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Double Bass Bass/Music Jokes!!!

#62
There is a accordion player driving home from a late night gig. Feeling
tired, he pulls into a local store for some coffee. While waiting to pay, he
remembers that he locked his car doors but left the accordion in plain
view on the back seat of his car! He rushes out only to realize that he is
too late. The back window of his car was smashed and somebody had
already thrown in two more accordions.
 
#65
I've got one.
A jazz trombone player goes to play with a local symphony orchestra. He's able to play all the parts perfectly, then all of the sudden he starts to solo. The conductor of course is furious and asks the trombone player "What do you think you're doing?". The trombone player replies "The music said take it, look." The trombone player hands the conductor the music, and the paper says Tacet.
 
#67
I think this one is an extension of a joke I read on the forum somewhere...

So,

What do you call a bassist that plays in tune? A mistake
What do you call 2 bassists that play in tune? Lucky
What do you call a section of bassists that play in tune? A Miracle

And finally,

Why are people supposedly impressed by the "Dragonetti" concerto? :eek: Because they thought that bassists had only heard of - but never seen or played- sixteenth notes. (:confused:)
 
#70
:ninja:
Bob Knebel said:
OK AX :D .... You passed "The Test" ..... You have been Torched ... And Have Grovelled-in The-Dirt-Proper.

We all-agree .... Us (double) bassists must git-along. Now that I have defended Pee-Dubb ..... I can also-say he is a Real-Dick to New-Borns that wander into Here :p . I sure like his Western-ess, history, insights, venom, playing, and pink-pumps.
Click to expand...

As you can see by my present siggy, I only come in here when I feel it's important and pertinent, IMO.
When those interested in jazz have read Helene LaFaro-Fernandez' new biography of her brother, the late and very great Scott LaFaro, "Jade Visions" they might notice several things.....information that may sound vaguely familiar. Why? Because I've posted some of it on these pages for quite some time. Stuff about Scott's (and mine). mentor Red Mitchell and stuff about one of our other mentors, (Scott and myownself). The great lady jazz pianist Pat Moran (who got me my little three week gig with Bill Evans). During that period My PM in-box became pretty busy with some pretty jive PM's about my big ego and nasty attitude, with allusions to "BS".
Whatever.....:spit:.

So Bob. We need to straighten out some more important issues rye-cheer....
I wouldn't be seen DEAD in "pink pumps". (well, maybe, since you can't see a dead guy's shoes in a casket....so, no big deal I guess). However, PINK never works fer me....EVER. Beyond tacky, not to mention CHEAP.
My standards are much higher than that. Mine are: BONE!!!!! YES! You ask......why? ONLY this: Bone goes with ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! YES! ANY color of the rainbow (which means alot to myownself). When picking out my outfit of the day,
(Particularly with my newly designed chicken-skin short skirt. [YES I DO shave my legs and other personal parts, so please don't be concerned]). {If I've said it once, I've said it....uh, TWICE...I do nnick myownself a bit when shaving and yes, the DELIGHTFUL little pain(s) add a certain edge to my playing}. they are my only choice. (at least with the odd weather we're having at the moment).
Please, also note this: The bone pumps are MID-HEEL. None O that there high heel **** fer yers truly.
Anyways, (as our wonderful younger posters say)......
please be a bit more caring with your colors.....GODDAMIT.
With much love, care and concern for your further enlightenment...
Pee-Dub.
Have a blessed day.........:help:
 
#74
Ya know how I feel about them islands and the strange people who dwell there, Trey. (let alone two ugly white bass players who seem to have found "Paradise" only in their drugged out states of mind). Gimme a break.
I mean, NO SHOES! Let alone something as tasteful and understated as my little bone babies. No...I mean my shoes! Not my bone.
Again, try to work on some kind of focus here will ya?
Thas' one reason why ya don't see me around here very often anymore.....Riff- Raff and all, doncha know.
Actually, I think Fuqua oughta move over there. NYC is far too classy for the likes of his ***. His jive cat would fit in real nice too. Imagine a pure white cat named "Spot". :bawl:
If that ain't a bit off-center.....phew. :help:
 

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