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Do good cheap tort pickguards exist?

At the moment my P bass has a dark pickguard on it that looks a bit to 'Tokai Hard Puncher' for my tastes.

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Not the worst I've seen (the tort effect isn't a tiled raster image, for example).

I actually quite like that guard.... not because of it being vintage-y.... but like you mention, reminiscent of an old Tokai. Mind if I ask where you got it ?
 
I actually like some of the new modern tort, either the brown or red variety.

It has its own beauty. I've been checking out the guards that are coming out on the new Squier CVs, and I think it looks quite good - definitely a step up from the Cort Tort and the brown marble poo of the Chinese CVs.

I have a strat guard with the same kind of tort as this one, maybe a little less differentiated and cloudy:
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As for this one, I think it shares a lot of elements of vintage tort, and certainly looks nice enough for my tastes:

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Yes there are, plus in my opinion expensive pickguards are insanely expensive because of the brand that they carry. Basic marketting lesson: Brand is the power to sell the same/similar product for higher prices. Fender is good at marketing.
 
Other than being violently flammable, celluloid has another problem: it shrinks. Main cause of all those old strats and p basses with tort guards cracked at the screw holes. Looks great though! I like the darker brown tort, the red looks too garish,
Indeed. In fact if one has a vintage celluloid guard that temporarily isn't on a bass, it should be screwed to a piece of wood or similar to keep the guard able to be used, or you may find it doesn't reach the screw holes anymore.
 
I actually quite like that guard.... not because of it being vintage-y.... but like you mention, reminiscent of an old Tokai. Mind if I ask where you got it ?

Sure, it was one of these: Dark Brown Precision Bass Pickguard Tortoise Shell Appearance 3 Ply | eBay

The difference between the pictures in the advert and what I have are quite something!

Yes there are, plus in my opinion expensive pickguards are insanely expensive because of the brand that they carry.

Spitfire is the most expensive brand, and is expensive because of they offer an exclusive product that is seen to be more period correct, both in terms of construction and appearance, than the other options available. Fender and WD Music make tort pickguards, but they don't generally look like '60s originals.

Where is there a less expensive source for actual celluloid guards?

There is one Ebay vendor in Singapore who claims to make celluloid 'guards. I had a repro celluloid 'guard off Basschat that was pretty cheap and looked pretty good. It also had that camphor/Italian herbs smell to it. A user on BC was selling these pickguards for a while but all traces of this seem to have vanished.

I know the spitfires are expensive but totally worth it when you want the look! I was very happy with my heavy relic.

I'm not down for paying good money for a pre-broken pickguard. Beyond that the tort effect looks stunning.