Craigslist ads. Have fun.

[Alik]

So, since my wife and I don't have children, that makes our little house something more like a van down by the river, or cardboard boxes under the interstate bridge?

yeah right.

I have a two word phrase for you but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to type it here. I'm sure you can figure it out if I tell you the first word is a vulgar transitive verb from Old English and the second word is the second person pronoun, objective case.

And for that matter, the equine on which you arrived.

 

[Paulabass]

Not music related, but I know I've gotten some responses to ads that were nearly as strange or creepy:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

View attachment 3845308

The first response to most Craigslist ads is to send a pic of your junk.

 

[Brozzy]

Does anyone actually take the time to read this diarrhea of the keyboard? When I see and ad like this I just go on to the next one.

I was told this is a symptom of methamphetamine usage. Verbal tweakin'

 

[Beej]

Does anyone actually take the time to read this diarrhea of the keyboard? When I see and ad like this I just go on to the next one.

There’s always a certain entertainment value in it.

If you read it out loud in the voice of Comic Book Guy, it all makes sense...

 

[TNCreature]

After reading this ad more than once, I am still not clear on who/what they are or what they are offering. I am really scratching my head over the seemingly arbitrary $60K per-year salary threshold as a measure of success.
So much vaguery
Posted on Philadelphia CL Musicians page.

Black Entrepreneurs & Creatives Making 60K And Up (Serious Inquiries Only️)
We run an indie artist marketing/promotion aggregator dedicated to featuring artists and entrepreneurs who are TALENTED and making the effort to put themselves out there. No hobbyists please. If you don't put the time, energy, and money into your profession, please DO NOT reply. The only people who should respond are professionals who make a living from their business and make $60,000 and up annually. Serious artists and entrepreneurs only.

You will be featured on two websites... one is about indie artist marketing and the other is about black empowerment.

A ton of creative entrepreneurs have been featured already...

Artists (Illustrators, Painters, Graphic Designers, Etc.)

Musicians (Singers, Rappers, Etc.)

Business Owners

...and more!

The name of the game is black empowerment.

DISCLAIMER: We promote hard working, talented entrepreneurs ONLY. We reserve the right to turn down submissions. Your works must be of great quality and all submissions are accepted at our sole discretion. You must have your own website in addition to social media. Why do you need a website? It shows a great level of dedication and professionalism. Submissions that only have social media links will not be accepted.

The Feature would entail...

9 - 14 interview questions

2 to 3 of your most recent (professional) photos

Your website and social media links at the end of the interview

When you reply, you must send your name, your social media, your email address, and your website. We will only reply back to the people who follow those directions. Aside from a feature (free), we write exceptionally thorough reviews (inquire about rates) as well.

You might ask what is the catch?

Since this feature would be free of charge, you will need to follow all of our social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube) listed on the image above. If this is something you don't want to do, do not respond to this ad.

We repeat, serious inquiries only. We will not be responding back to anyone with irrelevant replies.

Racist trolls who hide behind a keyboard like a coward and make racist remarks while crying about "reverse racism" won't be getting any replies. Go get a bucket for your tears.

SERIOUS ARTISTS AND ENTREPRENEURS ONLY!

 

[TNCreature]

What about the musician wanted ads that are Looking for "touring" musicians, or "Must be able to tour" and then of course, there is no actual tour.
Here is a current headline:
Guitarist and/or vocalist for Warped Tour (West Philly)
But in the body of the ad: "I am a guitarist and an ok singer seeking something with ambition. Ideally, looking for something that is uptempo rock that you might see at Warped Tour."
I love this part:
"I like to jump around a lot on stage.
I have a practice space in my basement if needed.
I have been writing songs if we want to use them, or I can learn yours, or we can write new ones."

 

[Playbyear]

After reading this ad more than once, I am still not clear on who/what they are or what they are offering. I am really scratching my head over the seemingly arbitrary $60K per-year salary threshold as a measure of success.
So much vaguery
Posted on Philadelphia CL Musicians page.

They only want people with enough money to be worth it to scam!

 

[S-Bigbottom]

What's even better is the condition of some of it. He doesn't have pictures on it now, but he has in the past. The Peavey Mark III mixer that he wants $25K for is missing at least 10 of the channel strips,

He has it listed in a separate ad.

Peavey Mark III 16 ch collectable mixer board
10 channels removed for Back Stage sound/eng/pros from SECT.of Kansas City MO , the electronics will snap right back in if some one has them. (second owner)

Ya... Just find them and put them back in.

 

[acid bass]

Saw this ad for a dude trying to sell a badly busted Fodera for $5000. I don't know enough about Foderas to know how much this should affect the price, but this particular paragraph in the description made me laugh.

I know a lot of you out there are a bit anal when it comes to the condition of your axes; that's cool. However, a lot of cats who gig regularly want an instrument that sounds and plays great but isn't pristine, so they can relax a bit when taking it out of the house etc. If you want a real, vintage-era Fodera but don't have $6-7K, these two are great candidates.​

Yea buddy. I'm super uptight about taking a $6000 bass out to a gig, but $5000? Oh man, what a weight off my shoulders!

 

[dadglasser]

Here's one from my area. I may be being silly, but it seemed odd that someone advertising as a "front man" would post a picture of his back and (I assume) singing in a garage:

 

[Bass Viking]

Whenever there's an ad for something like an entry level Ibanez or a Squire or an Epiphone or something and the title has words like "vintage" or "rare" or "limited edition" and then the price is at least a couple hundred over new. Or my favorite is the ads where someone will have like 2-3 low price basses (like what I mentioned above) and want to trade all of them for something like a Rickenbacker or a USA Fender or something. I always want to write to those people and tell them no one will ever trade a higher end bass for 2-3 entry level basses.

I saw an ad for an F Bass where the seller said “Please don’t offer to trade me your Fender Jazz bass or your Ibanez bass guitar.”

 

[Michedelic]

Here's one from my area. I may be being silly, but it seemed odd that someone advertising as a "front man" would post a picture of his back and (I assume) singing in a garage:
View attachment 3871931

That reminded me of this...

 

[Recon1342]

Smart Bassist Wanted (Sandpoint)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Too much to ask for? Maybe...
View attachment 3846478
Experimental three piece (guitar/voc & drummer & woodwinds) looking to add a hip bass player to hold down the bottom, color outside the lines, and add some backing vocs as needed. Must have big ears and be able to SOLO and IMPROVISE on the fly. Fretless ability a bonus!

Jazz, fusion jazz and rock covers and originals. Some RealBook standards, some Police, Pat Metheny, Paul Simon, Rush, Flecktones, Scofield, McLaughlin, Mike Stern, Steely Dan, Tears4Fears, Brecker Bros, ambient/textural/groove...ya know...that kinda thing! We have a sax/woodwinds player in the wings too.

Looking for someone that is accomplished on their instrument that can dig in when required! Please have top-shelf gear and be somewhat tech savvy. We'll be looping some stuff as well. I guess we're looking for a local Jaco or Vic Wooten! Too much to ask for? Maybe...

Will gig in and around Sandpoint to start. We rehearse in Ponderay on Fridays at noon! Please be close and available. Have gigs when we want em. No boozers/drama. 420 cool

Auditions after initial phone interview. Email thru Craigslist with phone number

Cheers!

Sandpoint population: 7,365 at the 2010 census,
Ponderay population was 1,137 at the 2010 census.

Ugh. I live on the other end of the state, and even I know it’s spelled Pend Oreille, NOT ponderay.

French-Canadian trappers=cool place names with weird spellings.
Lake Pend Oreille - Wikipedia

 

[acid bass]

Are you looking for a lot of 5 Frankenstein guitars/basses to buy all at once? Well then you're in luck!

Hi all, thanks for looking.
Over the past few years I have put together 7 guitars for my own use.
I have bonded with 2 basses, so I thought I'd sell the rest.
These are mostly parts instruments, although one is completely hand done & another has a body I made.
These would be great if you have a studio and want different sounds.
$1500 for the bunch, that's $300 per guitar (probably less than the cost of the parts) - such a deal.
I'd like to sell as a group as I am clearing my house for a possible move.
So, here we have:
1. Fretless short scale bass (30 3/4" scale) with fret lines.
Neck adapted from a Warmoth, mahogany & maple hand built body and Bartolini jazz-style pickups. No case...$500 if sold separately
2. 30" short scale bass. Warmoth neck. Unbranded Albert Lee style body with metallic silver finish.
Fender wide range hum bucker. Sounds like a Gibson EB-0 except a little clearer sounding. No case...$400 if sold separately
3. If you like Telecasters, but you want a more comfortable contoured offset body, this is for you.
Alder "Wolfgang" type body. Warmoth neck. DiMarzio "Twang King" pickups. No case...$400 if sold separately
4. Supro style guitar with a fiberglass body by "Guitar Kits USA",
Mighty Mite Strat neck and Jazzmaster pickups. This has its own dedicated case...$450 if sold separately
5. Handmade 34" scale fretless bass. Maple & mahogany with a rosewood fingerboard. EMG pickup.
This has its own dedicated case...$750 if sold separately
6. I also have a Fender bass gig bag that fits any of these - I'll include that.

 

[dadglasser]

Repair or custom work

I suppose wood is wood, but somehow the non-musical-instrument pic.'s just don't give me confidence:

Hello! I do musical instrument and furniture repair. If it’s made of wood I can fix it. You want something custom made of wood? I can do that too. Guitar/bass set up, drum repair, drum tuning. I got it!
Thank you.
​

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[Michedelic]

This just in...

Maybe they’re BOC fans....

 

[Michedelic]

Hmm, any ladies wanna win the lottery?

 

[Volker Kirstein]

Hmm, any ladies wanna win the lottery?View attachment 3912575

Wait... wait... What? I know this opa! Or his twin brother!

He sits in at every session. Always plays the same harp. (we have to play in G) Always plays the same 3 riffs. (slow shuffle w/quick change) Reasonably OK in his same 3 riffs. Always hits on the omas, and sometimes walks out with one.

I thought he lived "around the corner" from the venue. When did he move to San Diego?

 

[ZedLepp]

Wait... wait... What? I know this opa! Or his twin brother!

He sits in at every session. Always plays the same harp. (we have to play in G) Always plays the same 3 riffs. (slow shuffle w/quick change) Reasonably OK in his same 3 riffs. Always hits on the omas, and sometimes walks out with one.

I thought he lived "around the corner" from the venue. When did he move to San Diego?

And this is why the blues band that I sub for tunes to Eb. The BL hates it when someone he doesn't know tries to sit in. The look on some of their faces when he tells them that we tune to Eb is quite rather comical. Especially when he tells him that we aren't re-tuning.

Side Note - Opa?, Oma? - Annyounghasayyo to you then.

 

[acid bass]

Side Note - Opa?, Oma? - Annyounghasayyo to you then.

I believe this is the German Oma/Opa.