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Double Bass Bass/Music Jokes!!!

#82
okay, i don't know too many.

what do you do when your drummer gets to band rehearsal?
take your pizza and don't be cheap, be sure to give a tip.

what's the first thing a soprano does when she wakes up in the morning?
puts her dress back on and finds a way home.

and not music related...

what do you call a bohemian who gets kicked out of a bar?
a bounced czech!

**** that's all i got.
 
#86
fergus currie said:
Hey PEE, Nice to see you back in the fray! CARAMBA!
FC
Click to expand...

Hey, F. Ai, Caramba indeed.
Hope that means what it used to mean over here. (a big surprise). Those Greeks over where you're at prolly have a whole different meaning for it. Don't mess around with that **** if you don't wanna big surprise where the sun don't shine. :eek:
As you know, I'm into a tiny amount of pain to put an edge on my playing, but that kinda pain is not appropriate since I sit on a stool when I play........:crying:
 
#87
Q: What do you give to a drowning guitarist?

A: His amp...


Q: How can you tell when there's a drummer at your door?

A: The knocking gets faster and he comes in before you ask him to.


Q: If you are within a stones throw from a guitarist, what should you do?

A: Throw stones.


Q: What is the dynamic range of a guitarist's amp?

A: On or off.


Q: What's the difference between God and a conductor?

A: God knows he's not a very good conductor.


Q: Did you hear about the time when the bass player locked his keys in his car?

A: It took over two hours to get the drummer out.


Q: What's the best way to tune a guitar?

A: With wire cutters.


Ok, that's my lot. It's the best I can do :ninja:.
 
#88
Ok, heres some

What do you do if you see a bassist running around your back yard bleeding?
Stop laughing and shoot him again!

Whats the difference between a bass and a chainsaw?
Vibrato, although you can minimise this affect by holding the chainsaw very still.

How does a bassist's brain cell die? Alone.

Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

What do you call a bass player with a college degree?
Night manager at McDonalds

What do you do if you run over a bass player? Back up and make SURE.

How are a bass solo and a blind javelin thrower alike? Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.

How many bass players does it take to pave a driveway? Seven - if sliced thin and laid out correctly.

how do you get two bass players to play in tune?
Shoot one.

sorry if someone's already used them or if it offends anyone, i just thought they were funny :)
 
#89
This my friends is a true story. Not bass related, but the truth is often funnier than fiction.

I have a friend that has been running heavy equipment in North Dakota. He has a farm in the northern of the lower peninsula of Michigan. To go from the upper peninsula of MI to the lower one crosses the Mackinaw Bridge.

My friend was towing one of these back from ND to his farm. It is a grain auger for moving wheat, oats, corn, etc. up into a bin or silo.

Link Removed

He was stopped by the Michigan State Police at the bridge, a young fella. He asked my friend, "What are you towing there sir?" My friend replied, "This is a Grain Auger." The state policeman replied, "It looks like a missile launcher to me!" My friend nearly fell down in a laughing fit. We nearly did too when he told us about this "traffic stop".

OK I'm done.

Walt MI/USA
 
#99
My guitar player spammed me with a bunch of bass/drummer = knucklehead jokes... the typical smattering Like;

How do you get a bass player off your front porch? Pay for the pizza.

What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.


When he didn't get a reply, he sent another email asking why I didn't respond with any guitar player jokes.

I told him that was redundant.

He didn't write back.
 

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