Girlfriend /bass/ issues

[Skitch it!]

Make the daughter get a job, she needs some structure in her life and be made aware of what personal responsibility is, hopefully it'll cool her lifestyle down a bit too, just saying ; )

 

[MEKer]

I feel your pain but it sounds like you cannot and will not support TWO adults who have no disabilities.

Sounds like that is EXACTLY what you are doing. And being a sucker to boot. Some girlfriend to enable this in YOUR house.

Not my idea of a girlfriend---at all. They'd both go---and without a BS tearful, argumentative DEBATE about it.

If you have the cojones. If not, don't complain about it.

That is the bottom line about this sort of BS situation, man. Sorry.

 

[tastybasslines]

The kid needs a wakeup call. She ain't gonna get it from her mother.

Getting told you can't play bass in your own apartment, which you pay the rent on, is so far out of line I suggest the thread title ought to be "Help me end my dominatrix habit".

hahaha good one

 

[Johnny Crab]

Getting told you can't play bass IN YOUR OWN HOME, which you pay the MORTGAGE on, is so far out of line......

Get a new set of door locks ready to install, make sure your insurance is paid up and music gear covered, and then have a "this is not working out" chat.
It is STRONGLY SUGGESTED that you have your best adult male friend(or few) present as a witness(es).

I've seen these sort of events turn very ugly.

Example(worst case and no witness on your side):
They freak, gf bruises herself in the face intentionally, calls 911, has you arrested. Seen it happen. You WILL be facing a mother protecting her offspring at this "conference". Without a witness, you could be in jail and they're in your home with your stuff hating you for trying to evict them. You want to guess what happens to your home and your stuff next?

Good luck.

The "insurance paid up" part is in case your home is broken into later and damaged/robbed by disgruntled former women. Been there, done that(1" of water on wood floor, household cleaners poured into all music gear that was at home, psycho-witch's shoeprint found in laundry powder she'd poured everywhere).

 

[sbass traveller]

Exactly why the only ladies I choose to co-habitate with are made of wood and strings (and metal and plastic and whatever else). They don't care about my polygamy with ladies of similar build, and don't show a hind of jealousy when I bring women back to meet them (ie. the non wood and strings variety).

+1 to most everything that has been said here. It's hard to tell someone how to raise their kid, but the time comes when you gotta sit down and have a chat, lay down some laws, and don't pussyfoot around what you have/want to say. I think she will respect what it is you are feeling and hopefully she'll either agree or you can reach a compromise. If she cares at all about what you think/feel, then it should be a no-brainer.

 

[Balog]

The mother is an enabler. You both need to read the book "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud. If she can't see how her behaviour is damaging her daughter's life (as well as her own) she needs to gtfo. Sad, but you can't allow some else's disease to infect you.

Also, Johnny Crab is cautious but wise.

Get a new set of door locks ready to install, make sure your insurance is paid up and music gear covered, and then have a "this is not working out" chat.
It is STRONGLY SUGGESTED that you have your best adult male friend(or few) present as a witness(es).

I've seen these sort of events turn very ugly.

Example(worst case and no witness on your side):
They freak, gf bruises herself in the face intentionally, calls 911, has you arrested. Seen it happen. You WILL be facing a mother protecting her offspring at this "conference". Without a witness, you could be in jail and they're in your home with your stuff hating you for trying to evict them. You want to guess what happens to your home and your stuff next?

Good luck.

The "insurance paid up" part is in case your home is broken into later and damaged/robbed by disgruntled former women. Been there, done that(1" of water on wood floor, household cleaners poured into all music gear that was at home, psycho-witch's shoeprint found in laundry powder she'd poured everywhere).

 

[stingray2112]

I'm 21 and still live with my dad, but I pay rent, for my food, car insurance and health insurance,phone bill, and pay for school and work 2 jobs and go to school full time (somehow I still manage to afford beer and cigs lol). Make her get a job and go back to get her GED or kick her ass out. I hate freeloaders...I'm planning on getting my own apartment but it's hard to find a realiable roomate who can pay their half of the bills.

 

[Noose]

I have a three year old and my wife would never tell me to not practice on a Saturday at noon. I didn't read all the posts but I'm guessing everyone will tell you that you aren't out of line at all. How dare anyone to tell you not to do what u want in you free time. You are justified in kicking both of their asses out. The 19 year old for being a lazy freeloader and her mother for allowing it.

 

[Starrchild]

Time to man up, in a very calm way.

 

[Munjibunga]

Stick to your guns, bro. Basses too.

 

[DerHoggz]

I say give her das boot.

Why would he give her a boat?

 

[rob72]

My dad went through exactly the same thing (except he played guitar), he decided to lay down the law and kick them both out. Still says it's the best thing he did.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

Lay down the law or show her the door.

 

[Floyd Eye]

Definitely not out of line.

 

[pie_man_25]

I'm 21 and still live with my dad, but I pay rent, for my food, car insurance and health insurance,phone bill, and pay for school and work 2 jobs and go to school full time (somehow I still manage to afford beer and cigs lol). Make her get a job and go back to get her GED or kick her ass out. I hate freeloaders...I'm planning on getting my own apartment but it's hard to find a realiable roomate who can pay their half of the bills.

ditto, except I'm 19 and have 1 job, and don't pay rent, food etc... just most of the tuition, books, and buspasses.
Though I am looking for a second job and am hoping to make enough to pay for school - the parents don't mind about rent until after I stop going to school.
She should be learning some responsibility and hard work stuff etc...

 

[Rebecky]

Buy a bigger bass amp, turn it to 11 and play until they leave.

 

[Floyd Eye]

Buy a bigger bass amp, turn it to 11 and play until they leave.

This.

 

[Phil Smith]

It's time for the three of you to have a brainstorming session, so you can hash out what the rules and the roles are. Talking is good especially when all parties are also willing to listen.

 

[Sav'nBass]

I want to run my situation past you and get your opinion. I am in an everlasting argument with my GF of two years. She lives with me in my house , I pretty much pay for all of the expenses and have no problems with doing so. I am debt free other than a mortgage and so is my GF , we each pay our own personnel bills/debts as they arise. We get along like best friends and have one longstanding issue that just keeps festering and is reaching the boiling point.

It is her 18 (almost 19) yo daughter.

The daughter will not go to school , as in high school and has reached the point of being unable to finish and has been told to pursue her GED. She is not pursuing her GED , any kind of work , or anything other than partying , sleeping all day , rinse and repeat. I see no signs of any drug or alcohol use or problems. I feel it's just a failure to launch issue.

Her mother transports around to her exploits , not all the time but say 75% of it, like an on call limo driver. The girl shows up at my house in the mornings , afternoon or whenever she needs a place to crash , shower , eat etc... I have no problem sharing and feel I am more than generous but am NOT going to bust my ass at work to support someone who is capable buy refuses to. The sh*t really hit the fan when I was asked , no told , to not practice / play my bass , music , tv , vacuum , or anything loud because said daughter was sleeping ... At noon on a Saturday , which is a day free of work for me.

I cannot and will not support an adult who has no disabilities , i will not tolerate her princess like behavior ,or live like this any longer.

Am I out of line???

Signed , ready to end the relationship.

You are not out of line at all... Not in the least.

Perhaps ending the relationship is not the answer.. yet... but stick by your guns on this issue... as far as you're playing in YOUR house.. frankly even is it was midnight... it is your business. If your GF can't accept that then perhaps .. it isn't the right thing .. but stick by your guns on this because that isn't doing her daughter one bit of good. For your GF to even get bent about this is very telling on where she is coming from.. My daughter who is now 20.. just moved out in September because she didnt want to live by my rules... It wasn't ugly or anything.. but she wanted her own... she has been working since she was 17... This girl is an a dult and needs to be treated like one and perhaps you need to try to find a way to get your GF to understand this..

 

[hbarcat]

I guess I'm the only one who will argue for you to maintain the status-quo. You're obviously happy with the arrangement or you would have already kicked both their butts out to the curb. I can only assume the sex is worth it to you to put up with a freeloader under your roof.

There is something to be said for good, steady sex, particularly with a partner who's passionate about it (that is why she's in your house, right?), and if there are no other issues involved where they are cutting into your enjoyment of life, then what's the harm in letting them stay?

Just accept the fact that the kid is even lazier than her mom but don't go out of your way to make her feel welcome. Unless, of course, she starts contributing something of benefit to you, too.