Could Someone Translate This Male Behavior?

[slobake]

I don't want to come off sounding like I'm being too harsh on you, but you really lost a golden opportunity by keeping your mouth shut about this situation. Since he's gotten away with it once, he'll probably try it again, thinking he's got you cowed. So here's the advice I gave my daughters before they ever started going in public without me on group trips or dates.

* Never start a fight - verbally or physically. Do that and you will face the consequences.

* If someone else starts a fight with you, you can choose to walk away or you can choose to finish it, but choose your battles wisely. Not every battle is worth a fight - make sure you're picking the ones that will win the war.

* Your body is your temple. Treat it appropriately. This means more than just eat right and exercise. This also means that you never ever ever HAVE to let anyone touch you that you do not want touching you in any way. Depending on where you are, assault and/or battery can be as simple as someone touching you with a fingertip without your permission. It doesn't have to be a slap or a punch. If someone touches you and you didn't invite it - and especially if it's in an inappropriate place - say something. Tell them - do not touch me. If they do not stop, make a fuss. If they still do not stop, make a scene - the biggest scene of your life. So what if they lie and say nothing happened. You're smart and you know it did. Where you are, who you're with, how many people will be embarrassed, and who will see is unimportant - this is your body and you do not have to tolerate this behavior from anyone. The person who touched you inappropriately is the person who did something wrong, not you, so you should not be afraid or ashamed of saying something or making a scene.

* I do not approve of underage drinking or drugs, but I was your age once and I remember how kids behave when their parents aren't around. If you are in a place where this is happening and you rode with someone who has been drinking/doing drugs, you call me and I will come get you and your friends. If you drove and you are participating in this activity, call me and I will come get you and your friends. I will not ask questions, lecture, or get angry when I come get you. I will - at that time - only call other parents to let them know their children are safe with me. The day after, however, is another story. You are my child and it's my job to protect you. I will ask questions and you will answer them honestly. I will lecture because that's what parents do. I will call other parents and tell them what they need to know. Expect there to be consequences to your actions if you were involved in something that you should not have been. You will be angry about it and I will still love you. You will get over being angry.

* You can talk to me about anything and I will not judge you. I may not agree with you, but that's okay. As long as you live in my house, we work under my rules, but I will hear what you have to say.

Great post. You sound like an awesome mom.

 

[Tat2dHeart]

Great post. You sound like an awesome mom.

Thanks, slobake. I did my best. A lot of days they really hated me, but I simply think that means I was being a parent and not a best friend.

 

[macaroni tony]

 

[kserg]

Still don't understand what the big deal with underage drinking and never will... Other then my disagreement on the next day lecture, Tad2Heart, awesome post.

My parents were more of "if you going to drink, drink with us, it's not a big deal. If you going to drink somewhere else, not a big deal, just make sure you trust people you are drinking with, update us so we are not worried and reply to your pager (later cellphone...)"

Who remembers pagers, those things were great!

 

[Marley's Ghost]

I heart Tad2Heart. What an awesome post.

I have 2 daughters who are 18 and 22 and both in college. My standing instructions are:

If any guy/guys mess with in the aforementioned way, text me and your big brother (he's really big). One or both of us will be there as soon as possible to discuss the incident with the lad(s). If reason does not work, they will wish they were never born. We all live/work/school nearby. So far, no need to execute this plan. Boyfriends do need to be approved by big brother, and that has worked out very well.

 

[Tat2dHeart]

Still don't understand what the big deal with underage drinking and never will...

Aside from the legality? In my county back then, parents were responsible legally and financially for any mischief their minor children got into - and these were mostly small-town farm kids with big imaginations. There was no "let's drink a few beers and watch a movie." It was more like, "Wanna see something funny? Here, hold my beer and watch this!" Those kinds of pranks can cost a lot of money that I never had.

 

[slobake]

Thanks, slobake. I did my best. A lot of days they really hated me, but I simply think that means I was being a parent and not a best friend.

I believe that if your kids never say they hate you then you are doing something wrong.

 

[Tat2dHeart]

I heart Tad2Heart. What an awesome post.

I have 2 daughters who are 18 and 22 and both in college. My standing instructions are:

If any guy/guys mess with in the aforementioned way, text me and your big brother (he's really big). One or both of us will be there as soon as possible to discuss the incident with the lad(s). If reason does not work, they will wish they were never born. We all live/work/school nearby. So far, no need to execute this plan. Boyfriends do need to be approved by big brother, and that has worked out very well.

Thanks!

My dad took your approach, but then, he also didn't let me date until I was 18 and I didn't have any brothers for enforcement.

 

[kserg]

Aside from the legality? In my county back then, parents were responsible legally and financially for any mischief their minor children got into - and these were mostly small-town farm kids with big imaginations. There was no "let's drink a few beers and watch a movie." It was more like, "Wanna see something funny? Here, hold my beer and watch this!" Those kinds of pranks can cost a lot of money that I never had.

Uh, makes sense... I think that was reason my parents took the "drink with us" approach.

Never done "hold my beer and watch this though" Most of time it's "Let me finish my beer and then you watch" - Trusting other people with your beer... Amateurs!

 

[BawanaRik]

Que?

I had the same thought.

 

[Casting Thunder]

Long story short with the Pastor's kid: NYE, dude thought it would be great to kiss as many chicks as possible. After the fact weren't allowed to hang out because "I was a girl and he was a boy" (we were still teens). He'd done this the year before, and continued to do it for a couple years after. He knew what would happen, and still used me. This was in full view of the youth pastor and six parents every year. I left that church after that.

Tat, I know that list well. I did marshal arts when I was a kid, but when push comes to shove I froze.

 

[BawanaRik]

Uh, makes sense... I think that was reason my parents took the "drink with us" approach.

Never done "hold my beer and watch this though" Most of time it's "Let me finish my beer and then you watch" - Trusting other people with your beer... Amateurs!

Most of the rest of the civilized world doesn't have this alcohol phobia that we have. Many French kids think it's normal to have a glass of wine at dinner.

 

[kserg]

Most of the rest of the civilized world doesn't have this alcohol phobia that we have. Many French kids think it's normal to have a glass of wine at dinner.

Yeah, it was weird to me when people were making such a big deal about drinking (I moved to US from Russia when i was 11)

I mean, i love drinking, and i do get drunk... I just didn't see it as such a big deal when i was in high school/college.

 

[BawanaRik]

Yeah, it was weird to me when people were making such a big deal about drinking (I moved to US from Russia when i was 11)

I mean, i love drinking, and i do get drunk... I just didn't see it as such a big deal when i was in high school/college.

I imagine going from one culture to another there are bound to be differences.

Viva La Difference!

 

[SJLee]

What did you want them to do? Maybe they were waiting for you to leave first. You know, trying to be polite and all.

 

[macaroni tony]

Long story short with the Pastor's kid: NYE, dude thought it would be great to kiss as many chicks as possible. After the fact weren't allowed to hang out because "I was a girl and he was a boy" (we were still teens). He'd done this the year before, and continued to do it for a couple years after. He knew what would happen, and still used me. This was in full view of the youth pastor and six parents every year. I left that church after that.

Tat, I know that list well. I did marshal arts when I was a kid, but when push comes to shove I froze.

so the Pastor's son tried to kiss you for three new years' straight?

 

[Casting Thunder]

so the Pastor's son tried to kiss you for three new years' straight?

He kissed me once, knowing that we wouldn't be able to associate with me after the fact. He grabbed me to do it, and that's not okay.

 

[macaroni tony]

He kissed me once, knowing that we wouldn't be able to associate with me after the fact. He grabbed me to do it, and that's not okay.

OK got it. Nope not OK; whether or not he grabbed you. It's your space, homeboy's gotta know that's not cool. Man your posts are not clear. Except for this one, see how clear it is??

 

[DerHoggz]

I had the same thought.

It isn't the natural attraction that is the problem, but acting on that attraction in inappropriate ways.

 

[elgecko]

The answer is clear. You need to steer clear of church-oriented activities!