Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

[shadowtippy]

$5,000/day? Sign me up, only I'm way too old.
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That sounds easy enough. Why didn't I think of that when I was young?

 

[ArtechnikA]

Bass Player Wanted for Heavy Progessive Original Band
We create dynamic, fairly complex, original music. We have a very talented female singer. The music can be heavy at times, and then move into keyboard interludes. We have two guitar players--an 8 string and a 7 string, so an extended range bass is essential (preferably 6 string bass). We have 40-60 minutes of music and constantly writing. We have a growing fan base, especially overseas, and will be gigging by Spring. First gig is set for April (last bass player has agreed to play the gig if we don't have a replacement up to speed by then), and we intend to gig about once a month through the summer.

followed immediately by:

Wanted: Female Vocalist/Lyricist for Original Project
We are an all original progressive hard rock project with only one piece missing--female front. We're looking for a versatile singer with extended range, preferably in the soprano range. Also, should be good with writing vocal melodies and lyrics. We currently have 6 complete songs musically just waiting for vocals (our previous vocalist completed the songs, but, we are looking to have the new vocalist redo lyrics/vocal melodies). We have already played live to great feedback on the material and have booking just waiting to add us to shows with the possibility of moving to festivals very quickly.

Yes, I'm sure it's the same group. So there is only one piece missing - female front and bass. No, wait, only _two_ pieces missing - female front, bass, and someone who knows April has come and gone. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

This is actually the prog band I "may or may not" be in. They've managed to hold exactly one practice since I first contacted them beginning of June. They're still running the bassist ad and have every week since I played that first practice - I don't have warm fuzzy feelings about how this is going... I called them on it and they said "we're talking to other people and you must be looking too or you wouldn't have seen the ad..." Not true, I was looking to see if they'd actually listed the vocalist position to get an idea of if they were ever going to go anywhere. Today, 3 weeks later, I see they finally did. I wonder who will blink first - me or them - it's kind of a game now. I don't mind them still looking but I wish they'd been straight about it, especially since they seem pretty touchy about wanting _me_ concentrating on _them_.

 

[buldog5151bass]

followed immediately by:

Yes, I'm sure it's the same group. So there is only one piece missing - female front and bass. No, wait, only _two_ pieces missing - female front, bass, and someone who knows April has come and gone. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

This is actually the prog band I "may or may not" be in. They've managed to hold exactly one practice since I first contacted them beginning of June. They're still running the bassist ad and have every week since I played that first practice - I don't have warm fuzzy feelings about how this is going... I called them on it and they said "we're talking to other people and you must be looking too or you wouldn't have seen the ad..." Not true, I was looking to see if they'd actually listed the vocalist position to get an idea of if they were ever going to go anywhere. Today, 3 weeks later, I see they finally did. I wonder who will blink first - me or them - it's kind of a game now. I don't mind them still looking but I wish they'd been straight about it, especially since they seem pretty touchy about wanting _me_ concentrating on _them_.

Oh, come on. How many hard rock original projects can their be in your geographic area with a female front and extended range guitars???

 

[mc900ftj]

$5,000/day? Sign me up, only I'm way too old.
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I am also a big fan of "my chelical romance". They are amazingly awesole!

 

[mc900ftj]

I have to chuckle every time I see a Craigslist ad
Iike this. I doubt the poster gets the humor of the subject text!

 

[DJS]

This has been posted daily for a number of weeks. No, I did not remove any formatting, the ad is this huge wall of text.

Project4SolidBassistThatCanReadMusic-Rock,Funk,Reggae,Electro,Hiphop (Rochester NY)

I am a lead / rhythm guitarist / lyricist / vocalist and I have a project lumped in a pile of charts over twenty one years that should have no problem breaking into serious financial net worth ( very significant $, I invite you to assess and confirm......you will not be disappointed) based on comparison to the work of Trey Anastasio from Phish who's net worth as of sometime over the past year and half was 15 million (saw it in an article at some point). It will also add new spin to the scene since my musical background and output is quite different. My material is a vast original catalog of approximately 50 songs copyrighted with the Library of Congress and I have already spent years touring New York State with original music. This is a large amount of avant-garde progressive material with heavy harmony & voice leading and rhythmic content. I studied with jazz legends Donald Byrd and Joshua Redman through Cornell University but my music has no swing in it (with the exception of one isolated . Please contact me.

Wow, from my hometown. I had to look up a video to see who this guy was, but don't recognize him. A dose of humility and reality might be helpful traits. Here he is in 2008 with Stone Spoon Baboon.

 

[kcole4001]

Digging the bass tone.

Guitar dude needs some verb, better tone, less noodling, and more practice.
I could do that!
That song aint finished.

 

[TolerancEJ]

Noticed this in my local CL today. I thought it was funny, so here we go...

WANTED: Sexy Bass Player

"WANTED: Sexy Bass Player

Must be able to point, pout, Play one string, and look damn good doing it in tight clothing.

Should have rhythm, but bringing the funk is not necessary.

Own bass and gear required.

Serious inquires only.

reply with pictures and links if you got em.

influences: Avenged Sevenfold, Hardcore Superstar, Crashdiet, Metallica, Motley Crue, Skid Row etc."

 

[Obese Chess]

Oh, come on. How many hard rock original projects can their be in your geographic area with a female front and extended range guitars???

I can think of three where I am. That's kinda weird.

 

[buldog5151bass]

I can think of three where I am. That's kinda weird.

Yeah - that is... Must be the water.

 

[Philonius]

I kind'a liked this one:

Need drummers for pretty weird gig (Seattle)


I need a couple of drummers (kit) for a gig on 11/13 at a chapel in Wallingford. There will be a few other drummers, and about 15 musicians going nuts on other instruments at the same time, so really any style, speed, intensity, genre, whatever (just please no double-kicks, but that's purely a personal bias). Just have at it when you get the cue to start, stop when you get the cue to stop; there will be a lot of both. Doesn't pay. But there are no rehearsals, and it gives you the opportunity bang the poopie out your drums in a really awesome-sounding venue at a really wild concert. Hit me up for details.

 

[Kustom_Thunder]

I kind'a liked this one:

Need drummers for pretty weird gig (Seattle)


I need a couple of drummers (kit) for a gig on 11/13 at a chapel in Wallingford. There will be a few other drummers, and about 15 musicians going nuts on other instruments at the same time, so really any style, speed, intensity, genre, whatever (just please no double-kicks, but that's purely a personal bias). Just have at it when you get the cue to start, stop when you get the cue to stop; there will be a lot of both. Doesn't pay. But there are no rehearsals, and it gives you the opportunity bang the poopie out your drums in a really awesome-sounding venue at a really wild concert. Hit me up for details.

Ok then

 

[buldog5151bass]

At least he's honest about it.

 

[nashvillebill]

Here you go. A guitar for $200. No picture, no description, nothing, nada. [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Then we have this "one of a kind guitar" for $2000

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Let's see, it was "broken", someone gave it to you, you fixed it, and now it's worth 2 grand? Put down the crack pipe dude.

 

[Jamvan]

Now this one isn't really dumb as it is shear genius!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"Yes, you can own this gem. Make an offer today. I recently received this guitar in a case I purchased. Wow, I was amazed. This truly is a must have. After very thorough research, I discovered that this guitar was built by Gibson, and Fender in Japan in the early eighties. In fact, the gigbag it will arrive in has a stain. Yep, a stain left by the one and only, Jon Bon Jovi. A letter of authenticity will be provided. Tonepros Hardware, Grover Tuners, and a one of a kind Floyd Rose Trem. Speaker is a JBL, powered by a 500 watt self contained amplifier, EMG pups. This is what every player needs. Sadly, the whammy bar was stolen, as well as the clip that keeps the battery cover down. Beauty of it is, I had Zakk Wylde fabricate a super cool device to hold the door down, funtions well. Quite frankly, I think he is the one who stole the whammy bar. Do not be afraid to make an offer, for truly this is the Guitar of the Gods. Oh, the reflection of the NOSE on the Floyd is actually Zakk Wylde himself!!!"

 

[Gaolee]

I kind'a liked this one:

Need drummers for pretty weird gig (Seattle)


I need a couple of drummers (kit) for a gig on 11/13 at a chapel in Wallingford. There will be a few other drummers, and about 15 musicians going nuts on other instruments at the same time, so really any style, speed, intensity, genre, whatever (just please no double-kicks, but that's purely a personal bias). Just have at it when you get the cue to start, stop when you get the cue to stop; there will be a lot of both. Doesn't pay. But there are no rehearsals, and it gives you the opportunity bang the poopie out your drums in a really awesome-sounding venue at a really wild concert. Hit me up for details.

I saw that one and almost replied. It would be awful sounding, but it's close to the house and I know the venue. But, I had something better to do - pounding drums with a couple friends playing actual songs.

 

[Philonius]

Glue in some stainless inserts and use machine screws. Plus the inserts will add extra mass under the bridge.

I saw that one and almost replied. It would be awful sounding, but it's close to the house and I know the venue. But, I had something better to do - pounding drums with a couple friends playing actual songs.

It would almost be worth going to. Bring earplugs.

 

[Jim Nazium]

Lots of good stuff in this ad. My favorite part is that his wife is going to "help" with stage presence and choreography (emphasis added). I can't wait to go to a rehearsal and have the drummer's wife telling me what to wear and how to move on stage.


"In search of skilled bass player to join a new band

What: In search of a seasoned / skilled: lead guitarist, bassist, female vocalist, male vocalist, and keyboardist to start a new group that will become something great that does not require much of your time! Practices will be 2 - 3 times a month, with homework assignments in-between to keep seasoned and learn new material.

I have a practice space in Germantown, MD and a PA system. Practices will also be fun with food, drinks, and, candles to set the mood.

The music: The band will cover the best of the 80's, 90's, and Today! Dance * Rock * Pop * Country * Funk * Disco * All Eras - All Styles! All songs will be good recognizable and bar/club pleasing songs! This band will be win-win because the music we play will please everyone and should get us lots of gigs!

About me: I am a drummer with a ton of band experience going back to the late 80's and have been in tons of bands throughout the years. My wife has the knack for what looks good on stage and will help with the band presence and choreography! Between the two of us, we are looking to stat something great! You can contact me at or you can check my drumming page out on Facebook at: Craig 'CAPS' Pardini

What is next: Must have PRO GEAR/great dexterity/dynamics/attention to detail/positive attitude/work well with others to be considered! Must have experience playing in bands and a high skill level for consideration. If you or someone that you know are interested, please contact me and be able to supply a demo / sound clip of your playing. You also need to be cool and fun to be around! I am looking to have all new members come in after the first of the year and have a meet and jam. We will learn 5-10 songs as homework prior to the first meet and jam and everyone will get together for the first time and see how things go. If it works out, we will be a new band and working on landing our first gig!"

 

[8_finger]

One really, really special from B-more
WARNING: Explicit language below (I edited profanity as per forum rules):
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GOD D**N GUITARIST LOOKING FOR MUSICIANS F**


TRYING TO START A F***ING HARD F***ING ROCK BAND.
HOW HARD CAN IT BE
DO YOU LIKE MUSIC?
REPLY TO THIS F***ING AD
DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT
(And yes I'm accepting mayonnaise too)
REPLY TO THIS F***ING AD
DO YOU LIKE PERFORMING TO GROUPS OF PEOPLE?
REPLY TO MY AD
Do you smell like ass?
REPLY
WHERE THE F*** ARE YOU PEOPLE

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

Practices will also be fun with food, drinks, and, candles to set the mood.

Perfect! Can't imagine a rehearsal without candles to set the mood.
And you don't even have to find you Bic to fire one up.