Dealing with unsolicited advice

[morgansterne]

Man, there's even a long list of successful singers who are or were a little overweight (or a lot). I could name the guy probably five off the top of my head.

 

[gln1955]

Dealing with idiots is just part of the job. Just like any other job. There's no winning these kind of encounters. Hit the ignore button and go about your business.

 

[JRA]

Most times I am super relaxed about it. "Thanks!" "That's GREAT!" "OH THANK YOU!" I shout, while furiously pumping their hand and smacking them lightly in the small of the back, making sure my foul breath is fixed upon their olfactory senses.

Sometimes I just punch them, but be warned: all punches should be rabbit punches in the kidney, held low and blocked from vision of others by other patrons' bodies. You could still get charged with assault, but it will be difficult to approve. If the idiot is packing, this could be your last night on earth.

 

[Gaolee]

Another one?? How many lotto winners are on TB??

All of us. We're all winners.

 

[FranF]

I've asked them where THEIR band was playing that night...

 

[jaymelewis]

I like to pretend that no matter what he's saying and no matter how hard he to tries to clarify, I just can't understand what he's saying. Some call it trolling, I call it "dealing with it." I like to respond with things like:

"I don't understand, please explain."

"I'm not sure what you mean." - this one is especially awesome when what he's saying is SUPER understandable.

"Oh I get what you're saying!" (Proceed to say the exact opposite of what he/she just said).

It keeps me entertained

 

[sambass]

Adele, Aretha, Meatloaf, Pavarotti.... yea fat people can never be successful singers

 

[buldog5151bass]

I nod and smile, and consider the source...

 

[superheavyfunk]

How do you guys deal with idiots?

Smile, nod, say "Thanks," and walk away.

There's no changing an idiot's mind. There's only stooping to their level, or not stooping to their level.

 

[JoeWPgh]

You are a musician. It is your job to listen to everything. From there, you are free to smile and cheerfully ignore stupid.

 

[SteveHeissner]

I love your story. Reminds me of the night a drunk came up to me and proclaimed, "You're a bass player. You only play 4 strings. Any a$$hole can play 4 strings. I play classical piano. That takes real skill unlike what you do."

I replied, "Four strings? I only play 2 of 'em. Haven't figured out how to play the other 2 yet." He looked surprised, then smiled and tried to buy me a shot of Whiskey. I politely declined.

 

[buldog5151bass]

One band I play in is jazz standards (trumpet, sax, keys, drums, bass - no vocals). We had a gig where an intoxicated woman came up and asked us if we played any Springsteen (remember, no rock, no vocals, no guitar). When we told her sadly, no we did not, she said "you guys are great, but if you played some Springsteen, you would be fantastic".

Again, just not and smile...

 

[SteveHeissner]

One band I play in is jazz standards (trumpet, sax, keys, drums, bass - no vocals). We had a gig where an intoxicated woman came up and asked us if we played any Springsteen (remember, no rock, no vocals, no guitar). When we told her sadly, no we did not, she said "you guys are great, but if you played some Springsteen, you would be fantastic".

Again, just not and smile...

"Yes, m'am, we do play Springsteen when he shows up. Sadly, he couldn't make it tonight. Maybe next time."

 

[Sixgunn]

Sounds like @markoc ran into what used to be called: a total bore. .

Did you mean boor?

 

[JRA]

markoc : what about your 'chops'...your hands? face-punching cannot possibly be good for your hands!

 

[Wesley R]

A long time ago some one ( as drunk as could be) came up to me and the drummer and started providing a ton of advice. Turns out he was the producer on a one hit wonder country song several decades ago. Every time we would play at this orchestrated/whore house/boxing ring ( fun place with many fights and loose women) this guy showed up at 10:00 and start talking to us about midnight. One night he explained he built the lighting system and felt bad we were not using it. I explained it was broke. The next week he had it apart and fixing it. Truly odd.

 

[JRA]

A long time ago some one ( as drunk as could be) came up to me and the drummer and started providing a ton of advice. Turns out he was the producer on a one hit wonder country song several decades ago. Every time we would play at this orchestrated/whore house/boxing ring ( fun place with many fights and loose women) this guy showed up at 10:00 and start talking to us about midnight. One night he explained he built the lighting system and felt bad we were not using it. I explained it was broke. The next week he had it apart and fixing it. Truly odd.

proving once again: not every drunk is an idiot! the reverse is also true, IME.

 

[Sixgunn]

I usually just fart.

 

[lbbc]

I just tell them "thanks for your input, but we are happy the way we are" and walk away.

 

[PullThePlug]

Morons are part of the gigging experience. I find it to be fun though, because you'll experience things that you'll never see elsewhere. My favorite was the sound guy who kept a PB&J on a french or sourdough roll, and ate it intermittently from his shirt pocket. No napkins, bags, or any protection between fabric and sandwich. He was a nice guy, just not bright... But he knew how to do sound very well.