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chick vs chick with bass: electric boogaloo
- Thread starter The Deej
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Guys (and girls, of course), I have a question and since I can't ask my one and only friend and have a hard time confiding in other people I personally know, this is the only place to ask.
I just started my second semester of college, and because I don't have any friends left over from high school (or anywhere else for that matter), I was hoping to meet some new people at school. However, I can already see the same pattern emerging as in high school - I go to my classes and then go home, without having said a single word to anybody in the interim. I'm not good at approaching people or making friends or acquaintances, and so far as dating goes, it's a sparse landscape.
Now, I know I'm not pretty, but I don't think I'm that bad looking, and I've seen people who look a lot worse and are doing just fine. I'm pretty friendly, always willing to help, intelligent, and interesting (if you have things in common with me). I hold my head up high and act confident, and I'm willing to give practically anyone a chance, or the benefit of the doubt.
However, nobody ever approaches me or wants to talk, or can even carry on a conversation on the rare chance that I start one. Nobody even shows any interest. What is wrong with me? What is it that pushes people away like this? I am sorry for the lengthy post and for asking this sort of question, but I really am beginning to wonder.
I just started my second semester of college, and because I don't have any friends left over from high school (or anywhere else for that matter), I was hoping to meet some new people at school. However, I can already see the same pattern emerging as in high school - I go to my classes and then go home, without having said a single word to anybody in the interim. I'm not good at approaching people or making friends or acquaintances, and so far as dating goes, it's a sparse landscape.
Now, I know I'm not pretty, but I don't think I'm that bad looking, and I've seen people who look a lot worse and are doing just fine. I'm pretty friendly, always willing to help, intelligent, and interesting (if you have things in common with me). I hold my head up high and act confident, and I'm willing to give practically anyone a chance, or the benefit of the doubt.
However, nobody ever approaches me or wants to talk, or can even carry on a conversation on the rare chance that I start one. Nobody even shows any interest. What is wrong with me? What is it that pushes people away like this? I am sorry for the lengthy post and for asking this sort of question, but I really am beginning to wonder.
I can too well remember being terribly lonely in college. The truth of the matter is, I still am lonely. I have people around me all the time, but due to circumstances, I can not really connect with anyone. For the past year...well, lets just say it has been and continues to be, the worst year of my life. I have survived many tragedies in my 48 years, enough to sound unbelievable to most people. Yet a year ago I began finding out things which became the undoing of my very soul. I haven't told anyone, and the burden of that has almost destroyed me. But, I want to talk about you instead of me. I just wanted you to know, I understand loneliness very well.
You are pretty! I'm not going to go on and on trying to convince you, because it's not the issue (except maybe low-self esteem)
Don't judge the appearance of other people. There are people, like me, who have spent a lifetime mastering the skill of hiding their feelings and problems to others, putting on a happy outward appearance, while on the inside you would prefer a comet smashing you than face another day. We exist.
What's wrong is you are expecting too much from strangers. I think first of all, you need to get out more. Join some kind of group..you have to be available in order for people to meet you. Remember they could be feeling shy and alone too. Really, go someplace with a casual atmosphere and start striking up a conversation with people.
In Thor's earlier post he mentioned speaking to a lady he didn't know. It reminded me of a friend I had years ago who had a divorce and was shy. I took him to the mall and forced him to speak to strangers. I told him up front, that at least ten people would have no interest in anything he had to say before he meet one that he connected with. It was terrifying for him. I told him not to lie, but if he saw an a lady he thought was attractive to tell her. Don't ask for a name or number. Don't offer your name. Just learn to communicate honesty with no expectations, and welcome friendship when you find it...sooner or later someone interested in more than friendship will come along.
Once you realize that you can strike up a conversation, you will have lots of friends. I know you can do this. You posted pics of yourself in what is usually fun but sometimes very hostile territory. That takes guts.
The problem is, I don't really know you. It could be simple shyness, but it could be a problem with anxiety or depression. I am very hesitant to dismiss anything, because there isn't enough information to go on. So do some research, if you recognize any symptoms, see a professional for guidance.
You can PM me if you need to talk.
Thanks for the vote! No red ones, but I have stilettos in black (at least a dozen pair), blue, brown, and grey, to name a few. Oh yeah, and the cute lime green slides with the pink, yellow, blue and lime green stripes. They're just fun. And there's still time to acquire another pair or two before the weekend.
Tat2dHeart - OMG, I've got to see those lime green shoes with the stripes! And yes, let's have pics with outfit changes and different basses - the more options, the better.
FurryMonkey - That video was pretty funny, thanks for posting the link
Pocketgroove - I seriouly doubt there is anything wrong with you. Usually, people are just focused on their own lives. I agree with THand that you've got to put yourself out there and try to start some conversations. Join some clubs/ groups. It can be hard and you'll probably have to talk to a lot of people before you find one or two that you can connect with.
But keep at it! Focus on people you see regularly, like people in your class or dorm - it's easier to build friendships when you see someone regularly over time. I think you're lovely, btw.
From what you wrote, I'd say nothing's wrong with you. I can relate on many levels but I turned out fine.
You're playing an instrument. That's awesome. Come forward with that. People will start noticing you because you play music. It helped me a lot in boosting my self-esteem.
If approaching people out of the blue isn't your thing (just like me), consider other options to meet people. At one point I found weekends extremely boring because I always spent them alone so I decided to join a hiking club. It organises trips where you'd meet up with a dozen other hikers you've never met before and you just start walking the planned route. For me it was perfect.
- Being outdoors for a whole day
- Meeting people from different walks of life
- Whatever you see during the hike is a perfect conversation starter
- Since you're all facing the same direction, you don't have to look the other in the eyes (great for shy people
)- If a conversation stalls, it's fine since you're doing something else (hiking) in the meantime anyway. You then just concentrate on that.
- You may not have a smooth conversation with everyone but more often than not there are people in the group you can have some fun with.
I met my wife during one of those hikes.
Not saying that you should start hiking but my point is: There are options out there that may work for you. And it will help you build some confidence that will help you in other situations (like college).
I'm still not a great talker, still somewhat shy but over time I've found my group of loyal friends (especially the people in my band) who accept me for who I am and I'm happy how my life turned out.
While it's hard to take the first step (no pun intended), I'm sure you can turn this around. I wish you all the best.
one of these things is not like the others (which depends on your point of view) -
Could be Fender v. Gibson, could be ladies' legs v. a guy's. Best response wins a whip or paddle from the Deej.
You know, I was dead set to bring the jokes back big-time. Play the love-lorn old guy chasing the young girl and put on a funny as hell show for you guys.It's in humor and there is a big audience, right? Give'em what they want, I decided. The problem is, since I decided to do that pocketgroove made her post, and I realized that, this place deserves better. So I'm back...but keeping it honest (hear that Sam?) so this is not a joke :
What's the difference eh?
For me, the difference is when I look at one of those pics, well, I really only see one. I see someone who has gotten into my heart in a way few can. I think she got me in another thread. Either way, she got me. Since then she has shocked me with her daring, has made me cry with her pain, but mostly she has made me laugh. And laugh. And laugh. This is hard to describe. It's a platonic friendship and I'm married, and she's into the ladies. It doesn't matter one bit to me, cause I don't look at her that way, and yet I see one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I see her picture and I don't go "oh wow she's sexy", I feel calm and think,"that's my girl" .
So the difference is the "chick without bass (or paddle)"
^^Aww, that's lovely, THand.
Thanks for all the kind words, everyone. It is a struggle, but it is getting better, and it would be about a million times worse without music. In fact, I'm sure that music will be the way out of this loneliness, in due time. The best friend I've ever had is my guitar player, and there's room for others! I really liked the hiking idea, too, baskruit, except that I don't hike. I'm sure there's an equivalent in music or mentoring or community outreach, or in something that I would be inclined to do.
Thanks for all the kind words, everyone.
It is a struggle, but it is getting better, and it would be about a million times worse without music. In fact, I'm sure that music will be the way out of this loneliness, in due time. The best friend I've ever had is my guitar player, and there's room for others! I really liked the hiking idea, too, baskruit, except that I don't hike. I'm sure there's an equivalent in music or mentoring or community outreach, or in something that I would be inclined to do.
You only have to look at most great art to realise that most people struggle with loneliness at some time and in some way.
For me, I hate small talk, am not really into parties, and so on. I develop friendships with people who have common interests, but it usually starts with doing something together (such as playing in a band).
Stick with it....it will come good!
Holy hell, I just want to hug you. First off, it's not you, it's them. College guys are STUPID. Chances are, there are guys that have their eye on you, but they won't say anything to you, ever, because you could potentially reject them. Right now, to them, rejection is like having their, um, 'family jewels' fall off and get eaten by the dog. I've come across several guys that I went to grade school and/or high school with, now 15 years later, only for them to tell me that they had a crush on me way back then. I had no freaking clue. I wasn't unapproachable. It's like they just can't do it...
Second, Girl, you play freakin' bass! There are probably 150 guys that play guitar in your first three classes. 145 of them need a bass player. Let them know you play.
It's okay to have more than one project. Volunteer at a retirement home. Those people are probably more lonely than you, and will truly appreciate your companionship. There is a lot of knowledge gained through experience you could attain there too.
I still feel out of place whenever I'm, well, pretty much anywhere but my own house. lol...I feel out of place in this forum. Not for anything anyone's done or said...but still...
Screwed up, right? My guy can go anywhere and start talking to people about anything...blows my mind. I've been watching him for 8 years and I still can't figure out his secret. He's never at a loss for words. I guess he just assumes people care what he has to say, and it seems for the most part that they do. I don't know. It's 4:30 in the morning here and I can't sleep, so you're the victim of my sleep deprived ramblings.
Sorry.P.S. I like the orange & white bass too. If it was mine I'd call it Dreamsicle.
I was going to say that too, but only because she didn't have an instrument of pleasure/pain. Your answer is much better. Sam is very lucky to have someone that cares about her as much as you do.
And Sam, you have your stuff together. It might seem lonely now, but ride it out. I wish I knew where and what I wanted to do with my life when I was 18. I was an idiot when I was 18. You're not. You know what you want and you're taking steps to get it. Good job. Stay on your path and don't go getting yourself knocked up. Oh wait...you're gonna be just fine!
I have to say without, even though I agree with the too California skinny part. It takes either a lot of guts or a lot of arrogance to get up in front of an audience in your (or the equivalent to) underwear. I think for S.C. it's guts, and I have some serious admiration for that.
Totally agree. I get a kick out of saying just random nice things to people. The older I get the more I realize that people probably want to hear it if you think they have a great haircut, color, outfit, style, cute kid...whatever. I can always appreciate a random compliment from someone I haven't met, because generally they're sincere.
Although, here's my interesting random compliment story: I was shopping in a crowded Victoria's Secret store at their semi-annual sale. Tables and racks full of different underwear, lingerie, and whatnot...and I pick up this not-really-my-style skimpy piece of lingerie, and this guy (who was there shopping with his girlfriend) was like, "Yeah, that would look good on you." And that was it...he just walked away...
I had no idea how I was supposed to react...lol...although I did buy it, and probably wouldn't have had he not said that, so maybe he was looking out for my guy. I don't know. This was a good five or seven years ago, and I still remember...I think it was more the shock value than the 'compliment' though.All drooling over hotness aside, watching TBird's playing, I'm surprised that the camera actually caught his fingers and they weren't just a blur. Wow. That is all.
Chicago is pretty much halfway from you both, so if you ever decide to meet and hang out halfway, look me up and I'll get the second round.
I doubt I'll have much to contribute to any conversation, but I sure would love to sit back and listen to the two of you.
As a disclaimer: here's the original with the uncorrected typo's.
How the hell can people be so damn closed minded that they think that their opinion is actually fact, and anyone who feels or thinks any differently is just plain wrong? If that were really the truth we wouldn't have so many different types of music, art, or any kind of expression. We'd be living in "1984" all wearing the same clothes, speaking the same words, having one version of sex....how damn boring life would be. But then again, that's just my opinion. Maybe "1984" gets you* hard. Maybe you* believe that everyone would dress like you*, talk like you*, **** like you*, and of course listen to the same kind of music as you*, because we all know that everything else is just plain CRAP.
I don't know what Tbird looks like as a guy, but as a girl he turns me on.
*being all the haters that Thor has been mopping up like projectile vomit in the exorcist ward of the hospital.
Classy. Let's all promote "tolerance" while comparing anyone who does not find men in drag hot to projectile vomit. Or suggesting they prefer a totalitarian state.
For all of the acceptance and anti-hater hate this post is trying to accomplish, it has just as much negativity.
Sir, back to work with ye - your Two minutes Hate is now concluded.
pocketgroove - Check out some of the clubs on campus. On my campus there seems to be a club or organization for everyone. You'll get a chance to meet people who share your interests, and conversations come easier when you already know one interest of the people around you.
Another idea, if you haven't already done this, is get involved with the local music scene. Hit up shows, meet fellow musicians, network and make friends. Help out local bands if you get a chance, they'll more often than not repay in the future with a helping hand.
It gets easier. You'll meet people, they'll introduce you to other people, and your circle of acquaintances will grow.
This thread is pretty awesome now that Thor's cleaned up the joint.
Another idea, if you haven't already done this, is get involved with the local music scene. Hit up shows, meet fellow musicians, network and make friends. Help out local bands if you get a chance, they'll more often than not repay in the future with a helping hand.
It gets easier. You'll meet people, they'll introduce you to other people, and your circle of acquaintances will grow.
This thread is pretty awesome now that Thor's cleaned up the joint.
I have always found that being a bass player is the best ice-breaker I have. I don't know what styles you play or your skill level, but I suggest getting out there and playing wherever you find the opportunity. I play rock, bluegrass, jazz - it doesn't matter to me, I'm just the bass player and I make other people sound good. And it is a good way to build up a circle of friends.
Music is a tough business so if you are studying something else as well, that makes sense. But socially, the friends I have from playing music are fine for me.
You are good-looking, by the way.
With:
Without:
With. No contest. Are you sure that's even the same chick? I already want to talk to the chick in the "with" pic about gear. She seems cool.
The without pic looks like she should be anchoring the local news channel. Very pretty, but no thanks..."and now, back to you, but first here is our "eye in the sky" traffic copter with a report of an accident on I-285 near the I-20W exchange, Dave..."
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