Fatal Attraction potential??

[Killed_by_Death]

If her texts after work are not about work, ignore them.
Tell your wife already, because if she finds out, like she almost did, it will be a rougher story to explain why you hid this from her.

Either way, your lookin for new work.

You are probably right.

 

[c_maj]

Unfortunately in my efforts to be a nice guy, I think I am confusing her.

Once again from a woman's perspective - or at least this woman's perspective - the problem isn't you. She simply can't take a hint. The word "obtuse" comes to mind.

I must have missed it in other posts, but I didn't realize that she is married as well! Dude, that makes this whole situation about a gazillion times worse! At first I smelled a very obvious rat, but now I smell a huge, rotting dinosaur. Cut.her.off.now!!!

I mean really, what married woman would repeatedly send a man other than her husband (a married man at that) kissy faces? I'll tell you - a woman looking for trouble!

And now that I think about it, it's not that she's obtuse and "can't take a hint", no, she's willfully being persistent and *won't* take a hint. She knows you're a nice guy, and my hunch is that she's trying to wear you down.

It's a good thing that other agent was in the office with you because that woman is dangerous. Don't ever allow yourself to be alone with her. If you have to go into the office at odd/late hours, if at all possible take your wife (or a friend) with you.

It's high time you inform your wife. It sounds like your wife is pretty cool, so if YOU don't want to hurt Ms. Obtuse's feelings, your wife may be willing to play the heavy and do it for you. (Hubby and I have done that in other situations.)

I don't know if you're old enough to know the reference, but this definitely qualifies under: "DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!!!"

 

[BusyFingers]

She will destroy your life. An adulterous woman will draw you into a deep pit. She will take your gray hairs down to sheol.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

Dig if you will the picture of her husband reading your texts:

 

[Aberdumbie]

I'm the pompous, judgemental know it all European Viking!!! Fear my wrath!! Please, fear my wrath!

OK.... They didn't teach smiley face recognition class when I was a youngster...... So accept my apology for the misunderstanding....... This however was hilarious.... I believe this may be the appropriate thingamabob...

 

[c_maj]

Dig if you will the picture of her husband reading your texts:

 

[TwinDad]

My opinion... this is getting way out of hand. I would have already told my wife, but I would tell her now. And seriously consider giving your boss a heads up, too. Not necessarily to create a harassment suit but to prevent one by being proactive. You might even share the texts as well, to prove your "side" of the story.

And shut this woman down hard. Rip the band-aid off and let her know in very painfully clear terms where you stand. At this point I wouldn't even worry about being nice. Be straight up, blunt, and kill the (non-business) relationship.

And do it yesterday.

Personally, after nearly 20 years (and from the get-go) I'm in the "tell my wife everything" camp, at least in this category. I have a female business partner. Occasionally we have to meet 1:1 for lunch. There's absolutely NO chance anything is going to happen (we wouldn't be interested even if we were single), but I make sure my wife knows anyway. If someone sees me at lunch with my partner and says something to my wife, I absolutely want her to be able to say "Oh, that's so-and-so. They were having a business lunch today." She trusts me, and I could clear the situation up, but I find that being right out front prevents "situations" from the start.

 

[Fishheadjoe]

OP, make sure that you keep all her text messages and any other electronic contact she has made with you. Should she not handle your rejection well, she could theoretically approach management complaining of sexual harassment, if for no other reason then to hide her embarrassment. A pro-active tact would be to let management know of her advances, show the documentation to prove you are the "victim" and cover your butt. Actually, you would be covering the company's behind at the same time.
Better to be prepared, then the victim.
Fishheadjoe

 

[Norwegian Bass]

OK.... They didn't teach smiley face recognition class when I was a youngster...... So accept my apology for the misunderstanding....... This however was hilarious.... I believe this may be the appropriate thingamabob...

Accepted, and no worries. I've missed plenty of them myself over the years.

 

[JMacBass65]

Lots of great responses, suggestions, comments - so rather than go through and quote a bunch to respond, I'm just gonna go with a bullet point summary.

Here goes:

• Yeah gotta tell my wife.
• Yes - my wife is cool and has been amused when I have told her gig tales of drunk girls hitting on the band, etc. We met when she was a bartender - she's seen everything. In fact, before we were dating she was pouring the drinks while some young woman was hitting on me, and proceed to watch me leave with this woman and her friend, and some dude that was my new best bud. She still jokingly gives me a hard time for hooking up with her. Apologies if this offends any women reading this. I was a younger man at the time. Anyway - this will be OK with her if I tell her.
• Already came to the conclusion that I need to tell the manager of my office. It's a realtor office, and me and this woman are agents, so not sure how all this plays as a legal thing, since we are not "employees", but still, afraid when I stonewall her, it could all go horribly wrong.
• Already saved the text stream as a PDF.
• I'm going to try just ignoring any non-business messages, hopefully I won't need to break bad on her.
• Oh, and to @Norwegian Bass - No, I did not start this thread to demonstrate that "I still got it". That much was clear to me already.

 

[c_maj]

My opinion... this is getting way out of hand. I would have already told my wife, but I would tell her now. And seriously consider giving your boss a heads up, too. Not necessarily to create a harassment suit but to prevent one by being proactive. You might even share the texts as well, to prove your "side" of the story.

And shut this woman down hard. Rip the band-aid off and let her know in very painfully clear terms where you stand. At this point I wouldn't even worry about being nice. Be straight up, blunt, and kill the (non-business) relationship.

And do it yesterday.

Personally, after nearly 20 years (and from the get-go) I'm in the "tell my wife everything" camp, at least in this category. I have a female business partner. Occasionally we have to meet 1:1 for lunch. There's absolutely NO chance anything is going to happen (we wouldn't be interested even if we were single), but I make sure my wife knows anyway. If someone sees me at lunch with my partner and says something to my wife, I absolutely want her to be able to say "Oh, that's so-and-so. They were having a business lunch today." She trusts me, and I could clear the situation up, but I find that being right out front prevents "situations" from the start.

OP, make sure that you keep all her text messages and any other electronic contact she has made with you. Should she not handle your rejection well, she could theoretically approach management complaining of sexual harassment, if for no other reason then to hide her embarrassment. A pro-active tact would be to let management know of her advances, show the documentation to prove you are the "victim" and cover your butt. Actually, you would be covering the company's behind at the same time.
Better to be prepared, then the victim.
Fishheadjoe

I totally agree with informing upper management as well - it's best you be proactive rather than reactive.

Thankfully you have this thread as well for added documentation.

@BusyFingers couldn't have said it better.

 

[c_maj]

Oops, sorry for the redundancy - it looks like you're about to take action (good for you!!!) - looks like I posted within seconds of yours.

 

[Lobster11]

Your problem has just been made worse by continuing to leave the situation ambiguous for so long. You just need to have a sit-down/face-to-face -- over coffee somewhere, if that's what it will take to allow you to do so without interruption -- and explain the situation. You're flattered by her interest, by you're happily married and not interested. You're sorry if it seems as if you've been leading her on; you didn't mean to. You enjoy interacting with her but your relationship can't go beyond professional, etc. It doesn't have to mean or insulting; it just has to be crystal clear that you're drawing a line.

I don't think it would be fair to her to bring your manager into this yet. Given the continued ambiguity of the situation (which I realize is the unintended result of you trying to be nice), she really hasn't done anything wrong. If she continues to "harass" you after you've had a frank discussion with her, that's another kettle of fish.

 

[JMacBass65]

I don't think it would be fair to her to bring your manager into this yet. Given the continued ambiguity of the situation (which I realize is the unintended result of you trying to be nice), she really hasn't done anything wrong. If she continues to "harass" you after you've had a frank discussion with her, that's another kettle of fish.

Well, too late for that, just got out of the managers office.

Funny, manager knew exactly who it was. Manager knows her husband travels a lot, so she goes out drinking with the girls frequently. In other words, while being very devoted to her children, she is in an unsatisfactory marriage.

Anyway - told my manager not to get her in trouble or have nay action taken, but to protect me in the even that she goes off the rails when I tell her it needs to stop. I don't want the tables turned on me.

 

[TwinDad]

Smart move.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

she goes out drinking with the girls frequently.

A woman who takes her children out drinking cannot be trusted.

All this manager business could have been avoided if you'd just left it alone when she texted kissy emoticons to you.
I'd have quit communicating with her after hours at that point.

 

[JMacBass65]

A woman who takes her children out drinking cannot be trusted.

All this manager business could have been avoided if you'd just left it alone when she texted kissy emoticons to you.
I'd have quit communicating with her after hours at that point.

I meant "the girls" as in friends, not her kids. yeah - that would be messed up.

As for my initial response.....well yeah, I suppose. I just didn't see it coming at all, so was caught off guard. IIRC the first thing that happened is she just outright said "is it wrong that i have a crush on you?"

I responded with a "" as I truly thought she was kidding.

Then it all just got weird.

 

[Munjibunga]

Accepted, and no worries. I've missed plenty of them myself over the years.

I don't use the danged things, so you just have to guess whether I'm serious or not.

 

[Munjibunga]

Well, too late for that, just got out of the managers office.

Funny, manager knew exactly who it was. Manager knows her husband travels a lot, so she goes out drinking with the girls frequently. In other words, while being very devoted to her children, she is in an unsatisfactory marriage.

Anyway - told my manager not to get her in trouble or have nay action taken, but to protect me in the even that she goes off the rails when I tell her it needs to stop. I don't want the tables turned on me.

Good call, Tiny Elvis.