Fiance Doesnt Like my hobbies

[spector_boogie]

I'm pretty sure anyone who actually rehearses or gigs with your buddies/band has run across this with chicks.

It's sometimes hard to have someone who's honestly ok with it, and not just saying she is at first, and then bottles up all the rage and it spills over later (which usually is how it happens to me). That's why nowadays I ask prospective gf's what kind of hobbies they have- I too enjoy music and cars and whatnot but don't spend an overly inordinate amount of time on either. So you each should have something aside from one another to keep your mind sharp and interested. Chicks who say "but you're my hobby!!" are the ones to stay far, far away from...

You did say it's your fiance` though, however so yeah I'd consider working this out relatively quickly and thoroughly if you plan to stay together. The only person I almost proposed to gave the "me or music" ultimatum and it didn't turn out the way she planned, I surmise.

 

[MatticusMania]

Yeah, I don't know where you guys are getting that I'm saying you can't have your own interest and passions. I don't disagree. I have mine, my wife has hers. When you place those above your partner is when I think there is a problem.

-Mike

I get what youre putting down. What I glean from the OP is that he has talked to his fiancee about somethign he wants to do, and she's not cool with it. The real question here is why isnt she cool with it, and are her reasons valid? I dont think committing to someone means you are no longer free to pursue your own interests, though. It doesnt seem to me that the OP wants to put his interests above his partner, he just wants to be able to have those interests. It could be that she's against him pursuing his interests/hobbies because she has none of her own, or she wants the OP all to himself... we can only speculate, really. Youve stated that there's more happiness in giving than receiving, and I agree with that (though also aknowledge that maybe not everyone will), but keep in mind that for every person that gives, there must be someone to receive. That person also has to give at times to balance an equal relationship. Not knowing the nature of the OPs relationship, it seems like he gives (at least in providing financial support for the two) and isnt being given the freedom to pursue an interest. Again, what is the reason behind that? IMO, thats the crux of the issue.

 

[Munjibunga]

I have a total of 5 practices before the show. Its not 5 practices a week. I support us financially, but i am a college student and can only do so much. I think she is just going through postpartum depression. Ima just pray and hope things get better

Alrighty then. I'd do the practices and gig, but be sensitive to her issues. Women love sensitivity.

 

[bolophonic]

I have a total of 5 practices before the show. Its not 5 practices a week. I support us financially, but i am a college student and can only do so much. I think she is just going through postpartum depression. Ima just pray and hope things get better

Depression can wreak havoc on a relationship in many unexpected ways. Make sure she is getting the support she needs from her friends and family and doctor. You both should have an opportunity to take some spare time out of a week and pursue interests that enrich yourselves.

 

[turbo chicken]

We alternate everything we do. I tell her all the time she wouldnt understand unless she had a hobby. She says she doesnt like to do anything and our son is her hobby. I'm always trying to get her to go out, she just doesnt want to. I dont go out either, but i do enjoy my music and my cars.

i missed this post... and i see your last post as well.

if this is true... i feel for ya man... been in this exact position. and since i've chimed in on the band situation ill offer some advice below that was given to me years ago... that i still practice.

when is the last time you guys been on a date without the kid? just you and her... dinner and a movie is a big deal with my wife... especially since she looks foward to it every single month and she's a movie go'er at heart.

^start here... and make it mandatory ... cause if you guys arent getting to spend QT then she is not going to want you to spend time elsewhere.

watching TV at home with take out isn't QT ... now... sending her out to get a manicure/pedicure or get her girlfriends to take her out (don't discuss it with her talk directly to her gf and say I don't care how you do it but get her out the house so I can do this) and tell her to buy a new shirt... and having dinner ready for her when she gets home that you cooked, hose clean, yougroomed appropriately, kid at sitters and a live concert or movie or musical or something interesting you know she will enjoy on DVD ready to play ... hand her a glass of wine or a drink when she walks in... show her you got stuff under control... that's QT ... and your only a few yards from your bed... ...


50 bucks a month for date night is cheaper than therapy years down the road.

good luck man...