Ask when his band is playing so you can come and see "how it's done". That should shut him up. He sounds like a wannabe poser. 
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Dealing with unsolicited advice
- Thread starter markoc
- Start date
Point behind him and say "Whoa, Look at that!". When he turns back to you, be somewhere else.
ignore does no one any good.
Maybe this guy doesn't know he's an ass. Maybe he got participation trophies and had everyone telling him how special he was his entire life.
I think it is our duty to educate these people and introduce a does of reality into their fantasy lives..
In this situation, the correct course of action would be to reply - "you are an asshat. It is not right to be calling anyone fat, and unless you are asked - do not offer advice on topics you know nothing about. Go back to your mom's basement and think about what you did. Be sure to tip the your waitress before you leave."
+1
It's easy to be smart when typing in front of your PC... but in real life Joe's suggestion is the best one.
You may regret what you haven't said, but you may regret more what you ended up saying.
...even if in the specific case your "advicer" did not really deserve much respect. With his last comment, he just proved himself a real **##??.
Ciao, Domenico
Sounds like @markoc ran into what used to be called: a total bore. You'll find at least one anywhere alcohol is consumed. The guy whose old band "almost got signed once." Or who opened for ______ back in '79. Or who's "good friends" with so and so.
I've had clueless "pointers" directed at me or who I'm with (I've got cousins and nieces heavily into professional ballet) so often that I'm completely desensitized to it by now. These days I find comments people like the OP ran into booring rather than offensive.
I've since gotten good at getting out of unwanted conversations quickly without being rude about it.
I've had clueless "pointers" directed at me or who I'm with (I've got cousins and nieces heavily into professional ballet) so often that I'm completely desensitized to it by now. These days I find comments people like the OP ran into booring rather than offensive.
I've since gotten good at getting out of unwanted conversations quickly without being rude about it.
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How exactly do you do that? Do you just add "Sir" at the end or something?
I never waste snappy comebacks or wit on dunderheads. They won't get it and may possibly become enraged. Rather, the practice of kill 'em with kindness is how I deal with people like that. Things like thanks for that, or appreciate the feedback, all while smiling, just like Joe Nerve stated earlier. Then making for a hasty exit from the conversation.
I think it goes closer to the beginning, like You sir, are an idiot.
Funny! At least your advisor was very specific about things like sunglasses and losing weight. We used to laugh about the advice we frequently got from drunks that went like this:
Drunk guy: What you guys need to do is like.... go to New York City 'cause there's like record companies you know... and lots of recording people there and like... do a show where you know, there's like,.. lots of like record company guys you know... in the audience... and then like, play really good you know... and then get like a record deal. I mean... like... that's a good way and you'll get more famous doing it like that... .... .... you know?
Me: Whoa, that's a great idea. Definitely going to look into that. Can't believe I never thought of it.
Drunk guy: What you guys need to do is like.... go to New York City 'cause there's like record companies you know... and lots of recording people there and like... do a show where you know, there's like,.. lots of like record company guys you know... in the audience... and then like, play really good you know... and then get like a record deal. I mean... like... that's a good way and you'll get more famous doing it like that... .... .... you know?
Me: Whoa, that's a great idea. Definitely going to look into that. Can't believe I never thought of it.
While I agree with your good intentions, I try to avoid offering unsolicited advice, no matter how desperate I think someone may really need it. That is best left to someone in their immediate circle. And for some, they still won't get it even after a string of job firings, failed relationships, etc., etc. That old time tested technique of shunning can work wonders.
Whoops, I think I may have just offered unsolicited advice! But wait... I think that's okay here as there is a reply button, giving others permission to give advice.
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i get that too at gigs.
i also get that when i am training new bartenders where i work. i have been bartending for almost 20 years and am the guy who trains all the new bartenders. it never fails that there is a guy there who tries to "show me up" right in the middle of my training. it used to really bother me. but then i realized that they are insecure about my knowledge and they think that by cutting me down in front of, usually a pretty and young female, trainee, it makes them somehow feel better about themselves. now i just laugh and realize how small and insecure they are.....it actually makes me feel cool!
same goes with music when it happens now.
i also get that when i am training new bartenders where i work. i have been bartending for almost 20 years and am the guy who trains all the new bartenders. it never fails that there is a guy there who tries to "show me up" right in the middle of my training. it used to really bother me. but then i realized that they are insecure about my knowledge and they think that by cutting me down in front of, usually a pretty and young female, trainee, it makes them somehow feel better about themselves. now i just laugh and realize how small and insecure they are.....it actually makes me feel cool!
same goes with music when it happens now.
This. The world needs more honest straight-talking.
Like others, above, I just thank them for the suggestions and end the encounter quickly. I'm careful not to endorse anything they've said--risk of blowback, there*--but I see no point in _truthing_ them.**
* As in...drunk says the singer is fat. You say, "Yeah, got a little bit of muffin top." Drunk walks over to the singer and tells her you think she's fat.
** I've found it's unwise to tell a mouthy drunk he/she is a mouthy drunk. Futile, if it's intended as constructive feedback.
* As in...drunk says the singer is fat. You say, "Yeah, got a little bit of muffin top." Drunk walks over to the singer and tells her you think she's fat.
** I've found it's unwise to tell a mouthy drunk he/she is a mouthy drunk. Futile, if it's intended as constructive feedback.
Ric5
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- Jan 29, 2008
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- I like 5, 8, 10, and 12 string basses
Music is a business that does not reward talent, or hard work, or proper technique ...
there is a 99.99% chance you will never make no matter how good you are ... and if you do make it, then you will probably make less money, have a shorter life, and a broken family ...
play music for fun ... but get a career, trade, or profession to make money ...
And yes ... when you go to bars there will always be fools who think they are wise and want to impart their alcohol inspired wisdom to you ... Blow them off and go talk to someone else
There's a lot of simple ways to handle this. I try to just give a polite, but emphatically short, "ok, thanks" and get away from the conversation as quickly as possible. Kill 'em with kindness (sometimes spread with a little sarcasm).
It's kind of funny this topic comes up today as my band mates from one of my endeavors and I were just laughing about this the other day. Recently, we were able to get my best friend (who is a guitarist in another band, owns a very successful video and sound production studio) to start doing our sound in exchange for me doing sound for his band. Since we're been using his services, the critics seemed to have stopped bothering to us. I think it's the quality job (not really kidding) that he does for us. Oh, did I mention he's about 6'8, 350#, and looks like he should be performing on WWE?
"Thanks for your letting me know! BTW, are you playing with or manage anyone?"
Usually, you can hear the crickets at that point.
On occasion, they actually DO play and are just there to make themselves feel better that they AREN'T gigging that night (never met a management person with an attitude like that, yet)!
Usually, you can hear the crickets at that point.
On occasion, they actually DO play and are just there to make themselves feel better that they AREN'T gigging that night (never met a management person with an attitude like that, yet)!
We had a "turn down the snare in the PA" advise. Of coarse, we don't mic the snare. Oh well.....
