Dealing with the fallout from quitting a band

[mancefine]

The band is nowhere close to attaining real success. We spent the past 2 years getting it off the ground, paying our dues, etc. We have made some good headway, gotten some endorsements, made contacts, released an album, and just hired a booking agent. So, when I say touring, I mean the type of touring where you book the best shows you can with the best bands you can find in the area and pray it works out. Definitely not opening for established signed acts. The type of touring most bands have to do for 2 years or so before a record company would even entertain signing them, especially in this genre of music. My guilt stems from knowing how much work they have put in along with myself and setting them back, possibly killing the band if they can't really find someone. It's not that it's hard to find a bass player per say, it is apparently hard for them to find someone who wants to play this style of music, who is roughly their age, who fits the band aesthetic, who is a responsible non-druggy (insert more craigslist "wants" here), has a schedule that aligns, etc. Doesn't change the decision I've already made, just makes me sad for them. I've sent out several inquiries to bassists with no reply. Maybe other bassists lack of interest is a sign that I'm making the right decision regardless of the promotion. Who knows.

 

[EdO.]

My guilt stems from knowing how much work they have put in along with myself and setting them back, possibly killing the band if they can't really find someone. It's not that it's hard to find a bass player per say, it is apparently hard for them to find someone who wants to play this style of music, who is roughly their age, who fits the band aesthetic, who is a responsible non-druggy (insert more craigslist "wants" here), has a schedule that aligns, etc.

I get that. In my experience trying to find band members who you can get along and connect with, who all want to do the same thing, operate in the same manner, are operating at the same experience/ability level etc etc you're literally looking for needles in haystacks. Small wonder most bands don't last. Like Stringthrough said replacing someone in an already up and running group is a serious pain in the @ss. Much easier to do though if the band has legs, paying gigs etc. Sucks, but life goes on.

 

[Gaolee]

Can't you find a bassist on TB?

No. None of us actually play bass. We just talk bass. But we are really good at it. It's all about the practice.

 

[Jimmy4string]

Mancefine,
Do what is best for you -and as Joe Nerve says just be direct and honest. A good bass player does take time to find in the ATX -but certainly possible. Hopefully you will still use your talents here in other ways when you leave that working band!

 

[Ox Boris]

I should have my coffee before I post. Apologies to all.

Yours was a perfectly reasonable position, presented with pith and by using scorn, threw your obvious passion into sharp relief.
You wankers trying to suppress or pillory for the mere presenting of this opinion, on a forum designed for that very purpose, are the ones being really offensive.

 

[Omega Monkey]

Why did it take until the 5th page for someone to suggest the band just get a sub when they need to tour and the OP stays in the band the rest of the time?

Also, aprod is right. If half of the bored hobbyists just stayed in the bedroom or basement, there might be enough work to go around for the rest of us.

 

[Eilif]

The band is nowhere close to attaining real success...

...My guilt stems from knowing how much work they have put in along with myself and setting them back, possibly killing the band if they can't really find someone....

.... I've sent out several inquiries to bassists with no reply. Maybe other bassists lack of interest is a sign that I'm making the right decision regardless of the promotion.

I don't ever downplay the value of a bassist, but in most cases, if a band isn't strong enough to survive the loss of a bassist, and isn't enough attract a new one it probably doesn't have what it takes.

I was once with a group for 4 years. I thought they were ready to make the next step, but I knew I couldn't go there. I stayed with them for 6 more months trying to help them find a bassist. They couldn't find one and within 2 months of me leaving the band -still without a bassist- fell apart. Years later I heard a recording of our last show and you know what? We weren't very good. Even if it had been an off-night, it was clear that there wasn't enough there and I was just helping to prop up a shakey operation.

You know it's time to step out. Do it respectfully and forthrightly of course, but of they can't find a replacement that's on them. Don't waffle, don't suggest that they should stay small if they want to keep you. Just move on.

 

[RoadRanger]

Why did it take until the 5th page for someone to suggest the band just get a sub when they need to tour and the OP stays in the band the rest of the time?

Maybe because
the chances of finding a free sub willing to pay his own way on a no-pay tour is zilch?

 

[Omega Monkey]

That's why you pay them. Duh.

If the tour is worth doing in the first place, there should be a way to pay for a half decent sub. And if the tour is not worth doing, then the problem solves itself.

 

[RoadRanger]

That's why you pay them. Duh. If the tour is worth doing in the first place, there should be a way to pay for a half decent sub. And if the tour is not worth doing, then the problem solves itself.

Touring must be different in your universe LOL. Hereabouts it's all P2P. Even on the "big tours" the openers pay to be on the tour plus all expenses.

 

[Eilif]

Touring must be different in your universe LOL. Hereabouts it's all P2P. Even on the "big tours" the openers pay to be on the tour plus all expenses.

What!?!?
How do musicans eat over there? I've heard of folks touring and making just enough for food and gas, but what exactly is the point of paying someone to play shows on the road.

I'm with OmegaMonkey,
If the band can't find a replacement and the "tour" (still not certain what that means in this situation" doesn't make enough to hire a sub it's not worth it.

 

[Omega Monkey]

Thanks for making my point rr. The op is worrying about a tour that doesn't even exist. And you DO realize that the band could pay the sub themselves if they really want to go, right? You have to open your thinking man, you're only limited by your imagination (or lack thereof).

 

[RoadRanger]

I personally know of two country singers who are independently wealthy and that's how they record and tour. There are plenty like them in this country - to the point where you have to be self bankrolled to have any chance of "making it" aside from the reality shows.

 

[RoadRanger]

And you DO realize that the band could pay the sub themselves if they really want to go, right?

I suspect they are a bunch of broke-arse musicians with stars in their eyes - so no possibility of hiring any touring pros.

 

[MCF]

Somebody not too happy with their current gig - or life?

That seemed pretty unwarranted, IMO of course.

Joe, as usual you are right on point.

 

[Omega Monkey]

Then how are they going to afford to go on tour in the first place? Which is the whole problem the op has is that he just doesn't want to tour. If they can't go on tour he might as well just stay in the band.

 

[RoadRanger]

Then how are they going to afford to go on tour in the first place?

Everyone is supposed to be living in mommy's basement eating Ramen noodles to save up enough to pay to go on tour. Or if they have a decent job save up then quit as they are certain to "make it" on that first tour. Or as I said earlier have one or more rich kids on-board .

I know plenty of folks that did tours in their early 20's in a broke down van sleeping in it or on somebody's floor. Most look back fondly on those experiences but had to get real as they headed towards 30.

 

[EdO.]

I know plenty of folks that did tours in their early 20's in a broke down van sleeping in it or on somebody's floor. Most look back fondly on those experiences but had to get real as they headed towards 30.

Guilty as charged. Awesome generally great experience (as much of it as I can remember anyway...). Excellent learning experience, both personally and musically. Didn't make a lot of money but it paid the (minimal) expenses I had at the time. By age 23 I realized I was never going to be a Rock Star, gave up my Delusions of Grandeur, got a "real job ", and started my career as a weekend warrior. Ah, the Good Old Days...

 

[RoadRanger]

Guilty as charged. Awesome generally great experience (as much of it as I can remember anyway...). Excellent learning experience, both personally and musically. Didn't make a lot of money but it paid the (minimal) expenses I had at the time. By age 23 I realized I was never going to be a Rock Star, gave up my Delusions of Grandeur, got a "real job ", and started my career as a weekend warrior. Ah, the Good Old Days...

I'm told it's much worse than that now as far as money goes. And as I said you'll never get on as an opening act for a major act without at least paying your own expenses.

 

[EdO.]

I'm told it's much worse than that now as far as money goes. And as I said you'll never get on as an opening act for a major act without at least paying your own expenses.

I believe it. Tough enough to find regular gigs and that's with decades of experience. No idea how a younger low experience band gets up and rolling these days.