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Ever been told you're no good?

P

podiumboy

Aug 28, 2011
330
148
44
Dayton-Columbus, OH
#1
A few years ago, the drummer of our band basically told me that he didn't think I was any good, and that while I was still "welcome to jam with them", he didn't think I was a good fit. I asked the other guys about it, and they genuinely did not agree with him, still wanted me in, and were pissed at the drummer for saying those things. The drummer had a problem with me personally, as he did with our singer as well.

I know that I don't suck. I'm no virtuoso by any means, but I knows my way around the neck of a guitar/bass, and while I'm not a flashy player, I know how to play what the song needs. Our band hasn't played in over 2 years now, and I haven't played in a band since then.

Now, everytime I go to practice, I just think of that jerk telling me that I wasn't any good, and I stop. I've had several others tell me that I'm a good, versatile player, but I am focused on what that one person said to me. This may seem overly sensitive, but I seriously find it hard to get any enjoyment out of playing anymore, because I'm constantly trying to test my technique and ability to see if I really do suck or not.

Anybody else ever dead with this? And if so, how did you make it through?
 
#2
I was told by one gent who knows music that I'm not well suited to play rock & roll. But he was often a pain in the ass to others.

Just formed a classic rock & blues band and none of the very experienced musicians in that band have a problem with how I play.

People are entitled to their opinions - even when they are WRONG. This is such a case.

I know it hurts to hear something like that, but many people will be wrong about you during your life - but you are not responsible for their opinions. Learn what you can from them, discard what they are wrong about, and move on.
 
#5
Sounds like he was just trying to get your goat. Mission accomplished. Here's a thought, make a video of yourself playing. Then YOU be the judge. If you truly and honestly agree with him, then work on the areas that you think need it. I have a feeling that won't be the case though.
 
#6
I've been through that too. Isn't it not odd about us? We have many dozens of good musicians telling us we are fine, many others who acknowledging weakness in our playing, offer paths to improvement and recognize progress made, but instead we end up focussing on the toxic turd who said we were no good, and offered no good feedback. Why is this?

Anyways, enough, there are many people in this world, and some are like that. They try to make themselves feel big, by trying to make others around them feel small. Their comments don't deserve the remembrance.

Now, if my mind slips for a few seconds and I recall the toxic remarks, I tell myself that I'm dishonouring the opinions of the many dozens of good musicians who gave me good feedback.
 
#9
when i was eleven (i think) our guitarist in our school band. won an award for best guitarist at the inter school battle of the bands and this girl came up to me the next week and asked if i felt stink that Ben (guitarist) won the best guitarist award and i didn't. to which i replied "no i don't cause i play bass not guitar" she had no answer to this and we still laugh about it fifteen (i think) year's later
 
#10
For the longest time, Linda Ronstadt told me I was no good, but after awhile, I learned to take that in stride.

Seriously, I was playing a bar we had really wanted to play, and this was back when my wife played bass on "Voodoo Child (slight return,)" before I took it away from her. So after I sang my part, I went out into the audience while the rest of my band did the jam part. This guy came up to me and screamed in my face, "TONIGHT WHEN YOU GO HOME, YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF!!!!!" I was so totally taken aback, I couldn't say anything. He pointed to my drummer, and said, "that guy up there? HE SUCKS!!! He f---in' SUCKS." and then he pointed to my wife, and said, "that b----? SHE SUCKS!!!" I was starting to sense a theme, and then he pointed to Arthur, our guitar player. "Now that guy's good, but the rest of you YOU SUCK!!!! YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF!!!!"

Spit actually flew off him as he screamed all this at me.

But I figured, "hey, at least he likes Arthur!"

Anyway, sometimes people will tell you you're no good. Sometimes they'll be right, and sometimes they'll be wrong.

And people will tell you you're good! And sometimes THEY'LL be right, and sometimes THEY'LL be wrong!

I've had people tell me I was good when I sucked, and I've had people tell me I sucked when I sucked, and I've had people tell me I sucked when I was good.

But my favorite is when they tell me I was good, and I WAS good!

And not so much the whole, "hey man, you're good," as the whole roar of an excited crowd.

As I often say, if you play enough notes, sooner or later you're going to hit the right one.
 
#11
"They told me I couldn't sing" and

"Bond rejected him after a tryout, advising Presley to stick to truck driving "because you're never going to make it as a singer."


Imagine that Elvis couldn't sing? LOL what idiots!

Don't let it bother you what some say who knows you may become famous one day.
 
#12
I learned 8 instruments before bass... I wasn't particularly good at any of them (5th chair alto sax, etc). Bass was my last instrument, been playing it solidly for more than 15 years.

longevity > "talent"

Anyway, who cares what people say! Stop taking yourself so seriously and try rocking more. :bassist:
 
#13
podiumboy said:
A few years ago, the drummer of our band basically told me that he didn't think I was any good....,Our band hasn't played in over 2 years now, and I haven't played in a band since then.
Click to expand...

As stated above, everybody can have an opinion. Don't rely on just one to use as your perception of how others see your ability. I think you need some other opinions. Go to jam nights if they are available. If not get together with another bunch of people to jam with. Offer to be a hired gun for bass players you know. If you get asked back, or don't, you'll know what to think.

mech
 
#14
i use to suck bad! my friends would tease me until i got better. except there's this one dude who still thinks i suck,... 20 years later!!!

it's like he has a mental block, lol. he has the nerve to ask me to play for him and then proceeds to tell me "the parts will be easy"! ROTF!!! :) the funniest part is not many people like playing with him. he plays percussion and the truth of the matter is,...

he's very mediocre, at best! :confused:
 
#17
You really shouldn't let someone else's crass statement keep you from the joy of playing. He is in the minority, no? Don't sweat it. Besides, if you obsess so much about it that it interferes with your practice, then it will definitely keep you from getting better that what you already are. Don't let it discourage you, take it as a challenge and let it motivate you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Just remember this, no matter how good you are, or how good you become, you can always improve on something, or explore something new, always.
If you are really feeling bad about your playing, I suggest recording yourself (video or audio), and every few minutes listen to the playback. Even a cell phone recording will do surprisingly well, I know the new iphones do pretty amazing recordings for what they are.

I remember last week we were jamming and I thought my own playing sucked and my phrasing was totally boring and played out. When I went back and listened to the recording, my opinion totally changed. I even heard myself doing things that I had no idea I was doing. Funny how that works, it's almost like the opposite of hearing your own speaking voice on a recording when you're not used to it, you actually sound better.
 
#19
While I haven't been told I'm not good, I *HAVE* had quite a few 'helpful' souls suggest ways I should change the way I play. I thanked them for their advice and told them to "F" off.

The biggest issue is always that I use a pick. But we all know how that discussion goes.....
 
#20
Put me in a funk, jazz, thrash, metal, type band and I'm no good and I would downright suck. Put me in an indie rock, light rock ,blues,country,folk or Americana style band and I'm alright...just sayin.
 

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