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GF is the singer...band death sentence?

Is it really a death sentence to have your significant other in the band?

  • God, yes! Are you nuts?!

    Votes: 111 66.1%

  • Not at all. Yoko and I are doing just fine.

    Votes: 23 13.7%

  • Wait...bassists get chicks?

    Votes: 34 20.2%
  • Total voters
    168
#21
Why on Earth would you wanna work with anyone you are in a relationship with.....76% of those deals end with murder. Usually man killin' woman, or man killin' self.


Me, I'd sratch both of my eyes out with dull objects, but hey, it might work for you.
 
#23
The best original band I was ever in had a chick singer who was married to the drummer. Let me tell ya....when it went bad...it went bad fast. The chick singer developed all sorts of "diva" issues and her drummer husband was caught in the middle. He knew her shannigans were causing the band to implode but he couldn't do anything about it. He ended up having to basically choose between us and his wife (which was of course no choice at all) and it basically nuked the friendships. I haven't spoken with him since and thats too bad.

So tread very carefully. In our case, the band worked well for about a year but it can get very uncomfortable very fast once the disagreements start. You could very easily find yourself in a position where you agree with the other bandmates on something but cannot express it because you still wanna get laid later. :)
 
#24
Go the duo route. My gf is a great singer and piano player and we've jammed just the two of us and it sounded good. But that's the extent of it. I remember being in bands where the other members would fight w/ their gf's that were just chillin at practice and not even in the band. So I can't see it working with a significant other IN the band.
 
#25
The fact is that most bands won't work out in the long run anyways, if your relationship doesn't lead to the demise of the group, something else will. If you really want to do it, then go for it.

Having said that-- as someone else already pointed out, make sure that you 2 are clear about separating the boundries between "personal stuff" and "band stuff". That can definitely be hard, and sometimes impossible to do with someone you are close to and/or love. But you would both likely benefit from not bringing band stuff into the relationship, and vice versa.
 
#26
In all seriousness, I really don't like the idea, but that's my personal opinion from my personal experience. I play in my church's praise band as their only bassist. They often rely on me to also act as a sort of musical director. Sometimes, when the worship leader/keyboardist is out of town, they'll ask my wife to step in on keys. Now, my wife is a talented player and a good singer as well but she's not really striving to work on her chops or expand herself musically, being that she's a mother of 2 children, both being under the age of 3.

When we practice, I try to show the acting worship leader, who's not very talented musically but very experienced, and my wife little tricks of the trade and little things that would make the song sound better. However, it's frustrating because, 1. My wife has so much potential but doesn't apply herself, and 2. the team, in general, only has 2 experienced musicians when the worship leader is gone, myself and the drummer, so that kind of makes my job a little more frustrating. I don't expect perfection, just a little cooperation and willingness to stretch one's self. I don't get that from either one of the two. I don't get angry at all but I do get frustrated and sometimes I carry that all the way home and my wife feels it. She does try and I have to learn to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, it would be much easier to just avoid the situation altogether and have my wife stay in the congregation with the kids just as she does every other Sunday.

So my opinion is to just avoid the situation altogether and eliminate friction, but that's just from my experiences. YMMV

Good luck with whatever decision you make.
 
#27
If you do this you do have to promise to post all the gory details on TB when it inevitably implodes. Which it will. Especially after the drummer/guitar player develops a crush on your GF and she maybe feels a little more for him then she should....and...oh my....but it was only one kiss.......

Actually you should develop this as a TB soap opera! :bassist:
 
#28
I really am not a fan of this..

Being said..

IF this is YOUR band (and she reports to you) and you find band mates that report to you (paying gigs etc).. and you're super clear up front, will work

This is a specific place for a benevolant dictator.

I work with a husband/wife team.. we all report to the husband... they have never had a public disagreement or tension..

Helps when it's not a "we're a band" situation.

Tim
 
#29
I played in a band with a husband/wife couple, and we had 6-1/2 years of great success. We were a 50's/60's band called Ivy League, and the wife was the female lead vocalist, and our main draw, due to her crazy stage antics and ability to work a crowd. She had a great voice, and her husband was also a good singer, and a great keyboard player. I sang some leads, and a lot of backup vocals with them, as well as bass, and some electric guitar. We were basically a 3 piece band with a chick singer. What sold us was our harmonies, and her stage presence.

Of course, I should mention that she was the one who decided she didn't want to do it anymore, due to some newly acquired religious convictions, but we parted amicably, and did regroup 9 months later for one last gig. Now, we're in some talks about a reunion concert, even though our drummer died a year after we played our last gig. the husband and I are on board with it, I have a drummer willing to do it, and we're waiting for her to get on board...patience is the key.
 
#32
Could definitely lead to trouble, but if everyone uses common sense and the like, it could work.

I play in a 4-piece. Drummer/Singer = Husband/Wife. It works out fairly well, we're all adults. The only thing that comes up occasionally is understanding that both the guitarist and I actually like to schedule in a way that allows us to see our significant others - and him, his children. The drummer/singer never have a problem with booking, or being away from home more than they want to be - b/c they are together doing band business. I've been trying to get it into their heads that it's different for the rest of us b/c we are leaving our women at home to go do shows and other band stuff. Singer gets it now, drummer, surprisingly is still lagging behind - kills me - how do you not understand that??

But for the most part it all works out, we have fun, it's a good band and we have shows lined up and we haven't killed one another yet.


Sorry, thread-jacking. Done. :hiding::hiding::hiding:
 
#33
I also should mention that Ivy League presented a unified and happy front to the world, but we had some huge fights behind the scenes, about 1 a year. The problem was the drummer and the chick singer were like 2 cats in a sack. The husband and the wife occasionally fought, and once or twice the band got drug into it, but we managed to work things out, and continue on. Somehow, I always wound up being the diplomat in the band, trying to smooth things over and resolve differences. I usually succeeded, but at a cost to me (lost sleep, upset stomach, the usual), and the one time I wanted to date someone the others didn't approve of, I was threatened with expulsion from the band if I did date her. I managed to resolve that, but lost the girl....
 
#35
nobodysfool said:
I also should mention that Ivy League presented a unified and happy front to the world, but we had some huge fights behind the scenes, about 1 a year. The problem was the drummer and the chick singer were like 2 cats in a sack. The husband and the wife occasionally fought, and once or twice the band got drug into it, but we managed to work things out, and continue on. Somehow, I always wound up being the diplomat in the band, trying to smooth things over and resolve differences. I usually succeeded, but at a cost to me (lost sleep, upset stomach, the usual), and the one time I wanted to date someone the others didn't approve of, I was threatened with expulsion from the band if I did date her. I managed to resolve that, but lost the girl....
Click to expand...



The irony of your screen name and this comment was too much for me to pass on....
 
#36
My band had better never tell me what I can or can't do outside of the band. They're out of their boundaries. It's different if it was a touring band that was my only source of income but, even then, they should worry more about the band and not who anyone is dating.
 
#38
CultofJay said:
Haha! I guess vocalists do kind of have a "diva" stereotype, don't they? One of my best friends from childhood started a band with his wife and another husband/wife couple that worked out great. The only reason they broke up is because half of the band moved to Chicago. It can be done and I think I can be the one to break the mold!

Seriously though, we're doing it for fun because we both love music and we just want to get out and play again. And you know...we complete each other and junk. :smug:
Click to expand...
I hear you, not saying it's impossible but it will take a special bunch of people to make it work. In our situation it helps that we have all been friends for a long time before being band mates, all older and married and it's a jazz band.
 
#39
It can work and has for me for over 4 years now. There will be disagreements, but there will always be disagreements among band mates. No one has come remotely close to killing anyone else. We keep it professional, it works, and we are successful.

Besides the fact that she is an amazing singer, and we get a lot of our gigs cuz of her voice and stage presence; it is totally awesome to be doing the thing you love with the person you love. It's great feeling, and don't let anyone change your mind if this is what you want to do!
 

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