I'd tell my wife about it too. We've been married 21 years now.
-Mike
-Mike
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Fatal Attraction potential??
- Thread starter JMacBass65
- Start date
If she doesn't care that you're married, then this will end poorly for you, your marriage, your kids, your job, and her. Folks who are comfortable dating married people are liable to other strange things. You're better off just playing it down so it isn't so awkward. Good luck. Sounds like you'll need it!
I'm thinking sexual harassment lawsuit. No reason you shouldn't profit from this.
This has a lot to do with the relationship a person has with his wife really. At least in my case, we don't hold secrets from each other, and if I'm volunteering information to my wife about a situation like this, she knows first of all it is something I'm trying to take care of ( this situation has happened in my past actually). By her knowing there was an issue I brought to her, instead of her hearing about it, she knows I'm solid with her, and the issue was taken care of. i fortunately have a great relationship with my wife and we are very open with communication, so we stay strong as a unit.
She is a very beautiful woman, and gets hit on weekly just going through her daily work/life routine. She shares her stories of some of the stupid things guys do, and we have a good laugh about it. Neither of us are very jealous, we are together and don't want to be with anyone else.
If the op doesn't have a relationship like that with his wife, I'd agree that maybe why cause strife where you can avoid it. I just feel I'd rather tell my wife about an akward situation rather than have her find out on her own. Honestly, I think that would hurt her feelings.
You should do whatever you can to stay away from the "other lady" at work or, at least, have a third party present any time you have to be near her. As someone said above, if it comes to a harassment claim the " powers that be" will usually take the woman's side. Not that that's necessarily unjust I'm just saying.
As far as telling your wife about it; it depends on your relationship and her. At one time, I would have never dreamed of mentioning anything about another woman to my wife for fear of what might happen (possibly randomly) later. After 11 years together, we're secure enough in our relationship and selves that I have no problem sharing that sort of thing with her. In fact, I got asked out by a customer via text a few years ago. I, of course, declined and did my best to smooth things over. She claimed no idea I was married even though I had a ring on. Anyway, I told my wife about it when I got home and we both had a good laugh. It can go a long way toward keeping anything from happening once your wife knows about things. As always YMMV. I'm just a bass player, don't take my advice on anything.
As far as telling your wife about it; it depends on your relationship and her. At one time, I would have never dreamed of mentioning anything about another woman to my wife for fear of what might happen (possibly randomly) later. After 11 years together, we're secure enough in our relationship and selves that I have no problem sharing that sort of thing with her. In fact, I got asked out by a customer via text a few years ago. I, of course, declined and did my best to smooth things over. She claimed no idea I was married even though I had a ring on. Anyway, I told my wife about it when I got home and we both had a good laugh. It can go a long way toward keeping anything from happening once your wife knows about things. As always YMMV. I'm just a bass player, don't take my advice on anything.
There is virtually nothing in real estate that has to be done sitting at your desk. You need to spend less and less time there. Your marriage will survive and you paycheck will increase.
Just speaking generically about this type of situation, what's really important is what the reaction is of the married person to a flirtatious acquaintance. At the risk of oversimplification, there are really only three possibilities:
1) discourage the advances
2) encourage the advances
3) pretend not to notice the advances
Assuming the subject is in a committed, monogamous relationship, the only acceptable response is #1. If you do the right thing and shut down the advances sooner rather than later, then there is nothing to worry about, either at the workplace or with the relationship at home.
1) discourage the advances
2) encourage the advances
3) pretend not to notice the advances
Assuming the subject is in a committed, monogamous relationship, the only acceptable response is #1. If you do the right thing and shut down the advances sooner rather than later, then there is nothing to worry about, either at the workplace or with the relationship at home.
This is very true, and I don't spend a lot of time at the office. But there are meetings and CE classes there, and other time where it is just beneficial to be around the other agents. I'm five years in and benefit from the many 15, 20, 30 years in the biz agents around.
Haven't told my wife yet, but will. She was a bartended when we met, and I have been in bands and running sound etc. for many years, so there have been advances from other women in the past and I have always told her. She is usually just amused, and never threatened or jealous. This could be a bit different due to the frequency of being around this other woman.
Since the silly "I have a crush on you" text the other night, I have not seen her in the office, of course I have only been there twice, for about an hour at 11PM the other night to print flyers, and today for about two hours to prep for a meeting. I have a hunch when we run into each other she will be the first to say something, and it will likely be an apology. I think she was just a bit drunk and got carried away with herself. I think she's embarrassed. I do hope we can move past it, as she's a cool person and one of very few that are roughly part of my peer group. Those 30 year agents are getting up there......
"
You try to pull my trigger, always leading me on
Makin' up your own rules, I was always the clown
Times must change now, you'll see it my way
I just can't take it
What you don't know, I must say
I guess we both had a lot to learn,
Uh, huh
You play with fire, you're gonna get burned
"
I actually used the "pull my trigger" metaphor yesterday when describing the album this song is on
Now if she looked like Lita, I'd be in some trouble........I am weak.
Rule, schmool...
I've dated 2 co-workers.
Married one of 'em. Still married too, although we no longer work for the same company.
My current girlfriend (7 years, as good as married) was a coworker, though I moved on to a new job around 3 years into our relationship.
Excuse me for being European, but is there a chance that the work girl and the wife would get along?
Excuse me for being European, but is there a chance that the work girl and the wife would get along?
Not my rules Leroy Jetheo GibbsRule, schmool...
I've dated 2 co-workers.
Married one of 'em. Still married too, although we no longer work for the same company.
But good rules to live by non the less
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
This is exactly how I deal with that kind of thing. I let women know I'm married right away by casually saying something about my wife at an appropriate time. There have been moments when the new aquaintence gave me a disappointed look, but it works out for the best in the end all around. I go home to where I should go and she finds somebody who is actually available (I guess.)
There's the occasional time when one turns into a long term friend. My wife trusts me and I trust her. That's worth more than any short term fling, plus, there's the off chance you can have a friend for a long time if you keep things where they should be instead of letting them get out of hand.
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And now from a wife's perspective, tell your wife!
As others have said before, it's best that she finds out through you first, rather than 2nd hand or by accident! My husband and I trust each other implicitly and have no need to spy on each other, but occasionally we'll use each other's phone for varying reasons. What if your wife innocently uses your phone and stumbles upon the kissy face emojis? Then the roles will be reversed -> "Ricky, you got some 'splainin' ta do..."
As others have said before, it's best that she finds out through you first, rather than 2nd hand or by accident! My husband and I trust each other implicitly and have no need to spy on each other, but occasionally we'll use each other's phone for varying reasons. What if your wife innocently uses your phone and stumbles upon the kissy face emojis? Then the roles will be reversed -> "Ricky, you got some 'splainin' ta do..."
I actually have a picture of my wife as my screen saver and wallpaper on my phone. Why? Because it works great to stop an advance of an innocent fan or barfly.
I played professionally, was involved with a charting single, and opened up with some bigger named artists, such as Miranda Lambert. Believe me, backstage at bigger shows there are always random and beautiful women wanting a performers attention (even a bassist on occasion). If I detected a bit of advance from a fan or whatever, a quick check of the "time" using my cell phone, would display pictures of my better half. I'd normally get the, " oh, she's pretty, who is she?" And that was my avenue to say my wife, and give both us us an out. Of course that didn't matter to some, but it always did to me. It was an easy way to politely say "keep looking".
Now I'm off the road that doesn't happen so much, but I still keep the pics there just in case...
I played professionally, was involved with a charting single, and opened up with some bigger named artists, such as Miranda Lambert. Believe me, backstage at bigger shows there are always random and beautiful women wanting a performers attention (even a bassist on occasion). If I detected a bit of advance from a fan or whatever, a quick check of the "time" using my cell phone, would display pictures of my better half. I'd normally get the, " oh, she's pretty, who is she?" And that was my avenue to say my wife, and give both us us an out. Of course that didn't matter to some, but it always did to me. It was an easy way to politely say "keep looking".
Now I'm off the road that doesn't happen so much, but I still keep the pics there just in case...
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I've had some great times with former co-workers however.
Some of the more demure gals in the workplace turned out to be total wildcats when they let their hair down, or after a few drinks
Some of the more demure gals in the workplace turned out to be total wildcats when they let their hair down, or after a few drinks
They would get along quite well, actually. Similar sense of humor, attitudes about things.
Wait........
I see what you mean now.
Um, no. My wife would never go for that, trust me, I raised the issue years ago. Hypothetically speaking of course.
But - even if she were game - I am not attracted to this woman in the least.
