GF is the singer...band death sentence?

[Bassman_1985]

Sometimes, it works out great and sometimes not so good to be dating or married to band members.

A couple that worked out well.

Pat Benatar & Neil Geraldo
Rindy & Marv Ross of Quarterflash

Some that did not work out so well.

Fleetwood Mac
Heart

Can't forget No Doubt. Chick lead singer got dumped by the bass player...and that inspired her to write enough hit singles to make a multiplatinum album for the band. And both of them stayed in the band.

So sometimes even bad breakups can be a good thing in the long run. But YMMV.

 

[tycobb73]

Not picking on you, specifically, but looking at your response as an example to reinforce, that how well such relationships work in a band is not and should not necessarily defined solely by whether the two individuals in the band can manage their own intrapersonal relations inside a band context, but how THE REST OF THE BAND handles this relationship, as well. Again, I mean nothing against what's going on in your specific band.

Every situation has its issues. The other guitarist and drummer came as a pair. I actually found them when I was looking for a second project. At the same time the guitarist and drummer from my first project quit. So I asked if we wanted to merge. Project 1 had about 2/3 a set list down. Project 2 had only a few songs down. Now I"m with hard working individuals but I'm the only one who has experience. So I took the role of leader. I looked at the second project's songlist and immediately cut 80% of it as a no go. This prompted the guitarist and drummer from band 2 to ask how the list is made and who's in charge. My response was its a dictatorship but a dictatorship where I want people to stick around so I do my best to incorporate everyone's ideas and never make decisions until I am awhare of everyone's opinion. but at the end of the day I have the say. I then explained what it is I look for in songs. The drummer came back with 3 awesome suggestions for songs at this last practice.

My point is I could just as easilly get teamed up on by the drummer, 2nd guitarist as I could by the married couple. I actually like working with them because they run ideas off of each other first and filter out the bad ones. But she does bicker at him a lot, most of the time when he's right and I have to tell her so, at which point she bows to my experience. At last practice the drummer joked "You'd never know you 2 were married."

 

[Stingray5]

We're going forward with it, knowing that the general consensus on this type of thing is "DON'T DO IT!!!" Thoughts?

DON'T DO IT!!!

 

[SLIV]

There are always examples of success stories where there is seemingly no issues but they can be painful aspects nonetheless. Pop/rock music is often about relationships and things will come up/out.

Superchunk stayed together after the bassist and guitarist/singer split up but the following album, Foolish, was brutal on the bassist-- every song is an expose on their relationship. (Side note, the album is EXCELLENT!)

Of course there's a whole bunch of horror stories such as Fleetwood Mac, Ike and Tina Turner, Metallica-- (just kidding).

And for everyone hinting that the woman will cause the problems, I introduce Exhibit A-- Husker Du-- in which both people involved in the relationship/band were men.

 

[trkelley]

Been sorta married to my drummer for 12 years. We've made some rules, no homestead-stuff when the gear is fired up, no sort of couple-type behavior at gigs, no sex in the practice room, no boinking other bandmates. We're solid. For now. (!) With musicians, as any other type of human being, there are no guarantees about now or the future. YMMV and all that. Go for it with gusto, finding someone you like with similar taste in music is a great score, if you can both play, all so much the better. Mixed gender bands are more interesting to the an audience than another bunch of guys, in my experience anyway.

 

[Jon Moody]

I play in two bands.

One is a folk group that consists of the lead performer (female) on vox and guitar, and her husband on rhythm.

Another band is an art/rock group with a percussionist, accordion/flute/vox, the lead singer and her husband on guitars.

If you keep it professional and don't bring any of your outside squabbles to the group (which for a couple is easier said than done), there shouldn't be a problem. However, it's on you two to keep everything separate, or enjoy a regular rotation of musicians who won't put up with that dynamic.