and intimidation, not logic and agreement or agreeing to disagree.

 

[arbiterusa]

Our choices are limited. Continue on and wobble harder till we disintegrate; replace M1 behind his back and form new band; Fire M1, lose the bookings we have, and risk violent reaction from M1's family (seriously). Or... your idea.

You really only have one option: fire him now.

 

[ChrisB2]

I was at a Judas Priest show years ago and by the last encore there were several rows of seats on fire. It was pretty awesome.

Hilarious!!!

 

[ChrisB2]

Is M1 aware of how disruptive the situation has become? How shocked would he really be to find out that his run had come to an end? If my crowd kept showing up to cause problems, I'd probably anticipate a pink slip to appear at some point.

Not sure, he's pretty narcissistic. I don't think it matters if he sees it coming or not, it will be explosively dramatic.

 

[ChrisB2]

I'm guessing that someone somewhere along the line (10-12 years?) has already communicated how inappropriate and counter-productive some of his and his family's behavior is, so it shouldn't be a shocker to him.

Definitely. And not just a few times. Looking back I'm a little embarrassed it went on like this. After posting this thread, I'm totally done with the family drama. One scrap of drama tomorrow and I quit, no if ands or buts. Whatever happens happens, but I'm 100% done with that stuff.

 

[ChrisB2]

"ARE WE NOT MEN"

LOVE IT! Thanks!

 

[ChrisB2]

@ChrisB2: Every option has been aired above but keep us posted on the direction you take and outcome. History sometimes repeats itself and experiences of others are sometimes good to reflect on if found in a similar situation.

I agree, tons of great advice! Thanks to everyone who responded. Yes, I will update the thread with whatever happens.

One thing I have decided for sure, any sign of drama from M1's family, I'm quitting on the spot. No notice. I'm done. This thread showed me that. If the others want to reform without him, fine. But I'm done with it. If they behave, we'll still have a discussion, not sure where that will go but I will report back.

Thanks again TalkBass! Wow, what a great community!!

 

[bikeplate]

Good luck. Tough situation

 

[4SG]

Drop #1 and give him the band name as a parting gift. Life's too short, etc. If he eventually calms down and cedes backs the name, and you still feel like using it, go ahead on. If not, you're already out of the situation.

I'm looking forward to hearing the outcome, as I'm sure everyone else is. GOOD LUCK.

 

[FenderB]

Sit down with him, tell him the band can't deal with his family issues at the gigs. Be upfront, be honest and be done with him. Start a new band without him, and tell him that is what is going to happen.

 

[azureblue]

Talk with him in a band situation - everybody. Tell him that the band is a business. Ask him this: "if he worked at a bank / grocery store / hospital / etc., and his relatives came in and acted like that, how long does he think he would be employed there?" Suggest to him that he, in turn, have a sit down with his rowdy family and tell them to either knock it off or don't come, because he is on the edge of getting fired from the band because of their behavior. And if it happens one more time, he will have to be let go.

The point here is that the issue isn't his, but his relatives, and he is the one who should yank them back. He is to blame for letting it go on and cause the band to lose gigs. So give him a chance to fix the problem.

 

[juancaminos]

Here is the thing that I don't see mentiond. Maybe I glossed over things a little too much, but Mr. #1 is by far the senior guy and therefore it is his band or for all intents and purposes. There is no firing him, you all just have to walk away and begin anew. I would also advocate that you never do anything behind anyone's back (starting another band in your spare time may not fall into this but surprises among adults just suck). Another way would be to speak with him about all of your concerns and ask if he would like to step away from senior leadership expectations and burdons and let one of you take over leadership. This is an important step. Get him to say yes, then you can demand things of him...like stop the madness (you already know that he can't). Next you have to put on the big boy pants and say "I'm sorry this just isn't working out, go away". Due process, progressive discipline, what ever you want to call it. But Captian Obvious says it's really time to move on.

 

[MD]

"Band Management" has weaned me off of "General Hospital"... love it.

 

[bolophonic]

Not sure, he's pretty narcissistic. I don't think it matters if he sees it coming or not, it will be explosively dramatic.

Good luck to you, sir. That's a tough situation that I do not envy one bit.

 

[Cliff Colton]

At your next gig, invite M1's family onto the stage. Let them jam along with tambourines and sing backup. After the show, tell M1 you're thinking of leaving the band, and you want to start a new band with him and his family.
Later, the other members should confront M1 and lay down the law. Who knows, maybe he'll quit.

 

[catcauphonic]

Good to see you back on the board @ChrisB2. Glad you been keeping so busy with bass, but sorry to read about this sad saga that's coming to a head. Lots of good advice given already from a few different viewpoints, so I'm just typing here to subscribe for the updates. Best of luck to you 3 trying to move forward, and even hoping dude with the issues gets his own crap sorted for the better.

 

[hrodbert696]

I actually read the whole thread so far!

My view: name recognition counts for a lot, especially in a tough business environment like the current cover band scene, and momentum counts for a lot when trying to get bookings. A new band under a new name will not necessarily just pick up where the old band left off, with the same draw and all, even if it's three of the same four members. I do not think M1's problems obligate the rest of you to scuttle an asset as important as that recognition and momentum. He may be the last founding member, but unless the band is actually incorporated and documents say otherwise, the band is an informal partnership and he's just one of the partners.

Bottom line; based on the information given, I think it's entirely appropriate, and in your best interests, to straight up fire him and recruit a replacement. Continue gigging under the same name. Do not go the quit-and-reform route.

Maybe you can get the Jerry Springer show to book you?

Assuming that 1, 2, 3, and 4 are sleeping with each other in some varying combinations and preferably having one another's babies, this is a good idea.