• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Do you consider your bandmates as friends?

Do you consider your bandmates your friends?

  • Yes, we would/do hang outside of our band

    Votes: 320 70.3%

  • No, we wouldn’t hang if we didn’t play music together

    Votes: 135 29.7%
  • Total voters
    455
#181
Not in a band right now but, I try to avoid socializing with people I 'work with', so if something happens that you disagree with, or is said that you can't move past - band over. If its family or friends, you usually find away to move on, if you don't consider them friends - its not worth it.

I will do anything for the people I work with, but socializing - its the wife, immediate family, and the dogs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: alaskaleftybass
#182
Hevy T said:
I need to get along with people I play with.

But do I hang out with people I play with? No I don't hell I dont even hang out with my closest friends! I am strictly work and home kinda guy. I will sometimes have coffee, or help them with things, but I am way to introverted to hangout with anyone but my wife and dogs :)
Click to expand...
OMG This is almost verbatim my reply. My wife is my best friend and so is my dog. I play with some pretty respectable and well liked in the community musicians but I don't text them, barely email them, hardly see them.

Same at work. I have work acquaintances but don't go to department parties unless it's someone I really like. There are a few at work I like a lot and it would bother them if I didn't show up. A while back I had a milestone anniversary at work and the then administrator (who I disliked very much) was supposed to present me with a certificate. I didn't show up, I was working on a staff computer issue. I took the certificate and filed it away in my small file cabinet. Along with some really old computer catalogs.

My idea of a party is spending the evening with wife and dog quietly together watching a movie or having a nice dinner. 30 years ago I might have had close friends in the bands I was in but not anymore. And often so called "friends" will screw you, fire you, replace you, in the name of "business." No thanks.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Heiwa, Jim622 and IamGroot
#183
Well, my current band that I call "my band" are my best friends. However, I've played in bands In which I was not so close to all of the members. I'm good friends with most though. In some, I'm the hired gun.
 
#185
First of all: It's not my intention to offend anyone..

I'm a kind of introvert guy but I really can't understand how people can't socialize outside wife/husband and/or close family...Maybe it's a cultural treat.. I'm spaniard and we are kind of social and friendly people by nature... I don't considere my work partners as close friends, but I can hang out with them once in a while to eat something I they ask me to do it... I don't consider my singing teacher a friend , but I can go with him to drink a beer and talk about the scene or music..

I can stay at home and watch some movies too if I don't feel in the mood to get out there... but I don't avoid social interactions with people who aren't in my close circle..

When you're playing in a band , in my country , It's expected from you to hang out with your bandmates from time to time...I guess it's something that comes naturally.. you spend time with them and some kind of link is created.. It's not mandatory to be close friends with your bandmates but it's expected from you to be friendly...
 
#186
HotelX said:
Sure. I don't play with people I don't like.
Click to expand...

Kitsapbass said:
The bandleader of the band I'm in was the best man in my wedding. I've known him for 7 plus years now. I'd take a bullet for him, or any of the other members. At this point, we're like family.
Click to expand...

Reading through these two responses close on each others' heels illustrates for me how problematic a term "friends" is. I have liked everyone, or just about everyone, I've been in a band with. If the threshold of friendship is just to get along and be able to crack a joke with them, sure, we're all friends. If bandmates being your "friends" means you're all family that are ready to take a bullet for each other, then I can hardly think of anyone I've been in a band with that was that close.
 
#189
hrodbert696 said:
Reading through these two responses close on each others' heels illustrates for me how problematic a term "friends" is. I have liked everyone, or just about everyone, I've been in a band with. If the threshold of friendship is just to get along and be able to crack a joke with them, sure, we're all friends. If bandmates being your "friends" means you're all family that are ready to take a bullet for each other, then I can hardly think of anyone I've been in a band with that was that close.
Click to expand...

Yes, this thread did get me thinking about what i consider friends. For me friendship is potentially a very light relationship, much like you described, where we simply get along and do some sort of activity together. Folks at work i consider friends, even if i don't do much with them outside of work. It's funny, because i think some folks define friendship as some sort of deeper bond. I had those sorts of friendships when i was younger, but as i get older they are few and far between. I actually avoid friends that want that sort of thing because they tend to want to hold you accountable to a certain level of loyalty and duty, but i really don't have time for that right now. Maybe if i wasn't married i might feel differently.
 
  • Like
Reactions: hrodbert696
#191
Nope, In bar and cover bands I treat every band member like people at my day job. We work really well together but don't hang on off days.
It makes the business of replacing and/or adding musicians easier if there is no best buddy connections to deal with the change. I like most of my band mates and would hang occasionally if asked but that doesn't happen often.
I'd hang with our hot chick singer all the time but she's married so, still no.
 
#192
BassAndReeds said:
I have a bandmate's birthday party upcoming and I'm dreading it. We're not the same generation. We're not in the same stage in life. We have a completely different musical background. Point blank, we basically have nothing in common.

I've been in the band less than a year. The band has been together a lot longer, but gone through a major change when replacing their last bass player with yours truly. I'm obligated to go to this birthday party, but I really don't want to.

Would you feel the same way? Or are you good friends with your bandmates?
Click to expand...
Been with my bandmates 35+ years (the core of drums, guitar/singer, and myself with lead guitarists staying 3-10 years-and counting). We'd better be friends; this band has lasted longer than a lot of marriages!
 
  • Like
Reactions: BassAndReeds
#193
I got married this year and sadly lost my mother too.. One of my bandmates, who is my best mate, was best man at the wedding. Both guys helped carry my mums coffin in and out of the church at her funeral.. Couldn't ask for better lads to play with.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Oddly
#194
of course people mean the term "friends" in different ways. I think of my friends as being in different orbits. some are really just friendly acquaintances I see once in a while. They are in a far out orbit from my life. Other friends, we text, we talk, we see each other routinely. they are in a much closer orbit. Others are in orbits somewhere in between.

I think it's good to be on friendly terms with people in the band. And its ok if you are really close friends with one or two people you work with in a band, but I think too close of a personal relationship can complicate any business relationship and, to me, a band is a business effort. I'd rather have great musicians working with me who are responsible and mature and are friendly with me than to mix up the band issues with friendships - "how could you do that to me!" It can ruin things. Its the same reason it's a bad idea to date people you work with (in many cases).

I certainly enjoy friendly people in a band with me more than douchebags. but I don't need to be personal friends with bandmates.
 
#195
This is a subject I think on a lot!

The past couple of bands I've been in have been with people that don't seem to want that sort of friendship. My most recent one, the dudes never even wanna grab a drink after practice!

I'm still good friends with a drummer from a prior band, and I've recently visited him in another country (he moved!) and had a blast. We're within about 10 years of age from one another though, so there's not like....a huge generational gap.

It definitely depends on the bandmates, but if I'm not outside-the-band friends, I wouldn't feel obligated to go to any parties for them.
 
#196
been in over 100 different bands, just about every one I was friends with all the members. there were a few exceptions, drug users and heavy drinkers not so much. not too keen on big egos either. but as a rule, friends. go to the party, have some fun. it can't hurt.
 
#197
Friends? No.
Family? Yes.

From what I've seen, here and in all the locals in my area, it seems to be pretty rare. I feel insanely fortunate that the guys in my band are indeed truly like family. Outside of the band thing, we all get together when we can; just hang out at someone's home, go out to shows, even do escape rooms. All of our respective wives and kids get along...it's pretty great. Down the road, if/when we stop being American Television, we all know we'll be there for each other until we're dead.
 
#198
Good question. Yes , I really like my band mates in one band, we talk but don't hang out for fun. The other one.....I just recently discovered that after a year , we had peaked and it was because of work ethics issues. Two great friends in the band. We still are. The other two not so much. The last thing you want to do is shine a light on that old work ethic subject. So .... I'm looking again. LOL.
 
#200
biguglyman said:
Generally speaking I try to be friends with bandmates. That being said, current band BL is a guy I've played with on and off for over twenty years. The "offs" are because he's an a-hole and I can only put up with him for so long before he pisses me off to the point where I'll quit. Approaching that point again soon... I still consider him a friend but I can only take so much of him in a band environment. We actually don't get gigs at certain places in town because he's pissed off the bar owners over the years. He's a hell of a musician though.
Click to expand...
I know the type, such a shame when someone super talented can't play with anyone cause there dicks.
 
  • Like
Reactions: biguglyman

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back