• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join freeLog in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Fatal Attraction potential??

Send a note back under the guise of your wife picking up your phone. Something like... This is J-macs wife. May I tell him who this is?

This. In fact, you could actually tell your wife about this situation before you get drawn towards doing anything stupid. It will be a lot easier to resist trying to pull off a sordid secret affair if you know it won't be secret in the first place.
 
I'll only add this. The flirtation feels mildly exciting and harmless. I am guilty of participating when I was young and gigging. When my wife was carrying my son she didn't come to gigs. One night a particular "flirtee" was up front and I played to it. Dollar bills were stuffed in my shirt. All in fun. Then I went home. Wife, heavy with child asks how the gig was. About that time I took off my shirt and dollar bills fell to the floor. Of course she was deeply hurt. No way to explain at that point that it was all in good fun..... my whole point being, if you don't find a way to stop it, it will catch up with you. And usually when you least expect it.
 
Seen more than one "work relationship" implode where I work(1200+ employees) in the past 27 years.
99.9999% of the time, the MALE gets terminated with very bad stuff on his HR report. About 75% of the time, the FEMALE pulls the "harassment" card out and HR/legal wants to avoid trouble. HER word always trumps his word.

@JMacBass65 : drop the stuff pronto and possibly insist on having a male co-worker present if you are near "her".

PS: Fatal Attraction eh?
Met wifey when I was in a band and the young psycho I was "involved" with didn't like it much. Broke into my home one day, flooded the place(plug up drains, turn water on full-blast, leave), spray painted stuff all over the inside, and trashed a lot of band gear. PD did nothing, I found her tennis shoe print in the dirt behind my home in a garden near the door she broke glass to get in. Insurance cancelled me after the event/claim.
Same sick girl stalked wifey and me for months.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO EXPERIENCE THIS <deleted expletive>.
 
RE: fatal attraction

This guy I worked with looked like Jake Gyllenhaal & the ladies were all over him. He thought he'd be clever & get intimate with as many as he could, until he found the wrong one.
She nearly burned his place down & would have if he were just a little less lucky.


my other anecdote:

guy at work was kind of on the outs with his wife all the time, some of us didn't even know they were married (his wife worked there as well, but different department)
new gal shows up to answer the phones at the front desk & she is on fire
cleavage, high hem on the dresses, the total package

cut to xMas party time & she asked this dude for a ride home
they make out in his truck

the next workday, she claimed that something non-consensual happened

they both got fired!
the wife was told to shut up about it or get the same treatment


Me, I have a developed radar for nonsense, so if I suspected foul play or craziness I'd suggest we take a weekend getaway. This way I could pay for a hotel & keep it out of my abode.
Once I lived right across from a nice little hotel, so I'd just wait until I was alone, walk back to my place & drive to work :smug:

I saw one gal for three weekends in a row like this, but at different hotels each time, once in Bangkok, before I finally let her into my actual place.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: JMacBass65
You need to go on damage control now. Be honest to your wife about this lady actions . You never know, in the future your wife might hear something about this from the grapevine and will be very hurt if you did not consult with her. If the situation was reversed and my wife had someone hitting on her at work, I surely would want to be informed.
 
Been there, done that. She was involved with someone else, I wasn't. Long story short we worked in restaurant and she was my manager, so when she'd stay late to do money I'd stick around till everyone else left and you know... Yeah. One day a certain piece of contraband was found in the backroom which didn't belong to us (which I know because I'm a dog and do not enjoy using these particular items) and she was suddenly fired the next day. Bad times man.

DISCLAIMER: I am not proud of this and still feel like a scumbag about it to this day.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: JMacBass65
Secondly, you should let your wife know. Something as awkward as this might find its way to your wife, and it's best if she hears it from you first.

No. Do not let your wife know.

Just deal with your co-worker so it stops right now (before anything stsrts) and everything will be fine.

If you tell your wife your co-worker is flirting with you, then I guarantee you will regret it. No good can come of it and there are about 87 bad things that can and will happen.
 
I can only add that I met my wife at work. She was my boss. She eventually left the company, and then we got married. The 'affair' was known only once she left (well, a couple of people had an inkling, but were discreet enough not to mention it). It surprised many.
20 years later we're still very much an item.
It can work, but it's a very long shot.

If I were the OP, I'd tell my wife what's happening, and have a frank talk with the other lady. Otherwise....yeah....rabbit stew.
 


"
You try to pull my trigger, always leading me on
Makin' up your own rules, I was always the clown
Times must change now, you'll see it my way
I just can't take it
What you don't know, I must say
I guess we both had a lot to learn,
Uh, huh
You play with fire, you're gonna get burned
"

I actually used the "pull my trigger" metaphor yesterday when describing the album this song is on :smug:
 
  • Like
Reactions: JMacBass65