Funny Quotes?

[chips]

hello badgers,
I've noticed some pretty funny signatures on quotes on here... Put up you're fave / funniest quotes for a laugh.

"As i lay me down to sleep,
I pray the funk will make me freaky,
If i should die before i waked,
Allow me loard to ROCK OUT NAKED" -Sir Psycho Sexy, Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Rock out brotherins

 

[Pengwan]

Whats up Chips???

Anyway, here a couple of quotes to get things started:

"Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents."

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because
it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs."

Take it easy dude.

Pengwan.

 

[embellisher]

Hey, guys, I know that you are new, so I will explain this to you.

Miscellaneous is for music related discussions which do not fit topically in any of the other forums.

This is not music related, so I am moving it to Off Topic, which is for non music related posts.

 

[Woodchuck]

"Woodchuck, there are 3 kinds of people in this world, and you're one of 'em!" - My drunk friend.

The one in my sig was funny as well.

 

[Matthew Bryson]

ooohh, if you would have just used the word lyrics instead of quotes, then the Embelishinater never could have messed with you ...it would've worked because you were quoting lyrics. Anyway, my favorite quote of the week is from a co-worker. Mod's, please delete this if it's not appropriate for this forum.
(From a foreign born man, regarding American Christians) All these people are always reading that book, (The Bible) always study their book, read the book on their lunch hour, coffee break, at home, at the church every Sunday - study the book. Why don't they ever get done reading the book?

 

[Wrong Robot]

Originally posted by Woodchuck
"Woodchuck, there are 3 kinds of people in world, and you're one of 'em!" - My drunk friend.

That's classic!

 

[Gia]

at the moment it's one from that random guy in the religion thread - "in Sweden, it's an insult to call someone a Christian"

That made me laugh for a scarily long time.

 

[mike lead]

Funny quotes? If you ever meet one my friends you will have tons of greates quotes every day. The most funnys are related with women:

"Womens should lend us her "gift". Those who don`t wan`t want to lend us hers... Well, they should kill themseleves and let those who wants to share her gifts live better."

Peace, Love and funny quotes forever...

Mike

 

[Osama_Spears]

"Dude...you're overeacting,I didn't goto college and look at me,I'm kick-ass"
-Lance of Orange County(Played By: Jack Black)

 

[Mud Flaps]

"When I was a teen, all I wanted to do in life was to make a living out of what I did best; but, since there's no real market for masturbation, I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities."

Edit: I'll be back with more later.

 

[P. Aaron]

Lady Astor: "Winston, you are drunk!"
Sir Winston Churchill: "And Madame, you are ugly. In the morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly!"

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Sir Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

 

[DEFELDUS]

i think tsal said this one

"House spiders are a bassists kind of pets: you in general don't notice them much, they won't be humping on your leg at every chance, but when you need them, they'll be at the background somewhere doing their job"

and my current one is good too

 

[Brendan]

I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields

And then, the Oscar Wilde collection:

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays

 

[Woodchuck]

Speaking of Oscar Wilde:
"I am going to turn over a new leaf, as soon as I get to the bottom of this page." If you know Oscar Wilde, you'll understand why this is a great quote.

 

[DanGouge]

One more from Oscar Wilde:
"I can resist anything but temptation."

PS: Woodchuck got it!

 

[MJ5150]

My parents have a nice pillow on their couch that reads...

"If we had known grandchildren were this much fun, we would have had them first."

-Mike

 

[dryheatbob]

"Tell Jesus to get his own cat!"

That's what my four year old daughter told me, tears in her eyes, when I tried to explain to her that her cat had died and went to heaven to be with Jesus.

We got a new cat the next weekend.

Bob

 

[chips]

No swearing!!!! Especially the F word I dont care if you blank out a couple letters. No political crap either. Personally I find you offensive. The fact you are an Aussie and all you have to offer are American/Bush jokes or comments. Pay for a membership and take it to the lounge. That crap doent fly here!!!

 

[Osama_Spears]

Sorry had to edit his posts eliminating your quote.

All this Anti-Bush stuff is giving me a headache.

 

[Johnny BoomBoom]

I always likd this one....by one of the UK's finest soccer (football to most of us) talents!


"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
George Best