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First Band Drama
- Thread starter Enrique M
- Start date
That’s drama? Try playing in a band where the drummer/BL yells at you onstage every time you make a mistake or play something he doesn’t like, loses his mind if you dare suggest he not play a song so fast, and generally has the band walking on eggshells.
I am the bassist in a band with some of my lifelong friends. As MD, everyone basically deferred to me, but I was always listening to everyone's ideas, and would incorporate anything that was suggested and made sense. My best friend (Godfather of my daughter kind of friend) was the BL and LS. We'd disagree sometimes, but always found a way to work things out.
Fast forward to years after we played together regularly. He's turning 50, and wants the band to get together to play a "This is your life" type show about his life and books an off Broadway theater in NYC to perform it. He invites all his family and friends. He comes up with a whole bunch of crazy ideas for us to rework some of our songs. Now, this his HIS gig, so we all happily comply.
Over the last 10 years, we will get together and either play a gig or record a few tunes every year, even though they all still live in NY, and I live in FL. We're back to doing our arrangements the way we did. No drama.
That's the key man! No drama. Life is too short. Unless that's what you thrive on, but it seems like that ISN'T what YOU thrive on. I'd bring a minimal amount of gear to the next few rehearsals. If this LS has another outburst, I'd just pack up and walk out without saying a word. It's not worth your effort.
Fast forward to years after we played together regularly. He's turning 50, and wants the band to get together to play a "This is your life" type show about his life and books an off Broadway theater in NYC to perform it. He invites all his family and friends. He comes up with a whole bunch of crazy ideas for us to rework some of our songs. Now, this his HIS gig, so we all happily comply.
Over the last 10 years, we will get together and either play a gig or record a few tunes every year, even though they all still live in NY, and I live in FL. We're back to doing our arrangements the way we did. No drama.
That's the key man! No drama. Life is too short. Unless that's what you thrive on, but it seems like that ISN'T what YOU thrive on. I'd bring a minimal amount of gear to the next few rehearsals. If this LS has another outburst, I'd just pack up and walk out without saying a word. It's not worth your effort.
He apologized which says something about his character that he's willing to acknowledge when he is wrong, which is no small thing in this day and age. He's also coming out of a bad relationship it seems with the previous bass player. I'd let it go and move on but I would file it away in the back of my mind.
Tempo a touch too fast is sorted with a quick word. Doesn't happen again.
Speeding up during songs is fired off the gig.
Dishing it out..professionally..is fine.
Not being able to take it is a parting of ways or up their meds.
Drama?
Hire a female lead singer and watch the sparks fly...
She won't have to do anything. We men are foolish and become 13 year old boys pretty much overnight.
Hire a female lead singer and watch the sparks fly...
She won't have to do anything. We men are foolish and become 13 year old boys pretty much overnight.
Salud!
The apology is enough for me. We all have a short fuse regarding something and recognizing a mistake and calling to apologize is not so common. A yellow flag and move on.
The apology is enough for me. We all have a short fuse regarding something and recognizing a mistake and calling to apologize is not so common. A yellow flag and move on.
I assume you joined after the fact. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with a BL determining a song's arrangement. However, they also need to be mature enough to accept input from other members. Personally, I don't like being in a group which is a debating society. I want a decision to be made, and then we move on. Again, this is just my opinion, but if this isn't a good fit let the other guys know so they aren't stuck without a bassist in case they book more work in the New Year.
You got an apology with a reasonable explanation. Roll with it. In both of my projects, we are always trying something a little different and we have the understanding that if it doesn't work, no hard feelings, it just doesn't work.
The band leader in one project has a sign posted on the wall "check your ego at the door". He also encourages the drummer and me (the relative new guys) to have another take on his previously recorded material.
The band leader in one project has a sign posted on the wall "check your ego at the door". He also encourages the drummer and me (the relative new guys) to have another take on his previously recorded material.
If I read correctly, you're playing the 'dad responsibility ' card in order to skip rehearsals ahead of the next show.
I dunno, but it seems to me as soon as one starts coming up with reasons or excuses not to attend rehearsal, one has already begun the process of checking out.
Yeah, he apologized and all that, but the bloom is off the rose.
I dunno, but it seems to me as soon as one starts coming up with reasons or excuses not to attend rehearsal, one has already begun the process of checking out.
Yeah, he apologized and all that, but the bloom is off the rose.
Sometimes its best not to tell your bandmates how to play their instrument. When I take lead vocals on a song, the other members may ask me how I want them to play keyboards or handle backing vocals, etc. I simply say:
"Have fun with it. Play it however you want as long as we're all playing the same arrangement in the same key. You are seasoned musicians and I trust your creative judgement."
They are seasoned musicians and come up with ideas I might never think of on my own. This prevents drama and allows everyone to make the song their own.
"Have fun with it. Play it however you want as long as we're all playing the same arrangement in the same key. You are seasoned musicians and I trust your creative judgement."
They are seasoned musicians and come up with ideas I might never think of on my own. This prevents drama and allows everyone to make the song their own.
I can have a hard time expressing my thought politely when working on an arrangement (original bands) but I work on being better at it. For me it is part of having different mental wiring than most people, especially when completely engaged in a task.
When I “have the ball” during a rehearsal where we are composing/arranging a tune I want to hear my ideas without a lot of talking about it first. But I also make clear that these are just ideas and the best idea wins, regardless who it came from.
in you case I wouldn’t be at all happy with essentially being ignored when you have an extremely valid point. You resent being disrespected for your position. I can’t see any reason why complete unison between guitar and bass would be needed by ANY competent player. Perhaps THAT is your real red flag! As either a guitar or bass player I will always create some (tasteful) interaction between instruments.
When I “have the ball” during a rehearsal where we are composing/arranging a tune I want to hear my ideas without a lot of talking about it first. But I also make clear that these are just ideas and the best idea wins, regardless who it came from.
in you case I wouldn’t be at all happy with essentially being ignored when you have an extremely valid point. You resent being disrespected for your position. I can’t see any reason why complete unison between guitar and bass would be needed by ANY competent player. Perhaps THAT is your real red flag! As either a guitar or bass player I will always create some (tasteful) interaction between instruments.
If this has really happened then why haven't you (1) fired the drummer or (2) quit the band?
If you are interested in developing a friendship, you might still have that whiskey talk. Except, don't bring up the recent drama. Ask about his previous bands. If he touches on any of the issues that caused him to lash out, you could reassure him, it's not about ego or band politics and that you wouldn't pull that kind of stuff. "I just wanna play good music".
I think you are correct, if I do the same moving forward. If it only happens this week (as in last night), I am gonna chalk it up to needing the smoke to clear so I could reengage w/ some perspective.
That sounds incredibly civilized and encouraging. I’m 52 and I’ve been involved in approximately 100,000 band fights since I was 15.
I quit twice, came back with the promise it would get better but it never did though it did for a little while each time, then I quit till I got the boot, and it was the best thing that ever happened. 5 years without having to deal with it, no more flying or driving cross country only to get more of the same.
