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Dating websites : yay or nay?
- Thread starter Thomas Kievit
- Start date
To be totally honest, not really. It's really next to never that I ever go out and "do" anything. To some degree I think that I forgot how too.
There's a bit of a story but I don't feel like boring anybody with it. But the bottom line is that I'm basically pretty content being alone. Is it perfect or utopia? No to both. But 98% of the time I really don't mind it.
To be honest : I don't go out a lot either. I have some stuff on my mind to take care of, but when I go out, I go for fun with friends, not to get a girl 
This is pretty much where I'm at right now. I spent my entire 20's in and out of relationships and I've concluded that these chicks around here are all strays - that is, women my age who haven't already married and had kids.
Being alone rocks. Going on occasional dates with Rosey Palm might seem pathetic to you married guys, but it's worth not having someone around making me do stuff and talk about my day when I get home. I hate talking about my day. I'd rather be interrogated by the police. Just let me sit down with a beer and zone the **** out!
Unless you keep on storage, you'll have to go out for one. Possibly you could get one who delivers.To be honest : I don't go out a lot either. I have some stuff on my mind to take care of, but when I go out, I go for fun with friends, not to get a girl
Unless you keep on storage, you'll have to go out for one. Possibly you could get one who delivers.
Take out sounds ok too. As long as I get those way cool plastic containers.
I've spent time on three different dating sites on and off for three years.
I have talked to likely 100 women at this point in the amount of time one can qualify as acquaintances.
I've met or had a date with probably 40-45. I have dated for an extended period about 15 of them.
I've only had one serious relationship (8 months).
Long story short, I learned early on that you don't bother messaging them. Let them message you. That's how you gauge interest. They are inundated with messages daily. There are lots of attractive women on dating sites.
I learned you can parse women (I obviously have no experience with men) in 6 different categories of why they are on them:
1.) Very boring
2.) Total pretentious jerk out for attention (I spare more vulgar words)
3.) Very weird
4.) Too busy for a relationship
5.) Emotionally damaged
6.) Normal but not having luck in dating world
I'd say the "emotionally damaged" category transcends the rest. Most of the attractive women fall under #2. 1 & 3 categories will mesh sometimes. I'd say out of all the girls I dated/had extended relations with, most were not normal. Although, "not normal" is an ambiguous term I'm using; I enjoyed many of them but I had to sell myself short sometimes (which I'm learning how to completely stop doing). I've had more reasonable luck though; my cousin has had some absolute nuts. Too often when I wanted to meet after talking for a week or even weeks, they would make a joke (although with a large kernel of seriousness): "you're not going to kill me, right"? If you use a dating site, watch for the huge red flags.
A neat little sidenote is that many of them just got out of a relationship and just need attention. You race with 50 guys, don't bother. If you get your shot, they will emotionally use you and then ditch you. I kept my account(s) open just because they were good venues to possibly meet cool people; but otherwise, I never messaged any women. What a waste of time.
The stories I heard from women were even worse - endless scores of desperate, disgusting men.
I have talked to likely 100 women at this point in the amount of time one can qualify as acquaintances.
I've met or had a date with probably 40-45. I have dated for an extended period about 15 of them.
I've only had one serious relationship (8 months).
Long story short, I learned early on that you don't bother messaging them. Let them message you. That's how you gauge interest. They are inundated with messages daily. There are lots of attractive women on dating sites.
I learned you can parse women (I obviously have no experience with men) in 6 different categories of why they are on them:
1.) Very boring
2.) Total pretentious jerk out for attention (I spare more vulgar words)
3.) Very weird
4.) Too busy for a relationship
5.) Emotionally damaged
6.) Normal but not having luck in dating world
I'd say the "emotionally damaged" category transcends the rest. Most of the attractive women fall under #2. 1 & 3 categories will mesh sometimes. I'd say out of all the girls I dated/had extended relations with, most were not normal. Although, "not normal" is an ambiguous term I'm using; I enjoyed many of them but I had to sell myself short sometimes (which I'm learning how to completely stop doing). I've had more reasonable luck though; my cousin has had some absolute nuts. Too often when I wanted to meet after talking for a week or even weeks, they would make a joke (although with a large kernel of seriousness): "you're not going to kill me, right"? If you use a dating site, watch for the huge red flags.
A neat little sidenote is that many of them just got out of a relationship and just need attention. You race with 50 guys, don't bother. If you get your shot, they will emotionally use you and then ditch you. I kept my account(s) open just because they were good venues to possibly meet cool people; but otherwise, I never messaged any women. What a waste of time.
The stories I heard from women were even worse - endless scores of desperate, disgusting men.
I've met #4, she was very....progressive. Never let on that she gave a ****. Dropped her after a few of her tight scheduled life dates.
Damaged ones were fun to meet once, and memorable. They just seemed charged to me. Not really hurt, just totally willing to try to spring to the next, and then they'd bounce back like "this is the kind of guy I could end up with?" Lol.
Boring goes both ways. Some are nice. Some aren't. The ones that aren't just creep me out.
6 I've met. Very....intellectual. Seems to be the kind of person that wants something at every place they go, but they never find what's "just right" so they leave.
Weird ones are rare.
All in all, I feel like an untouchable compared to girls I've met. That's literally the only reason I keep going for it; because I just wonder if I'll smarten up. And I'm still "shy" (in the sense I leave people alone, not that I don't know how to bother people).
Yea I've gotten to that place as well. I just feel numb and willing to just "play the part" to see someone who appreciates me sometimes because it beats calling most girls out on their BS when I'm pretty sure all they're after is a lump of another human being to puppy follow them to their expectations.
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Echoing what Michael said, let the women message you. That means you need a good picture of yourself and a very detailed and non jerk sounding profile. If you decide to initiate contact you need be very different from the 50 other dudes messaging her that day.
Oh, I forgot I'm not supposed to use any bandwidth on the site, I might crash the server.
If you want to point a finger, it starts with edpal. I DID originally give a short reply.
Unrepresented
Something Borderline Offensive
Unrepresented
Something Borderline Offensive
I'm actually in a committed long term relationship which reading this thread makes me more and more thankful for.
I can concur. I never contacted anyone on the site I was on, virtually never anyway. I found the whole thing to be quite lame. The rare ones that would contact me and I would respond to would never go anywhere. But, one time it went well. I met my girl by her contacting me first.
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