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Found out front guy is a registered sex offender.......need advice

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by g4string, Apr 10, 2014.

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  1. g4string

    g4string Supporting Member

    Sep 19, 2002
    Melissa, TX
    I was sharing some music with a co-worker of mine about a new red-dirt country project I have in the works. He googled my front guys name......hit #2 was homefact.com showing him as a registered sex offender. :(. He was charged with possession of child pornography in 1997. His sentence was 10years probation. I really don't know how to approach this situation, nor handle it. The ironic thing is he has a family and career......I think two tween girls at home. He seems like a family oriented kind of guy, reserved, well spoken.....he even pitched the idea of doing a faith based recording project at some point in the future. His previous band was an original+covers red dirt Texas country band that had a good following. I'm assuming anybody that googles his name will undoubtedly see what I have seen.

    The kicker is it's taken us over a year to get started. We started rehearsing last year. But after several rehearsals, I backed out due to the my meh' feelings about the drummer. About 6 months after I left, front guy calls me and asks if I'd be interested in trying again if we were to get another drummer. I agree and start setting up drummers. About a week after we get auditions set up, he pulls tendons/ligaments in his right shoulder. He has surgery, therapy needs that put him out for 6 months. As of recently, (like two weeks ago) we finally started rehearsing again. He's a great songwriter, pretty good singer. This band has the potential to be pretty high crowd-draw band with the right decisions being made. I think he has a built in following from his past band, and from solo acoustic shows he's been doing for the last couple years (post last band break up).

    I guess my conundrum is how do I approach him & what do I say.....or do I even approach him at all. I am not god, therefore I do want to judge him. Furthermore, I don't know the details of his arrest. However, I have a 3 y/o daughter and (almost) 2 y/o son at home. It creeps me out thinking that people could get off at the sexual exploitation of children. I don't want to surround myself with people like that. However, this happened almost 16 years ago. People change. Life changes. Forgive. Forget. It's the past for a reason. If I approach the topic, I can't take it back. I wonder off it's worth bringing up. Again, I don't know the circumstances of his conviction. I don't know his past. What the heck do I do??
  2. Smooth_bass88

    Smooth_bass88 Groove it Supporting Member

    Oct 31, 2006
    Are you currently playing gigs that are paying good money? No. Personally, I'd be out of that project soooo frikkin' fast. I absolutely WOULD NOT want my name to be associated with a R.S.O.

    Just call up and say, "I'm quitting. Sorry, I'm just not feelin' it and need to take some time off to pursue other projects. I wish you the best."
  3. oldcatfish


    Jan 8, 2011
    People change, but you can't change who you are sexually attracted to. He can choose to not act on his urges, but he will always be attracted to children. As a father, I wouldn't just walk away from that band...I would run.
  4. hover


    Oct 4, 2008
    Yeah, no. If it's not sittin well with you confront him about it, or walk.
    He doesn't owe you an explanation, but perhaps if you talked you could come to an understanding, regardless of still leaving...I dunno.
    I think it's sick, no doubt (edit: if it's re: "real kiddie porn")...but it was also 17 years ago.

    We all know by now the tale of the pedo from Lost Prophets...
  5. nutdog

    nutdog when I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone Supporting Member

    Feb 19, 2009
    In the dog house.
    Lock up your daughter, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life...
  6. Wow, that is a doozy of a pickle

    Myself, I wouldn't talk to him about it, there would be no point. But I also couldn't play with the guy. I feel it is like a sexual orientation or preference. I can't change mine, and he probably can't change his. Is it often in the back of his mind? I would never know, but that would always be on my mind every time I was with the guy.
    Reminds me of Ian Watkins (Lostprophets), just sick.

    Plus, many that offend end up being repeat offenders. I just couldn't do it, nope, no way, I'm out
  7. gary19702


    Jan 15, 2013
    I'd back out with the "musical differences" excuse and not bring up his past misdeeds. Keep it civil and remember that he may have actually changed his life since his arrest and most likely would like to avoid dredging up the past where it Could affect his current happiness and family. Last thing I would do if it were me would be to make an issue out of this where it may impact his wife and children as well which would be unfair to them.
  8. RaginRog

    RaginRog Last guy you want to see is Employee Relations guy

    Nov 29, 2009
    Formerly Staten Island
    Let sleeping dogs lie. Folks can change, and having teen daughters may have made him see the error in his ways.
  9. g4string

    g4string Supporting Member

    Sep 19, 2002
    Melissa, TX
    To clarify, he's not a sexual predator or pedohile (as far as I know). And again, I do not know how "kiddie" the child porn was he got busted with. Did he make a home movie with a 17 y/o when he was 18/19? Was it one of those weird situations like that? I dunno. The fact he has a good job, wife, kids, and did no jail time makes wonder about how bad was his f'up.
  10. g4string

    g4string Supporting Member

    Sep 19, 2002
    Melissa, TX
    I was shocked, that is what my wife said.
  11. Lee Moses

    Lee Moses

    Apr 2, 2013
    Not all registered sex offenses are the same, and not all registered sex offenders are the same. I'm not excusing what he did, but I don't see this quite the same as if he had been a convicted child molester. No, I would never leave my children alone with him. But if he has truly amended his ways, I wouldn't think less of anybody playing in a band with him.

    But if you're not comfortable with it, make a change. There's plenty of country talent around McKinney.
  12. A-Step-Towards

    A-Step-Towards Supporting Member

    Nov 16, 2009
    Los Angeles California
    I have a friend thats a registered sex offender and he has been a drummer in my bands. We were drinking. A girl told him she was 18 I saw it. They made out, me and some buddies left they went to her place, so forth etc. Well turned out she was 16 he was 20 or so at the time, someone that knew her real aged anonymously called the police. Fact is I saw her say and heard her say she was 18 and even made a comment on her being 18 and yet drinking when the legally age is 21, which is a reason me and my other friends left no one wanted a furnishing ticket. Well my friend is now a registered sex offender for life. I dont defend sex offenders or really my friend at all because that was a bad situation but did he deserve what he got? I dont think the for life registering in his case and some others cases is warranted.

    His situation sounds different but its not always black and white. He may have had some similar situation.
  13. wolfkeller

    wolfkeller Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2013
    I concur with most of you, I would probably bail however I'd like to say that a family member of mine was convinced of such a crime and is a RSO and I will say that everyone in this boat is like that. Not everyone is attracted to kids because a court ie. Prosecutor says so. Some make a mistake, some get caught up in a bad situation and some weren't guilty. I find it funny that most people slam the government and legal system for their corruption yet if they say someone did something its like it is written in stone. Its just something to think about, as a society were so focused on pedophiles yet where are the murders, car jackers, drug dealers and home invaders? Facts show if some piece if crap hurts your kids it will be family or a close family friend not the guy on the list.
  14. Savage_Dreams


    Jan 8, 2007
    thats just it, without knowing what exactly it was people shouldnt be judging so quickly.

    plus it sounds like he turned his life around.

    a potential down side though, regardless of if hes changed or the incident was minor (no pun intended), i dont know how you would handle the google situation if people decide to look up your band members. that could be an issue.
  15. Hobobob

    Hobobob Don't feed the troll, folks.

    Jan 25, 2011
    Camarillo, CA
    So many are quick to assume that he's some sort of predator.

    I knew a guy in high school who sent a pic of a certain body part to his girlfriend. Somehow one of the other kids in our grade got ahold of it, and sent it around. You could clearly see his face in the picture, so he was charged with distributing underage pornography and now has a black mark on his record for the rest of his life.

    This is the kind of thing that could be a result of a deep-seated perversion, or just a dumb kid's mistake. If you committed the latter and people treated you like some sort of sicko everywhere you went, how would you feel?

    I would try to broach the subject as tactfully as I could, but if you get creepy vibes then I think it would be acceptable to bow out.
  16. Hmm. Well either be up front and ask or quit. Personally, since he's also a co-worker I wouldn't ask, I'd just quit.
  17. RaginRog

    RaginRog Last guy you want to see is Employee Relations guy

    Nov 29, 2009
    Formerly Staten Island
    I worked with a guy who's son was a ros. He was 19 and caught receiving an oral act by a 16 year old girl. He may have had teen content, which while is certainly not acceptable is not as egregious as having content with young children. If your curiousity has got the better of you, and letting those sleeping dogs lie is not possible, then perhaps mention it privately, or bow out without reason.
  18. He could be a complete freak child molester. He could be a perfectly normal guy who had some pictures that turned out to have a 16 year-old in them. Big difference. What you have learned does not give you any information about which (other than your impressions of him today). A child porn charge absolutely does not mean that he is attracted to underage girls (or boys), but it certainly leaves the possibility open.

    Since there certainly is the possibility of him being a freak, I would bring it up with him. Besides, there's a good chance it will come up some time in the future, and this way it will already be out in the open. See what he has to say about it. Then, make your choice.

    Honesty usually really is the best policy.
  19. Matthew_84


    Nov 7, 2010
    That sucks...

    If you're asking for our opinions, mine is this: walk away.

    A thief, even a murderer can change... A pedophile cannot change who or what they are attracted to, they can only choose to act on it or not.

    I would never be comfortable around the guy after knowing this. I wouldn't handle our projects the same way I did before knowing this, and because of this, every minute I spent continuing the project after knowing this would be a waste of time.
  20. scoopscallahan


    Jun 14, 2011
    Talk to him about it. Right now you don't have all the facts and are left with assumptions based on no information. Hear him out and see what he says. If he's into 8 year olds you can haul ass. If he took a photo of his gf when she was 17 and he was 18 then maybe it's not a big deal. At the very least you know.

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