The music you describe might certainly narrow the field, but I suspect they aren't finding someone because they haven't been forced to. The easier road is to coerce you back into the band, so that is what they're doing. No surpise, just human nature. As others have said, help them find a new bassist and do everything you can to get him or her up to speed. In any event, don't feel guilty. This band isn't paying your bills, so just do what's best for you and your family.
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The music you describe might certainly narrow the field, but I suspect they aren't finding someone because they haven't been forced to. The easier road is to coerce you back into the band, so that is what they're doing. No surpise, just human nature. As others have said, help them find a new bassist and do everything you can to get him or her up to speed. In any event, don't feel guilty. This band isn't paying your bills, so just do what's best for you and your family.
First....can't find musicians in Austin? I thought that's all there was in Austin!
But back to reality here. There comes a point in a lot of our lives as musicians that we have to make the decision to effectively grow up, and give up the dream so to speak. If you can't pay the bills being a musician, a music educator, or some other related job in the field - time to do what's right for you and your family. This doesn't mean that you don't love music, or that you still can't play it for fun in a way that functions with your personal life. If the other guys are hell bent on making it, then god bless them. They should also be hell bent on struggling financially for a while.
I'm going to assume that you and the band are reasonably young, because that is typically when I've experienced the most backlash to quitting a band for personal reasons. The bottom line is that if you guys care about each other, then they will get over it and you'll be friends again. Sometimes that is lost on youth if you are in the moment though, because being in a band trying to make it is very much like having your own gang. It feels more personal at that point than it would if you are 30 or 40.
If touring isn't your thing, then it never will be short of having some rolling tour bus to the stars and a mound of cash. It sounds like that is very far off.
Tell them the truth, that you're ready to move on to a new phase of your life. Give them a reasonable notice to look for people to replace you. If they decide that they can't be friends with you because of this, then they were either ******** to begin with, or they are just young/immature. We've all been there.
But back to reality here. There comes a point in a lot of our lives as musicians that we have to make the decision to effectively grow up, and give up the dream so to speak. If you can't pay the bills being a musician, a music educator, or some other related job in the field - time to do what's right for you and your family. This doesn't mean that you don't love music, or that you still can't play it for fun in a way that functions with your personal life. If the other guys are hell bent on making it, then god bless them. They should also be hell bent on struggling financially for a while.
I'm going to assume that you and the band are reasonably young, because that is typically when I've experienced the most backlash to quitting a band for personal reasons. The bottom line is that if you guys care about each other, then they will get over it and you'll be friends again. Sometimes that is lost on youth if you are in the moment though, because being in a band trying to make it is very much like having your own gang. It feels more personal at that point than it would if you are 30 or 40.
If touring isn't your thing, then it never will be short of having some rolling tour bus to the stars and a mound of cash. It sounds like that is very far off.
Tell them the truth, that you're ready to move on to a new phase of your life. Give them a reasonable notice to look for people to replace you. If they decide that they can't be friends with you because of this, then they were either ******** to begin with, or they are just young/immature. We've all been there.
My experience with "touring" has meant spending a lot of time in vans and on couches. I'm too old for vans and couches other than my own. I don't mind saying no to that.
The Oracle of Sum Yung Ting says:
Life brings change.
Priorities adjust accordingly.
On the road the way is clear. No blame.
Life brings change.
Priorities adjust accordingly.
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buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
Priorities. They don't have to like it, but you have to do what you want. It sounds like you are handling it as professionally as possible.
Just like a job, you quit, and gave reasonable notice. Nothing more you can do. Set a date by when you are going.
Just like a job, you quit, and gave reasonable notice. Nothing more you can do. Set a date by when you are going.
Short answer is your right. Family FIRST. I've been down this road with bands who actually did get signed and were on big tours. I decided to stay home. Most toured for 6 months to a year. Then back in town doing gigs for whatever they could find.
If it doesn't feel right TO YOU, don't do it Best of luck to your friends and bandmates!
If it doesn't feel right TO YOU, don't do it Best of luck to your friends and bandmates!
1. There are no bass players. ANYWHERE. Not even on this forum.
2. They are about to make it BIG.
3. Jobs are just jobs. All they do is provide us with steady income.
I disagree with the consensus. You should do anything you can to continue making music with these soon-to-be legends of the biz. You will never be sorry. Not for one second of one minute of one hour of one quarter of one half of one day of one week of one month of one year of one millennia. You should quit the job; fire the drummer; buy a boat! and become a legend along with them.
Please send me $100.
2. They are about to make it BIG.
3. Jobs are just jobs. All they do is provide us with steady income.
I disagree with the consensus. You should do anything you can to continue making music with these soon-to-be legends of the biz. You will never be sorry. Not for one second of one minute of one hour of one quarter of one half of one day of one week of one month of one year of one millennia. You should quit the job; fire the drummer; buy a boat! and become a legend along with them.
Please send me $100.
So what do you actually make in terms of money? That is probably the deciding factor.
it's not human nature in my experience. when i've left bands, fellow bandmates might have been unhappy about it, and may have tried to convince me to stay, but not once did anyone try and guilt me into staying. when in one band the guitar player moved back to sweden to be with his family, none of us said "hey, we NEED you!" - we wanted him to have a happy life.
I personally know two BLs who torpedoed their own bands rather than deal with folks who didn't want to tour - that's a special kind of stoopid right there LOL.
I've been in basement bands (basically closed jams with setlists) where someone who'd been out of it for years developed to the point of finding an opportunity to join a gigging band and seen the others pissed at them - WTH, I'm always happy for them and maybe even proud of my small part in helping them get to that point
.
It's your life, you have to live it. Not them. At the end of the day, you are responsible for the next however many years you have left on this planet. You have to do what's right. Sure, they can be disappointed, but if they can't see past that and understand we all do what is right for us, then there's not much of a true friendship there.
It's a business in the end, not a marriage. There are a million bassists out there, they need to look harder, and surely one that can initially imitate what you started and eventually fill the role with their own style. You gotta do your thing.
Band's breaking up are a little like divorce's. Sometimes they are amiable and everyone remains friends, but most of the time there's some ugly to go through. Especially when you're all close friends. I've never regretted making home and hearth first, music thing second. You gotta do what you gotta do.
- Oct 7, 2000
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It sounds like you're doing something I finally learned to stop doing, that has caused me a lot of trouble in my life. In many attempts to be a nice guy and not "screw over" others, I've been unclear and uncertain in my decisions and in my communication. I've stuck around to help out, discussed possible alternatives, made deals, said maybe I could do it "if", and done countless other things as opposed to just saying, "Sorry guys. I need to make other things my priority. I'll play out the rest of my gigs, and then I'm done." Or whatever else is appropriate for the situation.
I've learned when I do that, people might be initially upset, but they get over it quickly. And we remain friends. When I hang around however trying to figure out ways to not hurt anyone (which I'm realizing too is more about me not wanting to hurt myself in some way), it always gets ugly.
I'd advise you to get clear on what you want to, and then tell them - and do it.
And if the tour is paying $100,000 have them hit me up. I promise I'll learn everything perfectly and not disappoint (unless it's a jazz gig
).
I've learned when I do that, people might be initially upset, but they get over it quickly. And we remain friends. When I hang around however trying to figure out ways to not hurt anyone (which I'm realizing too is more about me not wanting to hurt myself in some way), it always gets ugly.
I'd advise you to get clear on what you want to, and then tell them - and do it.
And if the tour is paying $100,000 have them hit me up. I promise I'll learn everything perfectly and not disappoint (unless it's a jazz gig
).
Sounds like a lazy BL or band mates. I can imagine it being a PITA to replace someone in an originals band, but not impossible, not in the Austin area.
Either way, to thine own self be true, especially if you have others depending on you to keep the wolf from y'alls door.
If your (soon to be) former band mates are true friends, they will forever rag you about giving up on the cusp of greatness. If OTOH they are petulent children content to blame you for their inability to roll with the punches and unwilling to put in the work to acheive their goals, your departure could well doom the project. In which case you saved yourself an inevitable ride to the bottom with a bunch of brats.
Hopefully it will be backstage passes and epic parties when they swing through town, but either way if you give ample notice, and perhaps help find a replacement, they only have themselves to blame if your departure stalls their momentum.
Either way, to thine own self be true, especially if you have others depending on you to keep the wolf from y'alls door.
If your (soon to be) former band mates are true friends, they will forever rag you about giving up on the cusp of greatness. If OTOH they are petulent children content to blame you for their inability to roll with the punches and unwilling to put in the work to acheive their goals, your departure could well doom the project. In which case you saved yourself an inevitable ride to the bottom with a bunch of brats.
Hopefully it will be backstage passes and epic parties when they swing through town, but either way if you give ample notice, and perhaps help find a replacement, they only have themselves to blame if your departure stalls their momentum.
Beat me to it! Yeah, sounds like the kindest thing to say right now is "sorry, I can't", repeated as necessary till they get it.
Another weekend warrior rant. Go to your little job and leave the gigs for working musicians who appreciate the opportunity.
If the band can't appreciate your feelings, your priorities and changes in your life then they aren't right for you. They need to respect you as a person before a musician. You told them what you need to do, gave them plenty of time to find a replacement and if they can't appreciate that then they aren't worth it.
- Oct 7, 2000
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Somebody not too happy with their current gig - or life?
That seemed pretty unwarranted, IMO of course.
