Do you consider your bandmates as friends?

[Kevan Campbell]

It's never wasted to put good vibes forward and to support musicians that you play with. Could be a great networking opportunity, could be a good excuse to get out of the house for a bit, and who knows...you may even have fun!

Some groups I play with I'll hang out with the members outside of shows, and some of them I won't. Entirely depends upon the group and social dynamics within it.

 

[bobba66]

Everything was cool until I met this chick named Yoko......

 

[Tom Baker]

I'm the type of person that prefers solitude if I'm not actively engaged in an activity for a specific purpose. Basically, I don't hang out. I'm friendly with the people I play with and sometimes chat with them on hangouts but I'm not a big socializer. That being said I would probably go to a bandmates birthday party if invited. It's easy to do and you don't have to stay the whole time. Sometimes a brief appearance and some well wishes is enough.

 

[gorneyg]

Keyboard player is my brother. Drummer is his son...my nephew. Guitar player I've know for 30 years.
Kinda friends.

 

[Mr.Ace]

Call in sick. Advise from a reformed introvert. I would probably go. I've actually learned to enjoy awkward, weird, or even weirdly normal social gatherings. But, a good excuse is actually pretty polite, and totally acceptable. Nobody wants contagions emanating at party.

 

[Mr.Ace]

Friends enough. But more like business partners.

+1

 

[pwhalen]

Have known the drummer and guitars in the band for over 30 years each. Had a band house for a few years in an old original material version twentysome years ago. At one point, we switched out one of the guitarists (have known the replacement 32 years as well). Our singer is kinda new, we've only known her about six years, and definitely are friends (we are all traveling for her wedding this fall). In other bands/projects over the years sometimes didn't hang out with the members, but some of that was due to distance.

Even though you aren't necessarily friends with your current group, I'd go to the party. You don't have to be friends, but you should be friendly - and that probably means stopping by a party you were invited to for a little bit.

 

[IamGroot]

Music first. If the person can hang musically, then maybe friendship can follow. I guess many Americans have a hard time understanding that, but in Germany and Russia, things are different (or at least they were). Coworkers do not equal friends.

Russians do not turn coworkers into friends until experience proves they are worth that friendship. Vodka follow in mnay cases. Russians regard Americans as untrustworthy because they smile at people they just met.

In Germany, when you decide to make a coworker a close friend, you go through a little ceremony (dutzen) so you call each other "you" informally instead of formally. I am older, maybe things are different now.

PS..I was born in the US.

 

[Pedulla-Player]

Made that mistake once... Part of the reason that I retired from playing in bands is that I did think my band mates were my friends. And then they (to put it politely) pooched me over big time.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

One of my bandmates was the best man, at my wedding, another is my neighbor who I was friends with before we formed, who by the way is 20 years older than the rest of us and we still hang out.

I presume two of my former bandmates were quite friendly given that they got married

 

[-Asdfgh-]

Music first. If the person can hang musically, then maybe friendship can follow. I guess many Americans have a hard time understanding that, but in Germany and Russia, things are different (or at least they were). Coworkers do not equal friends.

Russians do not turn coworkers into friends until experience proves they are worth that friendship. Vodka follow in mnay cases. Russians regard Americans as untrustworthy because they smile at people they just met.

In Germany, when you decide to make a coworker a close friend, you go through a little ceremony (dutzen) so you call each other "you" informally instead of formally. I am older, maybe things are different now.

PS..I was born in the US.

I've heard of being married to the job..

 

[lermgalieu]

If you think about it, it could very well be the case that you are being invited so YOU don't feel left out. I would go if you think they really expect you to come, but skip it otherwise. Better not to go than to be that guy in the corner looking pissed off (I know, because that's me even at parties my actual friend throw).

 

[TheReceder]

I had a friend once... but he was a drummer... my mom said I shouldn't hang out with people like that.

 

[B-Mac]

Go, have fun. You're the newbie. You replaced someone who was older and with the band for a while. It's great that you were invited. Relax. Maybe they have younger friends you haven't met yet. Maybe they have other music contacts that you might enjoy hanging with. Go, get rude and spill beer...relax and have a blast!

 

[Charlzm]

I have a bandmate's birthday party upcoming and I'm dreading it. We're not the same generation. We're not in the same stage in life. We have a completely different musical background. Point blank, we basically have nothing in common.

I've been in the band less than a year. The band has been together a lot longer, but gone through a major change when replacing their last bass player with yours truly. I'm obligated to go to this birthday party, but I really don't want to.

Would you feel the same way? Or are you good friends with your bandmates?

Go to the party. Maybe you'll have a good time. Maybe not. But like Wayne Gretzky supposedly said, "You miss 100% of all the shots you don't take."

 

[tedious1]

Always. In the rare instances when that hasn't been the case I wasn't in the band long. Bandmates are my brothers.

Amen Reverend.

Hell, our first bass player, fired twice from the band, was invited and is coming to my wedding. He's not in the band, hasn't been for awhile, I don't want him in the band, and I doubt I'd play with him in another band. Just because he ain't involved in the family business don't mean he ain't family!

As far as the OP, I find it very telling that he doesn't acknowledge the band itself, or any of the shared experiences since he joined as "something in common." It's one thing to recognize the generation gap, and account for it, or make allowances for it. It's a completely different kettle of fish if you're just seizing on it as an excuse or pretext for not making a even a minimal effort.

EDIT: Frankly, the idea of not being close to my band is abhorrent, I cubicle farm for a living, I don't want my band to be more cubicle farming, and that's what it would be to me.

 

[Bassmann79]

Nope!

 

[sowilson]

I would go, say hi, mingle for awhile, and if the vibe is good stay, otherwise leave. I'm always freindly with my band mates but only have a few that are very good, life long, friends.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

I have a bandmate's birthday party upcoming and I'm dreading it. We're not the same generation. We're not in the same stage in life. We have a completely different musical background. Point blank, we basically have nothing in common.

I've been in the band less than a year. The band has been together a lot longer, but gone through a major change when replacing their last bass player with yours truly. I'm obligated to go to this birthday party, but I really don't want to.

Would you feel the same way? Or are you good friends with your bandmates?

Even players I'm not "friends with". I would have no problem hanging with them. Music is difficult enough without the added stressors of dealing with people that don't get along. As for the generation gap, if they are younger, root them on because it's going to be them running the world and you better get used to it. If they are older, shut up, you just may learn something.

 

[EdwardofHuncote]

One band I play in, yes absolutely - best of friends. The other, friendly - but just business partners. Never had a disagreement in either one over something personal.

I've been in other situations though.