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friend zoned again...

#21
MatticusMania said:
+1

I used to get "friend zoned" in my younger days. The solution is simple - dont be a friend. If a woman has found out that you are "sensitive and caring" before you've gotten some youre setting yourself up for failure (not certain failure, but likely). You need to be mysterious first, with signs that youre cool. Then you get them in bed. Women often tend to develop feelings for a man theyve slept with, not always of course. Maybe Im wrong, but then again, I do have a hot wife who is worthy of my time and attention (and there arent many women out there who are).
Click to expand...

I. am. boned.
 
#22
From what I've read in the close relationships literature (I've read a lot of this stuff since my doctoral dissertation was about relationship initiation and I teach a course on the subject), women often start cross-sex friendships with the intention of being pals and only take it to the next level if they feel chemistry somewhere down the line. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to initiate friendships with women they wish to have sex with. I know this is a generalization and simplification, but the trend is there nonetheless.

Stepping away from the lectern now (especially since my semester is pretty much over), if you're up for reading another female perspective, the Heartless Bitches have a lot to say about this subject.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


Finally, I wouldn't want to date a guy with a small child and a "psychotic" ex-wife because I'm bad at handling drama and kids make me nervous. But that's just me.
 
#25
There is way too much bull___ when it comes to dating advice.

First of all, the "friend zone". It doesn't exist in the sense that everyone thinks it does. From the moment you meet a girl, she decides whether you're friend material or dating material. If you're the former, you will be a friend to her and there's nothing you can do about it. Over time she may develop feelings for you and then view you as dating material, but once again, there's nothing you can do about it except wait.

If she doesn't develop feelings for you, you decide to pull the trigger and she says "I just wanted to be friends", it's your fault for not properly reading her signals and not knowing her intentions. This is very tricky--I managed to get it right but I have no clue how I actually did it.

If you're the latter (dating material), then you cannot be placed in the "friend zone". If you do something wrong you get dumped--which sometimes comes in the guise of "let's just be friends".

Second, "being a jerk" is another myth. You have to be nice, but still firm. You can't let her or anyone else walk over you. But without being nice she won't develop any romantic feelings for you. There's a balance. So yes you have to have some "jerk-like" qualities, but being a complete jerk will only get you one-night-stands and very short relationships (which may be your thing, but it's not my cup-o-tea).

I'm hitched to a hottie and this is the philosophy I have.
 
#27
It's not about being a jerk, it's about being confident. Sometimes that line can be blurred.
Confident people often stick to their guns and beliefs - this can come off as arrogant or ignorant.
Confident people believe in themselves and their abilities - this can come off as being cocky or full of oneself.
Confident people don't let others take advantage of them - this can come off as being hard to work with or stubborn.
etc....

It just depends on the angle you're looking at someone from. Either way, however, girls AND guys both pick up on this and will treat you accordingly - even if it's a subconscious thing. But at least in regards to girls, if you don't seem like a strong individual (it doesn't have to be physically mind you) they'll often look past you for someone else.
 
#30
son, getting a woman is like buying a car off the lot:

if you go in attached to one specific car, the salesperson will know they got you and play you for all your worth (you get screwed, but not in the good way).

if you go in with the attitude that you could go home with one of these cars, but your just as likely to go somewhere else, no sweat, then the salesperson will fall all over themselves trying to please you.

:D
 
#31
First off. There is no reason a chick should know all that stuff about you before you're naked. It's not like you have to disclose all your baggage before to bump uglies. Why are you putting that info out there so fast. I'm not saying don't do it at some point but that's saved for talk after you're recovering naked and sweaty (on the 9-10 time going at it). The only thing you're responsible for disclosing or divulging is some kind of name (not always your actual name) and any kind of diseases you have, or may have been exposed to.

But as others have said. Don't be a friend, if you don't want to be. You can make it very obvious that you're attracted to a chick without being a friend. You can even make it a joke. At some point mention that with an @$$ like that you have absolutely no interesting in being friends. Or your own personal flavor of letting a chick know your intentions. If she's trying to control the situation, by stating that she wants to just be a friend, then she's no longer an option. Don't continue calling her or texting her or paying her any sort of attention. DROP her, and continue onto the next prospect. If you remove your attention from a chick, and then she finds out that some other chick is receiving said attention, she might actually do things to make sure she gets your attention back, even if she wasn't even that attracted to you in the first place. That's the nature of chicks. If she wasn't genuinely into in the first place, then even better because now you've moved onto scoring with the next chick. Quantity over quality. It's not just a numbers game, but it's a game of leverage as well.
 
#32
MakiSupaStar said:
First off. There is no reason a chick should know all that stuff about you before you're naked. It's not like you have to disclose all your baggage before to bump uglies. Why are you putting that info out there so fast. I'm not saying don't do it at some point but that's saved for talk after you're recovering naked and sweaty (on the 9-10 time going at it). The only thing you're responsible for disclosing or divulging is some kind of name (not always your actual name) and any kind of diseases you have, or may have been exposed to.

But as others have said. Don't be a friend, if you don't want to be. You can make it very obvious that you're attracted to a chick without being a friend. You can even make it a joke. At some point mention that with an @$$ like that you have absolutely no interesting in being friends. Or your own personal flavor of letting a chick know your intentions. If she's trying to control the situation, by stating that she wants to just be a friend, then she's no longer an option. Don't continue calling her or texting her or paying her any sort of attention. DROP her, and continue onto the next prospect. If you remove your attention from a chick, and then she finds out that some other chick is receiving said attention, she might actually do things to make sure she gets your attention back, even if she wasn't even that attracted to you in the first place. That's the nature of chicks. If she wasn't genuinely into in the first place, then even better because now you've moved onto scoring with the next chick. Quantity over quality. It's not just a numbers game, but it's a game of leverage as well.
Click to expand...

+1.
 
#37
Jinro said:
There is way too much bull___ when it comes to dating advice.

First of all, the "friend zone". It doesn't exist in the sense that everyone thinks it does. From the moment you meet a girl, she decides whether you're friend material or dating material. If you're the former, you will be a friend to her and there's nothing you can do about it. Over time she may develop feelings for you and then view you as dating material, but once again, there's nothing you can do about it except wait.

If she doesn't develop feelings for you, you decide to pull the trigger and she says "I just wanted to be friends", it's your fault for not properly reading her signals and not knowing her intentions. This is very tricky--I managed to get it right but I have no clue how I actually did it.

If you're the latter (dating material), then you cannot be placed in the "friend zone". If you do something wrong you get dumped--which sometimes comes in the guise of "let's just be friends".

Second, "being a jerk" is another myth. You have to be nice, but still firm. You can't let her or anyone else walk over you. But without being nice she won't develop any romantic feelings for you. There's a balance. So yes you have to have some "jerk-like" qualities, but being a complete jerk will only get you one-night-stands and very short relationships (which may be your thing, but it's not my cup-o-tea).
Click to expand...

Sound pretty accurate from my (female) point of view.

Screw them first then let them get to know you? Honestly? Get real!
 

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