Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest

[behndy]

****. but if you show up for an ad like that in HK and they DO get it? MEANT. TO. BE.

 

[f.c.geil]

Part of me, if I could, wants show up at the audition claiming my name is Brian and wait to see if/when they get it; the rest of me wouldn't 'cause I'd most likely have to explain it and if you have to explain it, it may not be as funny as you think.

That's freaking hilarious! But you'd have to bring your girlfriend...

"Who's that???" "Judith, Mum... Mother, Judith."

 

[Big Brother]

Jesus-shaped bassist wanted

Is it you?

We are a band in need of a Jesus-shaped bassist.
Build not important, just shape. (Perspective can be employed to give appropriate size.)
We have recently lost our former Jesus-shaped bassist but rest assured it was on good terms.
He has gone to rescue fieldbeasts from threshing machine threat in Romania and will not be returning.

We have been established as a band for approximately 3.8 years.
What kind of music do you play? We can try to learn it and write songs to fit your style (musical or dress).
Is haircut important to you?
Don't worry about equipment, if you have a bass we can supply the rest. We have quilts and water.
Let's concentrate on fun.
Good times?

If you fit the description please hand your details in to this e-mail address.

This has to be saved.

Part of me wants to say it is a rare Google translation that almost makes sense, but the perfect use of English idioms makes me have field-planet wilderbeest doubtings about Jesus haircut bass words.

 

[TheMightyWoot1]

Oh man that was good. Thank you for saving that one, Big Brother!

 

[AuntieBeeb]

Part of me, if I could, wants show up at the audition claiming my name is Brian and wait to see if/when they get it; the rest of me wouldn't 'cause I'd most likely have to explain it and if you have to explain it, it may not be as funny as you think.

He's not our bass player, he's a very naughty boy!

 

[hrodbert696]

I don't think the text of this one adds anything to it, the headline says it all:

"Start up metal trio seeks drummer and bassist"

 

[f.c.geil]

Wow.

 

[My name is Mudd]

Win!

 

[Double E]

I don't think the text of this one adds anything to it, the headline says it all:

"Start up metal trio seeks drummer and bassist"

I think your wrong...there is more entertainment within:

Start up metal trio seeks drummer and bassist (Nashua NH)

Date: 2012-12-28, 9:21PM EST
Reply to this post r29bf-3490467689@comm,craigslist,com
I am the guitarist/ vocalist for a melodic metal band called Ecliption and i am seeking creative drummers and bassists who would like to jump on bored and make some kick ass metal. I have an album recorded (just finishing up the details). I am looking for guys who enjoy heavy riffs, melody, and clean vocals as much as i do. Think of it as the perfect mix of old school and new school.

Im heavily influenced by bands like Evergrey and Nevermore. Also a lot of the classics like Rush, Iron Maiden, Dio, etc

I definitely want Ecliption to tour and record, even if their no money in it, just want to live the dream.

please email me back or call me 603493 two nine six six

Thanks
Nic

 

[My name is Mudd]

"...jump on bored..."

"...even if their no money in it..."

You're right...'their' IS some good stuff in the ad itself, and most of it seems designed to NOT get players to answer it.

 

[amimbari]

in other words he is a big phoney, or he recorded some super-uber-cool-wild guitar riffs all by himself and wants others to be part of his "band-dream"....

 

[f.c.geil]

in other words he is a big phoney, or he recorded some super-uber-cool-wild guitar riffs all by himself and wants others to be part of his "band-dream"....

I'm impressed... your metal - English translation is spot-on.

 

[bassgod76]

FOR THE WIN!


[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

EDEN bass combo amplifier - $149 (boynton beach)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 2012-12-29, 11:08AM EST
Reply to this post Reply to: [email protected][?]

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eden nemesis n10 bass combo amp tilt back design trade or sell

 

[f.c.geil]

Okay, so he's a lousy photographer, but where's the dumb?

 

[bassgod76]

Okay, so he's a lousy photographer, but where's the dumb?

The dumb is that he would post pics that are too dark to be seen.

 

[f.c.geil]

Missed the title of your post the first time through... Guess the dumb was me!

 

[landau roof]

This is hilarious to me. Wrong about the brand, but right about the color.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[LiquidMidnight]

Hard Rock/Metal Band Looking for Vocalist
...You must be able to practice three times a week. Saturday, Tues and Wednesday,
usually from 8-10pm (We all have jobs so it varies every now and again.)
Also we split the cost evenly, comes out to $8 a piece....

Gotta love LA craigslist..
3 days a week is pushing it, these people never heard of woodshedding?
Besides, I ain't feeling the "hard rock" vibe from a guitarist shredding on what appears to be his daughter's Hello Kitty Squier.

Haha, love the picture.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[LiquidMidnight]

I saved this one as I thought it was one of the better ones.....

I will be paying top notch members for a new band in (Pittsburgh)
Date: 2012-11-13, 3:10PM EST
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

First, let me start with You are going to be paid regardless if we are in the basement or on stage, it just so happens when we reach that level, your payscale will increase exponentially.

you want in? you will hear me when you come down and sign the contract ---

I am the singer and will be forming a band I do not want any pros, NOR do I want any teenagers under 21 ( SORRY ), pros are usually happy with what they got and impossible to work with and not looking for a band change, and teens? well I don't hate you all but there will obviously be a lot of 21 and over venues to play so sorry twinks, your OUT .....

#1 we will not sound like anything around here already. <<<< YES CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!?!!!
#2 I will not take just anyone because I have lot's of cash and I am willing to PAY people to be in my band. <<<< I'll bet you never had that happen before????
#3 the band will start the tour once we get 75 songs down. Should take what?...2-3 weeks maximum right?
#4 I am paying 50.00 cash money at the end of each and every practice to any members who join my band, and a minimum of 300.00 to play in any gig I book
#5 Because of the financial issues, I must have you sign a contract to make this a REAL-DEAL PROVIDED I LIKE YOU, and you will never have to play a freebee gig again.
#6 If you are afraid of contracts, and what responsibility you must achieve after putting your John Hancock on it, THEN DON'T REPLY

if you are sitting in the garage, or in a go-nowhere "sell tickets/pay to play" band I have the golden opportunity for you to show off your talent!!!!

p.s. I am not a psycho, nor am I a ****** trying to get people to come over to jam because I am bored. I have an insurance settlement from my last job that has almost 100k in the bank for me to blow on my first love..... MUSIC!!!!!

some might think I'm trying to "BUY MY WAY INTO creating a #1 BAND" ....well perhaps so, but when I am done I will be in the next band that will be touring all over the world on MY expense....how many of you lame ****head Pittsburghers who are out of work would jump at a paying gig??...let's see... ok raise your hands...yep that's what I thought 52,049 of you already.....

GREAT!!!!

As I was reading this, the thought going through my mind was "This must be some wannabe who was never good enough to actually cut it in a band; so he must have gotten an insurance settlement from a relative who passed away and he's using that money to try and actually get someone to play with him."

Then I reached the second to last paragraph and saw that I wasn't that far off.

Not to be all tautological, but I think it's funny that he doesn't want "pros," but he wants to pay musicians money to perform music, which - da-da-da-dum - MAKES THEM PROS!

I actually live down 422 in Indiana. If I were looking for a gig, my interest would be piqued enough to give him a call just for poops and giggles. Then I'd try to surmise if he'd conk me on the head when I arrived at the "rehearsal space" and run off, my bass and wallet in hand.

 

[LiquidMidnight]

Is it you?

We are a band in need of a Jesus-shaped bassist.
Build not important, just shape. (Perspective can be employed to give appropriate size.)
We have recently lost our former Jesus-shaped bassist but rest assured it was on good terms.
He has gone to rescue fieldbeasts from threshing machine threat in Romania and will not be returning.

We have been established as a band for approximately 3.8 years.
What kind of music do you play? We can try to learn it and write songs to fit your style (musical or dress).
Is haircut important to you?
Don't worry about equipment, if you have a bass we can supply the rest. We have quilts and water.
Let's concentrate on fun.
Good times?

If you fit the description please hand your details in to this e-mail address.

I feel like some performance artist should be reciting this in an inflective voice on stage at a community theatre while other artists do interpretive dances in the background to cocktail jazz.

3.8 years, indeed.