I was about to apologize for the derail, then I remembered this thread isn't actually about cheese, bitter melon and overall Filipinoness
Though far be it from me to be the "Blame the victim" guy.
It's not it's about burritos...
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Could Someone Translate This Male Behavior?
- Thread starter Casting Thunder
- Start date
It's not it's about burritos...
The two most [DEL]shocking[/DEL] blatant incidents happened at church events (two different churches). One was a pastor's kid, who up that point had a solid friend of mine.
The other was a dude who had dated a new friend of mine for years, until they broke up weeks before the event, because he had hit her. I did everything in my power to say as far away from him as possible. Finally we got funneled into rollercoaster line, and I made the choice to stand behind him. I was standing maybe a foot and a half behind him, when for no reason his hand swings back and his hand grabs my crotch, he looks at me from the corner of my eye and smiles. This happened in board daylight.
Please, tell me what could I of done short of manslaughter to avoid this situation? (Leave when I saw he was there? Travel with someone who could of acted as a buffer? Wear mainly high neck tees? Wait I do that last one.) The fact that I have to take these precautions, and most guys don't proves that there is a rape culture.
The other was a dude who had dated a new friend of mine for years, until they broke up weeks before the event, because he had hit her. I did everything in my power to say as far away from him as possible. Finally we got funneled into rollercoaster line, and I made the choice to stand behind him. I was standing maybe a foot and a half behind him, when for no reason his hand swings back and his hand grabs my crotch, he looks at me from the corner of my eye and smiles. This happened in board daylight.
Please, tell me what could I of done short of manslaughter to avoid this situation? (Leave when I saw he was there? Travel with someone who could of acted as a buffer? Wear mainly high neck tees? Wait I do that last one.) The fact that I have to take these precautions, and most guys don't proves that there is a rape culture.
So here is what i do if i get in line and next to me someone i don't trust or like, i let couple of people go in front of me just so i don't have to stand next to them.
So just wondering, what happened next? Did you call authorities, did you let anyone know? Did you hit him?
If nothing is done after the fact, this douchebag will continue to do this because he can get away with it and no one said or done anything. People who molest, rape, take advantage of other people etc are cowardly in their nature. Any action after will make him think twice next time he wants to do something low like that. People tend to think that "if you don't say anything, it's ok" which is not always true.
So just wondering, what happened next? Did you call authorities, did you let anyone know? Did you hit him?
If nothing is done after the fact, this douchebag will continue to do this because he can get away with it and no one said or done anything. People who molest, rape, take advantage of other people etc are cowardly in their nature. Any action after will make him think twice next time he wants to do something low like that. People tend to think that "if you don't say anything, it's ok" which is not always true.
I don't know that you've could've easily avoided that situation but you should've responded by kneeing him in his crotch...hard!
After the smile he acted like it didn't happen so I let it go, chalked it up to a mistake. We were on a church trip, out of state, and I didn't want to ruin everyone's fun. If I had filed a report it would of been his word against mine, and it's not like there was any fluid exchange for proof.
Did I mention I have a disability (which also puts a target on my head) so that would been impossible? Plus that would of involved stepping closer to him which was the last thing I wanted to do. Would you attack someone who is 2-3 times stronger than you?
Sorry, i edited my post to add some more thoughts...
Heh, yeah, that's a touch one... I honestly hate people like that. I mean, i really can't speak too much on this, i am a 6.3 350lb dude, so i don't 100% know how to deal with that particular situation (What would work for me, would not necessary work for you). There are always risks when you speak out.
But like i said, for future, just create some space between people you don't trust/like. While that's doesn't eliminate all the problems you might run into, it will lower the chances.
It's sick that this kinds of crap happens.
Heh, yeah, that's a touch one... I honestly hate people like that. I mean, i really can't speak too much on this, i am a 6.3 350lb dude, so i don't 100% know how to deal with that particular situation (What would work for me, would not necessary work for you). There are always risks when you speak out.
But like i said, for future, just create some space between people you don't trust/like. While that's doesn't eliminate all the problems you might run into, it will lower the chances.
It's sick that this kinds of crap happens.
I'll let you in on a little secret. No matter how big and strong a guy is, striking him in his "special area" will do the trick. That would've sent a STRONG message!
One problem is, what he might do after. Maybe not right after but week after. You never know with those type of guys.
Just to let you know, there doesn't have to be any "fluid exchange". Public accusation of groping is pretty damn embarrassing thing.
The proper thing is for her to distance herself from this guy and group. It sucks that she's not doing anything wrong and yet is the one with consequences but that's life. It ain't fair.
She should also have raised a massive ruckus at those incidents and filed a report (which by the way she still can), if not for herself then for the next person that has to hang with those losers.
All right thanks for coming back in here and shedding a little more light. From your earlier posts it seemed as if it were a regular occurrence for you to be hanging out with one of your guy friends and a britches grab ensues
+1 and please do so!
+1 and please do so!
have a good weekend is a convo closer. and you're mad the convo didnt go on? what's the problem?
Yeah, those are my points in previous posts. I just don't think a kick in the nuts is very effective when dealing with scum if you are not close to their physical level and should be reserved for last resort. Unless you are a tiny soccer player who can make sure he doesn't ever have any kids after the kick...
in answer to the OP, one or both of these guys likely wanted to make a pass at you and were socially awkward enough not to know how to proceed past the "grinning like an idiot" stage
slobake
resident ... something
I am sorry to hear about this. I don't think there is anything you could have done to avoid this. What a putz. I don't think it is because you are hanging out in the wrong crowd either. Get enough people together and the sh** tends to float to the top and make everything stink. Like this freaking moron!
I have to admit reading your post made my blood boil.
I have a deal with the women in may church. There are sometimes wolves that enter our little family for the sole purpose of hitting on our women. I keep my eyes open and we have pre-arragened signals if I should intervene.
When I read "I didn't want to ruin everyone's fun" it reminded me of one of the worst descions I have ever made. I was on a wilderness trip with friends when I fell and messed up my ankle. I thought it was just sprained so I kept hiking and carrying a 60 lb pack because I didn't want to ruin their trip by forcing some of them to return. (Some of them rode up in my car) I ended up hiking 27 miles on an ankle that was broken in 3 places. This trip is just a memory for these guys but for me it was a life changer. I can no longer run or take long hikes. I had to change my career and the activities I do with my family and friends.
I know your situation was different. Mine was definitely unhealthy co-behaviour and I have learned from that. I can't tell you about your own behaviour that is a question for you to answer.
It might be interesting to tell everyone what the pastors son has done and see how they react. It may help you decide if you need a new church or not.
Mace in the face is also good.
Tat2dHeart
Only two strings away from an attitude problem.
I don't want to come off sounding like I'm being too harsh on you, but you really lost a golden opportunity by keeping your mouth shut about this situation. Since he's gotten away with it once, he'll probably try it again, thinking he's got you cowed. So here's the advice I gave my daughters before they ever started going in public without me on group trips or dates.
* Never start a fight - verbally or physically. Do that and you will face the consequences.
* If someone else starts a fight with you, you can choose to walk away or you can choose to finish it, but choose your battles wisely. Not every battle is worth a fight - make sure you're picking the ones that will win the war.
* Your body is your temple. Treat it appropriately. This means more than just eat right and exercise. This also means that you never ever ever HAVE to let anyone touch you that you do not want touching you in any way. Depending on where you are, assault and/or battery can be as simple as someone touching you with a fingertip without your permission. It doesn't have to be a slap or a punch. If someone touches you and you didn't invite it - and especially if it's in an inappropriate place - say something. Tell them - do not touch me. If they do not stop, make a fuss. If they still do not stop, make a scene - the biggest scene of your life. So what if they lie and say nothing happened. You're smart and you know it did. Where you are, who you're with, how many people will be embarrassed, and who will see is unimportant - this is your body and you do not have to tolerate this behavior from anyone. The person who touched you inappropriately is the person who did something wrong, not you, so you should not be afraid or ashamed of saying something or making a scene.
* I do not approve of underage drinking or drugs, but I was your age once and I remember how kids behave when their parents aren't around. If you are in a place where this is happening and you rode with someone who has been drinking/doing drugs, you call me and I will come get you and your friends. If you drove and you are participating in this activity, call me and I will come get you and your friends. I will not ask questions, lecture, or get angry when I come get you. I will - at that time - only call other parents to let them know their children are safe with me. The day after, however, is another story. You are my child and it's my job to protect you. I will ask questions and you will answer them honestly. I will lecture because that's what parents do. I will call other parents and tell them what they need to know. Expect there to be consequences to your actions if you were involved in something that you should not have been. You will be angry about it and I will still love you. You will get over being angry.
* You can talk to me about anything and I will not judge you. I may not agree with you, but that's okay. As long as you live in my house, we work under my rules, but I will hear what you have to say.
