Bassist Jokes

[Kurtis Marleau]

What are some classic bassist jokes you've heard?

Why does a bass have 4 strings?
One to play with and 3 as spares. The 5's and 6's are for the really paranoid guys.

 

[FretNoMore]

http://www.talkbass.com/threads/bass-player-jokes.745190/
http://www.talkbass.com/threads/best-bassist-jokes.816630/
http://www.talkbass.com/threads/mean-bass-player-jokes.352949/
http://www.talkbass.com/threads/good-bass-player-jokes.314820/
... and many more.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None - the piano player does it with his left hand.

 

[fhm555]

You hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car? The drummer inside almost suffocated before they got it open.

 

[zontar]

You hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car? The drummer inside almost suffocated before they got it open.

A variation of my favorite one...

Another is--a missionary goes to an island and when he gets there he notices drums are always playing--no other instruments or sounds--just drums--he thinks it must be related to some ritual and eventually the drums will stop--but they don't--the drumming goes on & on.
he's trying to be patient & learn about the Islanders--so he goes about that and doesn't mention the drums, trying to be polite
Finally after a couple of weeks it starts driving him even more crazy--so he asks the chief why the drums never stop.
the chief replies, "If the drums stop, then something very bad happens."
The missionary thinks this is a superstition, but wants to understand their ways--so he asks, "What happens?"
The chief answers, "When drums stop, bass solo starts"

 

[drunkenDAYlewis]

I dunno if it's a joke in the traditional way but I once played a wedding and by pure dumb luck my brother was invited too....

He got every little kid to walk up to me and ask
"You play bass right? Shouldn't you be unloading gear or somthing?" Every five minute or so.

 

[michaelandrew]

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None - the piano player does it with his left hand.

How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just leave out - no one will notice.

 

[G-MonRV5]

What do you throw a drowning bass player? His amp. (That one was funnier a few years ago, before the micro amp market exploded.)

What's the difference between a bass player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

 

[Haji]

There are no bassist jokes, only drummer jokes.

 

[jamro217]

How can you tell when it's a drummer knocking on your door? He speeds up.

 

[buldog5151bass]

#$%# zontar beat me to my favorite.

 

[catcauphonic]

This one came across my FB feed a few weeks ago, and gave me a good chuckle...

 

[Haji]

What that image shows is that only bass players are normal and that while drummers, singers and guitards are confused as to their gender, singers also have multiple personality disorders.

 

[Uncle Niko]

How can you tell when it's a drummer knocking on your door? He speeds up.

He speeds up, then slows down, then speeds up again. Then, when you finally open the door, he doesn't know when to come in....


What's the difference between a Bassist and a 12" Pizza? A 12" Pizza can feed a family of four....

 

[mellohawk]

What do you do when a bass player comes knocking at your door?

You pay him for the pizza.

 

[son_of_mogh]

What do upright basses and old people have in common?
1. They're extra sensitive to climate changes
2. They don't travel well
3. They smell funny

 

[Pillsy]

An orchestra which had 4 double basses was doing Beethoven's 9th. This is a 55 minute song and there is a 20 minute section of no basses. The conductor demanded that the basses leave the pit for that 20 minutes. One of the basses comes up with a great idea of going across the street during the break and downing a few shots at the bar. All 4 of them had several shots when one noticed that it was at the 19 minute mark and they were going to be late. The first bassist say's: "Don't worry. I took a string and tied it around the score. When the conductor gets to that page he will have to untie the string and that will slow him down." When the basses got back the conductor was pissed. Well you can't blame him. It was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the basses were loaded.

 

[Dan Knowlton]

There are no bassist jokes, only drummer jokes.

HEY! I resemble that remark!

FYI - Haji is my brother and he knows that I am a recovering drum addict. I was messing around with sticks and a drum pad (again) this weekend... and then worked through a couple of lessons from Scott's Bass Lessons - GREAT stuff.

Nice to have Haji on the forum!

Dan K

 

[zontar]

#$%# zontar beat me to my favorite.

What's your second favorite?

 

[bluesdogblues]

The landlord in a local pub is an expert in judging the IQ of the punters. One day a new face enters the pub, the landlord talks with him for a short while and says: "Well, you must have an IQ well over 140." He introduces him to a man on the other end of the bar. They get to talk about Einstein's special and general theories of relativity as well as the philosophical links of Kant and Hegel and both enjoy a great night out in the pub.

An other new face is estimated nearer 90. He is brought to a corner of the pub where another bloke is watching a football match on tv. They get to talk the game, football in general and of course women and have a great night.

The third new face takes a bit more effort, which is understandable since the man only scores an IQ of 30. He gets taken along to a table in the back and planted on a chair next to a man who has been sitting there in silence for a while: "Right, trust my word for it, the two of you will get along just fine."

The two men slowly sip their pints for a very long time while looking at each other suspiciously. Until one says to the other: "So, which do you prefer, flatwounds or roundwounds?"

 

[buldog5151bass]

The cartoon with the wise guys and the guy tied up, with the bass player setting up. One wise guy says. That's ok, he'll talk now. They always start talking when the bass solo starts.