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Dumb Craig's List Ads pt 3, now with brighter whiter dumb!
- Thread starter My name is Mudd
- Start date
- Status
Attention Raleigh North Carolina Music Scene! (Raleigh, Durham, Ch Hill)
Date: 2010-10-11, 8:44PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Please welcome the greatest band that ever lived, and the Triangle's latest sensation - Johnny Meat and His Potatoes! It's not just Johnny Meat's tattoos! -- Nor is it just the fact that Johnny Meat and His Potatoes play music better than any other musicians. The reason Johnny and the boys have become such a success, is because Johnny Meat has the look, Johnny Meat has the image, and Johnny Meat has his Potatoes. It's no wonder Johnny and the boys are sought out by all the coolest indie rock record label executives! But don't you all go running out just yet to your friendly neighborhood CD store to buy Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' latest recording.
See? ... Johnny and Band just relocated to the Triangle from Houston, Texas. While most of you don't even plan to take a bath, Johnny Meat PLANNED for stardom, wealth, and success! Johnny Meat and His Potatoes realize that the worst career move that Johnny could take right now would be to actually go out and play the highest paying live gigs around the Triangle. Think about it like this: There are dozens of "bands" and "groups" playing out live all over the Triangle every weekend, and none of them ever get anywhere. Why is that? Sure - they have no talent - that's a given. But the real reason they don't matter is because they lack Johnny Meat's superior genius for music. Furthermore, Johnny Meat possesses a far reaching Vision given directly to him by God! Johnny Meat and His Potatoes wants all you out there to understand that if you think for one minute that you're going to show up at some dirty hole in the wall club in downtown Raleigh and waste the band's time, energies, and talents while they "give it their all" for a bunch of losers who are there only to steal Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' material ... . Well...Do you all get it? Is this getting through to you?
Listen and learn ... When the other singers, guitar players, and female GaGas are trying to pay for their storage area lockouts - you know the types - Blooz Bands playing da-da-da-da-da ba da da, di di di di di di di da da, and the rest of that same 3 chord crap they stole off of a bad CD set up in front of 16 pool tables - 32 hillbillies with bad teeth, not to mention forty years behind the times "Southern Rock" Rebel Flag drop cloth hung on the wall behind your fat pig beerbellies routine blah blah blah ... Well...you get the picture, because that definitely ain't Johnny Meat and His Potatoes!
If you're still "too slow", then let me try and explain it again ... Johnny Meat equals ART. His Potatoes equal ART. Plain and simple. Way too good to consider playing for nickels and dimes like some fifth rate cover band that puts on eye makeup just to play a skank sorority house .... well, hopefully now you get the picture.
And let's get one more thing straight right now - If you think for minute that Johnny Meat is going to invite you all who're reading this to his exclusive MySpace page or his specially designed custom band website, THINK AGAIN! Johnny and the boys ain't about to let any of you log on a computer and try and steal their looks and music for yourselves. You can all just forget it!
So all of the real booking agents and managers out there who are ready to start talking real serious music business, sign us up for our first recording contract, and start booking Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' upcoming world tour, click on the link and shoot me a message.
To enable Johnny to weed out spam emails, please type in the heading box
"Johnny Meat and His Potatoes rules Raleigh's Music Scene!"
* Location: Raleigh, Durham, Ch Hill
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2001374987
Date: 2010-10-11, 8:44PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Please welcome the greatest band that ever lived, and the Triangle's latest sensation - Johnny Meat and His Potatoes! It's not just Johnny Meat's tattoos! -- Nor is it just the fact that Johnny Meat and His Potatoes play music better than any other musicians. The reason Johnny and the boys have become such a success, is because Johnny Meat has the look, Johnny Meat has the image, and Johnny Meat has his Potatoes. It's no wonder Johnny and the boys are sought out by all the coolest indie rock record label executives! But don't you all go running out just yet to your friendly neighborhood CD store to buy Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' latest recording.
See? ... Johnny and Band just relocated to the Triangle from Houston, Texas. While most of you don't even plan to take a bath, Johnny Meat PLANNED for stardom, wealth, and success! Johnny Meat and His Potatoes realize that the worst career move that Johnny could take right now would be to actually go out and play the highest paying live gigs around the Triangle. Think about it like this: There are dozens of "bands" and "groups" playing out live all over the Triangle every weekend, and none of them ever get anywhere. Why is that? Sure - they have no talent - that's a given. But the real reason they don't matter is because they lack Johnny Meat's superior genius for music. Furthermore, Johnny Meat possesses a far reaching Vision given directly to him by God! Johnny Meat and His Potatoes wants all you out there to understand that if you think for one minute that you're going to show up at some dirty hole in the wall club in downtown Raleigh and waste the band's time, energies, and talents while they "give it their all" for a bunch of losers who are there only to steal Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' material ... . Well...Do you all get it? Is this getting through to you?
Listen and learn ... When the other singers, guitar players, and female GaGas are trying to pay for their storage area lockouts - you know the types - Blooz Bands playing da-da-da-da-da ba da da, di di di di di di di da da, and the rest of that same 3 chord crap they stole off of a bad CD set up in front of 16 pool tables - 32 hillbillies with bad teeth, not to mention forty years behind the times "Southern Rock" Rebel Flag drop cloth hung on the wall behind your fat pig beerbellies routine blah blah blah ... Well...you get the picture, because that definitely ain't Johnny Meat and His Potatoes!
If you're still "too slow", then let me try and explain it again ... Johnny Meat equals ART. His Potatoes equal ART. Plain and simple. Way too good to consider playing for nickels and dimes like some fifth rate cover band that puts on eye makeup just to play a skank sorority house .... well, hopefully now you get the picture.
And let's get one more thing straight right now - If you think for minute that Johnny Meat is going to invite you all who're reading this to his exclusive MySpace page or his specially designed custom band website, THINK AGAIN! Johnny and the boys ain't about to let any of you log on a computer and try and steal their looks and music for yourselves. You can all just forget it!
So all of the real booking agents and managers out there who are ready to start talking real serious music business, sign us up for our first recording contract, and start booking Johnny Meat and His Potatoes' upcoming world tour, click on the link and shoot me a message.
To enable Johnny to weed out spam emails, please type in the heading box
"Johnny Meat and His Potatoes rules Raleigh's Music Scene!"
* Location: Raleigh, Durham, Ch Hill
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2001374987
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Seeking screamer for something different (Whatevs)
Date: 2010-10-12, 9:23PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
So I've created a new mixture of genres, that I really think could take off, but I need the right vocalist on top of it.
I can make all the tracks, I just need a vocalist with good highs, mids, and lows and preferably the ability to record your own vocals at your house. I can do it here, but I'd prefer not to.
This MAY turn into a band that plays shows, tours, whatever. It may just stay us making good music for a few people to hear.
If you're interested, send me a sample of your vocals and I'll see what I think. It doesn't have to be a professional recording or anything, just like a youtube video of you or whatever.
I'm looking for pretty gnarly vocals. No singing.
* Location: Whatevs
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2003478288
__________________________
Ummm...ok.
Seeking screamer for something different (Whatevs)
Date: 2010-10-12, 9:23PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
So I've created a new mixture of genres, that I really think could take off, but I need the right vocalist on top of it.
I can make all the tracks, I just need a vocalist with good highs, mids, and lows and preferably the ability to record your own vocals at your house. I can do it here, but I'd prefer not to.
This MAY turn into a band that plays shows, tours, whatever. It may just stay us making good music for a few people to hear.
If you're interested, send me a sample of your vocals and I'll see what I think. It doesn't have to be a professional recording or anything, just like a youtube video of you or whatever.
I'm looking for pretty gnarly vocals. No singing.
* Location: Whatevs
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2003478288
__________________________
Ummm...ok.
BAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAA!
Logwagon brand drums? Dude, those will go great with my Nofx brand hard shell case.
Astonishing - the name Johnny Meat appears at least 20 times in this ad. But more astonishing is that I actually read through it a second time in order to count them!
So, "astonishing" is a synonym for "sad"?
So, "astonishing" is a synonym for "sad"?
Nope. I'm astonished and sad at the same time, also mad and disgusted.
They have only one song in their repertoire - it's a punk cover of John Cage's 4:33.
Incidentally, is John Cage the same guy as Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat? His fatality is killer silence
NEIR'S TAVERN SHOWCASE!
Neir's Tavern, in Queens NY is looking for acts that want/need exposure in front of recording industry executives. Showcase yourself at our famous venue (and maybe be seen by many on our Internet TV Show). Invite anyone you like. Neir's has patrons from all walks of life including RECORD INDUSTRY BIG-SHOTS. If you're looking to do a gig for really high-quality exposure, this is the place. We provide a backline, 2 guitar amps, bass amp, drum kit (drummer needs his own cymbals), and PA system. Need a place to do your BENEFIT SHOW? This is it. Contact us via email.
* Bands (Rock, Blues Rock, Classic Rock, Hard Rock, Jazz, Pop ... cover or original) our backline is not suited for metal.
* Singer/Songwriters
Any act looking for SERIOUSLY HIGH-QUALITY EXPOSURE, please contact us and tell us what you do. Please include contact info in your response.
Reply to: [email protected]
Neir's Tavern, in Queens NY is looking for acts that want/need exposure in front of recording industry executives. Showcase yourself at our famous venue (and maybe be seen by many on our Internet TV Show). Invite anyone you like. Neir's has patrons from all walks of life including RECORD INDUSTRY BIG-SHOTS. If you're looking to do a gig for really high-quality exposure, this is the place. We provide a backline, 2 guitar amps, bass amp, drum kit (drummer needs his own cymbals), and PA system. Need a place to do your BENEFIT SHOW? This is it. Contact us via email.
* Bands (Rock, Blues Rock, Classic Rock, Hard Rock, Jazz, Pop ... cover or original) our backline is not suited for metal.
* Singer/Songwriters
Any act looking for SERIOUSLY HIGH-QUALITY EXPOSURE, please contact us and tell us what you do. Please include contact info in your response.
Reply to: [email protected]
after reading this thread, I'm hungry for potatoes. Johnny is obviously a clever propaganda campaign by the Idaho potato farmers.
- Status
